An Open Letter To Men From Sexy Consciously Awake Women
“You will never get an amazing woman if you’re lame. Period.”
Before you read this, I invite you to read the first post in this series. Don’t skip it. If you don’t read it, I trust you’ll be highly triggered and write me off, call me a bitch, and go along your way. That’s not what I want. That’s not what we want.
What Does It Mean To Be “Consciously Awake”?
Everyone has issues. Men and women both. Humans are imperfect. As a result, we have to deal with and own our shit. We don’t get to throw it onto other people. That’s not what Consciously Awake means.
Being Consciously Awake means practicing self-awareness, keeping high standards for yourself and for your life, and playing in the fires of your soul.
When we do that, we want our partners to be on the same path. Otherwise, we women end up playing mommy, babysitting, and miss out on the deep emotional connection we crave from our men.
So, men, if you’ve ever had a woman you care for tell you any one of the following, this post is definitely for you:
- “Man up!”
- “Be more aware, accountable, and responsible.”
- “Go to counseling.”
- “Own your shit.”
- “Stop projecting.”
- “You’re too controlling and critical.”
- “You’re not listening. Hear me.”
- “Quit acting like a baby.”
Then frankly… YOU NEED TO CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU RIIIGEDY WRECK YOURSELF.
What We Crave From You
We crave men we can rely on. We want men who complement us. We will not compete with you. We want men to know our core desires, honor our brilliance, beauty, personalities, and capabilities. We don’t want men focused on tearing us down. We want men who lift us up.
We want men who love to play. We want men who work hard all day so they can relax when they’re with us.
We revel in the present and look for men who can take us to the future. We won’t waste our time. We will not give away our precious energy.
We are willing to go to great lengths to develop ourselves emotionally. We have worked for what we have in life. We will not apologize, minimize our feelings or sell ourselves short for self-entitled brats who want to be the prize. We want you to stand for the greatest version of us.
We love the dance. We won’t chase. Girls chase. They put hot guys on a pedestals. If you want to chase us, you’re wasting your time.
We will not fluff you up emotionally. If a woman is bold enough to tell you she wants you or likes you, you need take the reigns. We don’t want to be a slave driver. We want you to be a leader.
We won’t cater to your insecurities if you lack the ability to feel our love. We will not shovel reassurance at you. If you want us, come get us. We will not wait around. We look for authenticity and integrity. We want the real deal.
You can call us what you want. But our intensity… our bitchiness… it has an origin. We are intuitive. We know when we’re getting less than your best.
We’re tired of boys. We need men.
We’re exhausted. We get lonely. We want emotional equals. We want your love and affection. We crave your admiration and adoration. We want you. We need you.
In fairness, not all you have your heads in the sand. If you’ve read this far, it’s likely you take a proactive stance about your inner work and reflect. You look at the common theme and failures in your relationships. You actively seek evolution without mommy dearest having to spank you into shape.
But those who’ve quit reading are more than likely stubborn, caught up in image, and have Peter Pan Syndrome. They refuse to grow up. They think their shit don’t stink. They blame women for their shortcomings. They take no ownership of their twisted dynamics.
I’ll share this with you now. Become the man you’ve always wanted to be. You don’t have a shot with us otherwise.
You Will Never Get An Amazing Woman If You’re Lame. Period.
Getting what you want and need doesn’t have to be so difficult or challenging. We want to love and we want to be loved.
We don’t want you to be someone you’re not. We want you to be the greatest version of yourself. We’re all flawed and in need of growth. We’re here to stand for you. We want you to stand for us.
We want you to take some fucking responsibility for your self and for your life. We aren’t asking any more of you than we’re demanding of ourselves.
How much of your being are you willing to devote to what your heart desires? Fear of pain and loss is not an excuse. You are here to LIVE and LOVE and we won’t settle for less. And the real truth is… you don’t want us to.
Right now, I’m pioneering a path to empower a new breed of women. These women stand in their power and are enough for themselves. They will no longer be hurting themselves unintentionally. The heart of our issues as women is doubting our self-worth. If we, as women, stop looking outside of ourselves and start looking at how we create our reality, we have to ask ourselves, “What am I willing to put up with?”
No man on this planet is worth half the heart ache we’ve felt. The right men, the ones still reading, now know what it means to take care us. These men won’t fuck around with our hearts. It’s time we surround ourselves with these kinds of men. We can trust these men with our hearts.
3 Quick Questions to Ask Yourself When Choosing A Man
- Do I feel good about myself around this person?
- Does this man stand for and honor my highest good and brilliance?
- Does this person treat me with respect and compassion?
If you answer NO to any of these questions: GET THE FUCK OUT!
There are way too many men in this world to settle for bullshit. And if he’s hot, honey, there will be another. There are always others.
Let’s be allies. Let’s help each other out. Life is too challenging for us to compete with one another.
XO, Kelly Marceau
PS. I want to thank 3 men in my life who’ve helped me forge my own path to self-awareness.
Adam: You started it all. DJ by night. Psychologist by day. You held up a mirror and believed in my progress. I can never thank you enough for your role in my conscious evolution.
Trevor: no man has ever allowed me to gaze more deeply into his soul than you have. We met at 23. And you still know me better today than any other man on this planet.
Conan: you are a big deal to me. You’ve humbled me greatly in my life. You taught me how to love unconditionally and stay in my heart even when I was scared. I can never thank you enough for helping me as a woman.
Edited By Samuel Hershberger / Artist Featured Image: Delphin Enjolras
Editor’s Note: If you want to read more epic articles like this follow MyTinySecrets on FACEBOOK
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Funny thing about this article is that it reads as if it’s written by someone who is taking no ‘responsibility for their shit’ at all. It comes across as a rant written from a position of blame and disappointment by someone who is projecting those feelings outwards. It is written with no respect for other people and the fact that they may have very different ideas, hopes, fears and agendas to those of a self-styled “strong and consciously awake woman”. Many people do not see their role or focus in life as living up to other people’s standards and hopes. In my experience, a lot of women who have a very strong self-image of being ‘strong and consciously awake’ are often not quite so self-aware as they believe; sometimes this focus on ‘strength’ is actually a wall that prevents a person from accepting or hearing where the other is coming from, and which can be a big barrier to them achieving the sort of relationship they want.
Far more than ‘strength’, good relationships involve a real acceptance that people are far from perfect, and a great deal of warmth, patience and understanding about that from both parties. They also involve asking for what you want, not demanding it, and realising that no one has a right to have the other person meet their needs. When treated with empathy, and as an individual rather than as a potential source of gratification, most people, men included, will want to, and try to, do their best for the other. Relationship problems are almost always two-sided in one way or another, and I’m surprised that such a consciously awake person seems so unaware of this.
When I read something like “You actively seek evolution without mommy dearest having to spank you into shape” I wonder how a woman who shows such a total lack of respect for people in how she communicates would expect men to react. Men also need warmth and empathy and acceptance for where they are right now. Like women they appreciate being seen for who they are, not for how amazing they could make the woman’s life if only they were different. Like women, men tend to respond well to being listened to, and having the other person own their feelings and desires instead of projecting them onto the man in their life. If a women is consistently choosing men who are not on her wavelength, and then expecting them to change to be what she wants (and ranting at them about their ‘inadequacies’ to try to make them do so) then the answer to the problem lies in the mirror, and nowhere else.
Loved the article, although the energy in the writing feels to be very masculine…
the opinion expressed by the writer belongs to women mostly in western countries and women outside america would most likely not agree with the writer when she says that women need love and sex
my own experience has been that women do not need men for anything. women do not feel lonely or weak ever, they are strong, at least that is what the article suggests. so if women are strong and do not need any friends or love or any relationship then what is the point of this article
the writer is saying that if men are weak, a woman should simply reject them, but if a woman is weak, a real man would support her no matter what. did I understand that correctly?
So basically you are saying that alle men must be consiously awake while only maybe 1% of the women are… To paraphrase the article… You will never get an amazing man if you’re lame… Period.
Edit: damn autocorrect 🙂
What do you mean by self awareness? Beautiful statement. How would I know it if I saw it?
These two articles are touching on some good points, but comes over a bit accusatory. As a men I need good women as well, and they are hard to find, so I wanted to respond. Lots of what been touched on has been addressed more rationally in existing books that I would recommend both men and women to read, I’m sure there are other good books as well that I have not discovered yet, but these books and authors are worth looking into:
The-Six-Pillars-Self-Esteem (it talked about Living Consciously)
Adverse Childhood Experiences and The Bomb in the Brain (Do a search on TED)
The Specifics of Living Consciously (page 72)
Living consciously entails:
– A mind that is active rather than passive.
– An intelligence that takes joy in its own function.
– Being “in the moment,” without losing the wider context.
– Reaching out towards relevant facts rather than withdrawing from them.
– Being concerned to distinguish among facts, interpretations, and emotions.
– Noticing and confronting my impulses to avoid or deny painful or threatening realities.
– Being concerned to know “where I am” relative to my various (personal and professional) goals and projects, and whether I am succeeding or failing.
– Being concerned to know if my actions are in alignment with my purposes.
– Searching for feedback from the environment so as to adjust or correct my course when necessary.
– Persevering in the attempt to understand in spite of difficulties.
– Being receptive to new knowledge and willing to re-examine old assumptions.
– Being willing to see and correct mistakes.
– Seeking always to expand awareness – a commitment to learning – therefore, a commitment to growth as a way of life.
– A concern to understand the world around me.
– A concern to know not only external reality but also internal reality, the reality of my needs, feelings, aspirations, and motives, so that I am not a stranger or a mystery to myself.
– A concern to be aware of values that move and guide me, as well as their roots, so that I am not ruled by values I have irrationally adopted or uncritically accepted from others.
A couple of other books I would add to your list are:
Conscious Loving by Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks
How to Be an Adult In Relationships by David Richo
Love and Awakening by John Welwood.
I see the passion in her words. It motivates me to continue working on my issues. However, I’m not working on becoming the greatest version of myself so a woman can have her Disney princess fantasy wedding and her “happily ever after”. NO Man should. This is why men in greater numbers are rejecting the Man Up calls: the message is to do it so women can get married and be happy. It’s all about the motives. I left women behind 13 years ago (MGTOW). The Reason? It’s in the first post of the series. Women were too bitter and angry and had no respect for men. They showed it openly for everyone to see, and continue to do so today. Incentives matter, and men will go where they’re treated best. That’s not here in the US. Feminism influenced women made sure of that. US Marriage rates are at record lows because, to be blunt, many men see a wife as a massive liability, not an asset. The biggest deterrent for men to marry is married women. They don’t inspire men to desire marriage.
Most of what was said in this post is also true if you flip the genders.
I will say this: The best way to find the one you love is to do what you love. Everyone should start with that. You’ll be in a position to make other things happen.
Great comment… precisely what I was thinking as I read the essay; I immediately found the tone of the essay condescending. Sowing intersex disharmony seems like the anachronistic product of a women’s movement that’s lost its way. I hope it appeals to fewer and fewer people.
If had a dollar for every time counseled women whom said one thing(Usually about what’s in this article) regarding men, then jumped into a relationship with exact opposite, I could buy everyone on this fine forum a new car, not a expensive BMW 7 Series but maybe a Honda Civic…
Open letter to men, from a grown woman: I like grown men who like grown women.
Simple huh 🙂
I consider myself in the process of being consciously awake. I am open to ideas, but lately (after opening up to another male friend who is struggling with moving forward in his own stuff) ive come to understand just how much I have been hurting myself. Lying to myself. Deceiving myself. Justifying my inaction. Trying to live my life through the words and actions of others. Not holding myself in my own power. Its sad when you realize that teaching your self to be self-disciplined feels so hard. I am definitely not done yet, I still have much much more to learn. Particularly, something that has bothered me is my bitterness and spite. Delving deeper into the side of myself, I realize just how petty my feels are. Seeing that side of yourself, and accepting it, and trying to move forward, my heart aches just typing this!
My last relationship ended with me not being able to cope with being on a “break”. It was a difficult moment for me, especially because I really really still wanted to be with her. But, looking at the facts, and seeing just how much of a different person she was in relation to me, finally hearing what was really being said, and realizing though it was I who thought they were tip toe-ing through rock salt, glass, and egg shells; She felt the same exact way. It makes me feel a little sick to my stomach that I could be so blind. I really was disgusted with myself for not realizing it, and seeing how one sided my emotions had been in our last moments. Even though I knew on some level how she really felt, the fact that she was sparing my feelings too..Maybe I really was being too aloof, and I definitely was not seizing the opportunities of my life. At any rate, I realized, that it wasnt healthy for me to be so hungry for an emotional connection that I used that as justification to ignore trying to be an individual, and a man. I dont want to be the kind of man that breeds doubts in his lover. I dont want to be the kind of man that can only hear words through the filter of their own thoughts.
This article, and the one before it, ill certainly take as a very important wake up call. I cant honestly expect to find a deep fullfilling, mind blowing connection with someone, if I cannot first connect fully with myself. I still need to learn to process and ground myself when I need to, and act. Act instead of thinking too much. This is very triggery, definitely feeling some anxiety pangs, but sometimes you gotta be uncomfortable to be comfortable. If I can gain enough insight into myself, my goal (which ironically i just realized I forgot about until just now) would be to give back to my brothers and try my best to help undo the false programming a lot of us have clung to. So while my heart and soul still longs to find the woman I can cherish and honor with the entirety of my being, I wont be able to see or hear her until I process my own bullshit lol
Your article is a great affirmation of the path I have undertaken, and now instead of feeling bummed about not having someone in my life right now, I think I might actually be able to…no I know I will be able to be the man that I need to be for myself! I hope coincidence brings a Woman as insightful and stormy as you in my life 🙂
Very well put. I could feel the emotion you wanted to convey and it reminded me of a situation that I myself went through almost a year ago. It spoke to me on a personal level. Everyone turns out to be a mirror of our journey sooner or later and I thank you for being a mirror that allowed me to see something beyond myself.
Great article, but can you fix the grammar mistake in this line:
“You Will Never Get An Amazing Women If You’re Lame. Period.”
It should be “woman” or remove the “an” and then women is appropriate. (I know… I have issues…)
Fuck you Lame get the meaning not the grammar 😛
I’m a consciously awake man. Dear Author, so nice to read you… I can imagine the way you would feel in a conversation, the sort of smile you put out, the look in your eyes. I’d know right away we could get along well…. Souls, recognized by vibe.
What a fine piece of work this is, the flow and prose and honesty, I’ve never read anything like it.
Words, wonderful and flowing but underneath them burning, frustrated, accepting, conflicted, the beauty of turmoil, the peacefulness of rising above it to be yourself, then diving back in. Pouring out your heart like this its something very special. Your idea, your bravery, your lust for a more perfect you, and he, whoever he might be. I loved reading it, I really do.
I love the idea of women like you.
Far and few between do I meet them because I’ve turned off. You’d walk right by me. I’ve stopped broadcasting. My station is static. My tie straight and narrow, my hair trimmed and neat.
10 years I’ve been with my woman, and she’s determined to sleep.
I wonder what karma I’m mining, staying with her? I think about it a lot lately… we just had a baby. I wonder what kind of fool I was when I knew back then we were wrong, and went ahead anyway because I’m consciously awake, and we sort know, it’s okay to make mistakes.
I see souls all the time, in the blink of an eye I know; in a room full of females, men as well, when I’m alone. Awake and alone. I lie down beside her awake and alone. I hold my dear daughter, her only hoping father and I wonder if under those deep grey eyes some day she’ll surprise me. She’ll say “Daddy, I see what you mean…. there are stars and there are people, and there’s something in between….”
I guess this mess is mine. Lately, I think about it all the time. But until I read your words, I’d forgotten what I was trying to do…. raise my daughter to be a woman like you.
wow! Incredible and thought provoking all at once. I know the feeling. I feel like i have been living in this solitary cave and for a very long time. I tell you, in my situation, I have totally engulfed myself into a new universe, created characters that entertain, uplift and inspire me. The saddest thing is that while I am alone (married for 12 years) i am completely in my own world while feeling a sense of artificial peace you may say. The internet is amazing, I have now come to the realization that I am worthy, worthy of having long conversations about life and this incredible experience we are apart of, being able to share my thoughts with the external. Sheeples will be just that, i accept it for what it is, now it is time for me to shine…
Put in the time to let her open to you? “I love the ** idea ** of women like you” and when you say you’ve never read anything like this before makes me wonder how “awake” you are. The only times ive met women who werent like this is when my heart was closed to their power. Every woman is like this. Not trying to attack you, you seem like a good guy, just figured if I were you I’d want to hear the same. Being awake doesnt involve feeling superior to people. Sounds like your heart might be closing? Pry that shit open bro. Pry until your ribs crack open and your heart explodes and you weep like the real man that you are. Float that woman on a raft of love in the ocean of your open heart. Fuckin bathe that beauty in the warm and comforting bubble bath of your unbridled love. How else can you teach your daughter but by example?
Jon, if you were even remotely awake, you would know that ‘like attracts like’. Sleepy women attract sleepy men. Yes, your woman is asleep…..now apply a little logic and wake up to one of the most basic and fundamental forces/laws of nature…..like attracts like.
“Jon, if you were even remotely awake, you would know that ‘like attracts like’.”
“now apply a little logic and wake up to one of the most basic and fundamental forces/laws of nature…..like attracts like.”
One of the most basic and fundamental forces/laws of nature is that a negatively charged and positively charged magnet will attract. Meanwhile two magnets with the same charge will repel each other. Another example of basic and fundamental force/law of nature is ions. A positively charged ion will attach to negatively charged ion but repel other positively charged ones.
Whoever told you like attracts like was very wrong and has skewered how you perceive attraction in nature.
Ahh, waiting for approval.
I think it speaks miles for you to thank three of your BFs at the conclusion. Thank you for speaking straight up on behalf of what women need and deserve. Easy to fix, we are mostly problem solvers after all.
Love both parts to this, what great words, thank you
I’d rather be alone, than with an unconsious boy. But I know I’ll be alone most of the time! Men ain’t ready
Good article. The pictures let it down so it’s hard to take seriously when you have pictures of women looking like porn stars. It really confuses the issues.
With respect, what I see here are some valid ideas, urges, and instincts obscured by generalization and bias, and emotional attachment to the self-same. The underlying message is valid, but the delivery is plagued by distraction from the real argument. Things are far more complicated than just feminine and masculine, and though I know that this article is aimed at a certain audience, the generalizations hurt the underlying ideas when you take into account the fact that our species has more than just two gender designations, and that a great deal of our behavior is based on our socially constructed reality.
The social issue I see displayed here isn’t caused by a biological imperative and our struggle against it. It is literally cognitive dissonance based on our definitions of certain social constructs not making sense in the same mental framework at the same time. But on a societal scale (or this would likely be the only article of this type.)
What I have found is that a great swath of what we as a society generally consider to be “givens” in human behavior are, in point of fact, made up. We go with the flow of the fabrication because it is very convenient for us to do so. So convenient, in fact, that we forget that we made up the notion (whatever it happens to be about) in the first place. Then we end up here, where we try to define the cause of human behavior (heavily or entirely influenced by socially constructed norms) using other social constructs. It is ultimately very circular, and I think misses the point.
I’ve written lengthy and rambling posts about this before, so I’ll try and sum up. The wonderful thing about our species is that we can choose how we think about things, within the confines of ACTUAL biological boundaries. Boundaries which are by no means well defined, despite what the narrative might be currently. The biological imperative is “that” we think, not necessarily “what” we think. That choice of “what” is the very definition of personal power, and the attachment to made-up social constructs is, I think, short changing us.
Not only do I agree with every word you wrote, but I was also astonished at how beautifully and concisely you wrote it. I hope you’re a writer, and if you’re not, you should be.
This is also a great thing for me to ruminate on in this moment. Your acuity on this topic definitely reigns in a broader more objective view on the societal aspects. I was gunna write more but, the more I re-read the more I understand what your true point is. Food for thought!
Thanks for putting this in a broader perspective. I agree!
Just by the fact women love to write and read these kinds of articles tells me women don’t follow them at all. Not-at-all. They always end up with a guy who treats them in the way they feel, deep down, they deserve to be treated. If they have low self esteem (and almost everyone in our culture does for the first 50 years, women, men, everyone), they will only respect the people who see them as they see themselves, or worse than they see themselves. Anyone who sees you better than you see yourself quickly becomes a first class asshole in your eyes. In 1-2 weeks approximately.
Groucho Marx explained low self esteem perfectly when he said, “I wouldn’t want to join any club that would have me as a member.”
But boy-oh-boy, the club that doesn’t want you! We’ll dig tunnels under, climb walls over, bribe who we have to bribe, say whatever and do whomever, to get into THAT club.
Really, the best thing to do is don’t get into any relationships with anyone until you like yourself. I know everyone will ignore my advice, but it really is the best course of action. Work on yourself. Get self-esteem not “other’s esteem”. Otherwise you’ll just create more damage.