Xanet Pailet is a former lawyer turned sex and intimacy coach, tantra educator and sexological body worker. She works with individuals and couples to help empower them around their sexuality and deepen relationship and intimacy skills. She is passionate about working with women and men who feel sexually disconnected. She helps them reclaim their pleasure and transform their relationships and their lives.
When is the last time that you had an orgasm that curled your toes, made your body lift up from the bed, that you felt from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet?
When is the last time that you had not one, not two, but ten of these orgasms in a row? For most women… the answer is never.
More than 30% of us don’t have orgasms at all. And many more have difficulty achieving one. And for those lucky enough to achieve one the orgasms lasts an average of a 7-10 second. Most of us believe this is the norm.
BUT.. what if I were to tell you that within you lies the power to change this situation? That it is not so much the skill of your partner or the intensity of your own finger to please yourself that matters, but rather your ability to move energy in your body that will bring you to levels of orgasmic bliss that you have never experienced before.
The way most of us approach orgasm is this: we get aroused, we feel it coming on, it’s around the corner, and then.. we tighten our body, squeeze our legs, and hold our breath. .. and the orgasm never comes.. or it comes as a tiny, unsatisfactory release of a few seconds.
What happens is that our sexual energy gets trapped in our genitals as we tighten and contract our body. It has nowhere to go.
TRY THIS: As your arousal begins to build take some deep belly breaths. Find the rhythm of your breath. Keep on breathing, especially as you are getting close to orgasm.
Resist the desire to squeeze your legs. Instead open them and breathe deeply into your pussy.
Keep on breathing as the waves of orgasm begin, and continue to breathe through it as the next wave comes.
OR TRY THIS: If you want to increase arousal even more, try a charging breath:
Take quick fast breaths as if you are sipping air through a straw.
After about a minute, hold your breath and squeeze everything together for about 30 seconds (scrunch up your face, squeeze your fists, thighs, chest and legs) and then release. Notice the sensations in your body. Many women describe this as “ripples of energy and pleasure” moving through their body.
Another way to release stuck orgasmic energy is to move your body around, particularly in the hips and pelvis area.
TRY THIS: start by lying on your back with your knees bent and gently rock your hips and pelvis back and forth and then in little circles. Breathe deeply into the rocking motion, feeling your whole pelvic area awaken. You can also try this standing up.
Add some sexy music to get you in the mood. Feel the rhythm of your arousal and continue to breathe. Try a charging breath during this exercise and see how your body responds.
TRY THIS: many women like vibrations, so become a vibrator yourself.
While lying on your back, start shaking your hands and arms really fast, then add some leg and pelvis shaking. Shake your body as hard and fast as you can while continuing to breathe.
The shaking motion stirs up lots of energy and moves it all around the body.
If you combine these techniques your orgasms or potential to orgasm will be even stronger. I call this the Orgasm Dance. Move with your body and breath, feel the arousal rhythm. Surrender into the sensations, and you might enjoy pleasure you have never before felt.