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A Survivor’s Guide To Thriving After A Breakup


About Me

Lotus Kruse is an advocate for women living from their wild feminine heart, with desire and intuition as their compass. She is a deep self care and embodiment mentor and Wild Fires Podcast host. She is the creatrix of a global online community of women called Wild Boudoir: an intimate space for women to explore the full spectrum of their erotic sexual desire, love and sensual magic.

Breaking up is rarely neat and tidy, and almost always wounds or breaks one’s heart. But a broken heart can also be a source of great learning, and growth, and redemption.

I know this from personal experience!

How My Heart Broke

He was the love of my life. We met when I was 17 and he 19. We were instant friends, then lovers, then beloveds – slamming it out like young lovers do.

We were each others’ first serious relationship and, though we adored each other, we got it all wrong.

We tried to make it work but we couldn’t. So we fell apart and moved on, though we remained friends.

Love Lost And Found

Years later, after I left my marriage, my first love and I started up again, stoking the flames of our youthful lust.

“We were now in our 40’s, both of us weathered, worn, and in need of tender care. Being with him felt like coming home.”

But we played out the same patterns as we’d done in our youth. We couldn’t make it work and within two years, we were done. Again.

My heart broke. Again.

A Conversation With My Heart

I experienced our second breakup as a black hole opening under my feet. I was swallowed up by the gravitational pull of sadness and walked around in a daze for months, barely functioning.

“On my best days, I could only pretend to be happy. I lived mostly in a fetal position on my bed, trying desperately to figure out where we went wrong and what I could have done to save my heart and relationship.

As odd as it may sound, I began to speak with my heartbreak. I asked, “What would you have me know? What am I to learn?”

My heart, and my heartbreak, answered: “Learn to live with an open heart.”

I learned that I had a choice: I could allow myself to contract and shrink from love, life, and desires, or I could let heartbreak open me, soften me, and reveal deeper truths.

“I could become tender and forgiving. I could choose to love and be loved, in spite of my heartache.”

I realised that I could not only survive my broken heart, I could even thrive, if I chose to.

7 Ways To Heal & Thrive After A Break Up


#1: Honor Your Feelings

Don’t judge or suppress your feelings and strong emotions.

“Allow yourself to truly feel all the pulses and impulses that pass through your body, no matter how consuming they are.”

Breathe life into your body by giving yourself permission to allow all of your feelings to rise and fall.

#2: Be Patient With Yourself

There is no rush to let your love and loved one go. You do not have to hurry up to move on.

“Your heart is timeless and has a wisdom that your intellect will never have access to.”

You heart will continue to break open.

#3: Trust In Love

At first, your broken heart feels like a tsunami of pain and sadness, but it will subside. Everything changes.

“Trust that love will have its way with you. Even the heartbreak is an expression of love.

Remember, even in times of extreme heartache, that you are love.

Heartbreak revealed that to me.

#4: Express Yourself

So many timeless songs are written about lost love. Poets and myths speak about this.

“I found ways to express all that I was feeling. I took photographs, and I began to write. Poetry spilled out of me cathartically.”

I didn’t keep my heartache bottle up inside. It was very healing.

#5: Self Care


Take care of yourself. Nurture yourself.

Develop ways to attend to your body and your emotions, as you would a sick child.

The more you care for yourself, the more you lighten your Spirit.

#6: Community Support

Heartbreak is such a personal, dark night of the Soul. You might need to draw the curtains and put a message on your phone that says you’re not available to take calls.

“But one day you will see light through the curtains. One day you will pick up the phone, even call a girlfriend or your mother, to talk it out.”

One day you will want to be with people again – people who will understand and accept the darkness and distance you experienced, but are now leaving behind.

#7: Practice Self Love

Let your body move in ways that bring you pleasure. Bring yourself to climax and tip yourself over the cliff of delicious orgasm. It is like waking your body up after a coma.

“Orgasm will help to decrease the stress hormones of cortisol and epinephrine that have taken up residence in your bones and muscles and flood your body with oxytocin and dopamine.”

Yes, you can literally cum out of depression!!

A Heartbreak Can Empower You

Heartbreak opened me to experience subtle sensations in my body and a softer, more tender way of being. I touched deeper truths within, and began to truly respect myself.

I became braver, wilder, and fiercely willing to love without a roadmap. My heart taught me how to navigate by the starlight of open-heartedness.

By Lotus Kruse

Featured Artist: John William Godward  | Edited by Chelsie Diadhiou

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