Lauren White is a qualified Sexologist and the founder of Sexosophy. Lauren provides expert coaching and education for women experiencing sexuality concerns by drawing upon their own sexual philosophy to guide them closer to their authentic sexual self. Her approach to sexuality is holistic and progressive as she gracefully ignites a passion for feeling again within her clients and those she crosses paths with. To learn about Lauren and her life’s work please visit her website.
I see a shadow lurking behind the myriad images of women’s fit and lean bodies that are overtaking my Tumblr and Facebook news feeds.
In their own right, these bodies are beautiful and the effort to get to that state of physical appearance is admirable. This requires mental strength, dedication and prioritisation of goals and I can only presume that the intentions to do this were beyond the inaugural act to have a selfie prove their arrival as a woman who ‘knows’ her body.
The toned abs and concave stomach speak something else to me when I see them. The confidence of being toned to that degree sometimes doesn’t gel well with a sexual body and here is why:
Why sometimes a taut & toned body doesn’t go well with the sexual body
#1 A rigid stomach doesn’t allow deep belly breath (= deep pleasure)
Breath is an important part of how we connect to our physical body in general and especially our sexual body. It is natural for our bellies to have a little pudge and protrude a little – they are made for expansion, but not so much contraction. It is this expansion that causes our bellies to move outward when we do deep belly breaths; allowing us to open up to relaxation, connection and increased sensation within our sexual anatomy.
When we breathe shallowly, we are generally in our head but when we breathe deeply, we are within our body.
When our stomach is taut and rigid, this expansion can be difficult and rather than increasing the genuine understanding that we have within our bodies, I believe that it is a superficial means that strives towards aesthetic perfection and detracts from heartfelt wisdom and acceptance.
If you experience discomfort expanding your belly with your breath, I invite you to look inward and ask yourself why this might be:
Are women’s bodies meant to be ‘contained’ and toned?
Does an expanded belly mean gluttony or imperfection?
Whatever the answer, your sexual body craves what is natural and it is the pairing of breathwork and true love of our own body that create long-lasting and deep sexual satisfaction.
#2 A tight core also tightens your PC muscle (= sex muscle)
Another thing to note is that a very tight core can also inadvertently tighten your PC muscle (sex muscle) to the point that pain can accompany sex and vaginal penetration. When pain accompanies sex, our body can start to be on guard for this pain and begin to close itself off to possibilities of pleasure, penetration and orgasm.
When we give ourselves permission to let it hang outwards rather than sucking it in, we can breathe, feel, move and focus on the beautiful sex or self-pleasure before us with presence and comfort.
Let go, expand and be open to finding the balance with conditioning your physical body but still having the capacity to open your sexual body.