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How To Give A Sacred Blow Job

Cock-Saliot-Sucking-MTS

About Me

Candice Holdorf is an erotic writer + performer, as well as a teacher of sexuality + orgasm. She is a regular contributor to Elephant Journal and The Good Men Project and maintains her own blog, The Orgasmic Life. She is passionate about helping people delve into the taboo places in their lives, whether it be though her coaching or her art. She is a graduate of NYU's Tisch School of the Arts and a co-founder of NYC's award-winning, Flux Theatre Ensemble. She received her sexuality coaching training at OneTaste and now teaches the practice of Orgasmic Meditation. She is a recovering anorexic and former yoga teacher. She currently resides in San Francisco with her beloved husband and their two snakes.

I remember the first time I sucked a man’s cock. I was 19 years old and desperate to explore my sexuality (the high school boys always seemed too “immature”).

I’d spent several days anticipating my upcoming tryst with this man and poured over the internet for hours looking for the best ways to give head.

After memorizing what seemed like countless “Top 10” articles, I deemed myself an expert and set out on my mission for fellatio.

The hungry little slut was born.

14 years and (*ahem*) several cocks later, I’ve found myself even more in love with sucking cock.

The soft folds in my mouth. The sweet-acrid taste. The way a man yields control with every flick of my tongue.

It’s One Of The Most Erotic Experiences For Me

The other day, I found a new level of joy in this practice. My partner knelled upright and straddled my face, while I lay on my back underneath him. This way I could work the underbelly of his head, as well as delight in the gentle curve where his shaft met his testicles.

It was exquisite. Licking his balls while stroking him with my hands, I felt like I was at an endless buffet. He slipped his fingers in my pussy, pressing up, warming and wetting me, as I reached around to finger his asshole.

The more turned-on I got, the more I wanted him in my mouth.

I Wanted Him To Fuck The Back Of My Throat

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My back arched as my pussy reached for his hands. His fingers slipped in and out in sync with his own hips. It was as if his cock reached down my throat and made direct contact with my clit.

The gagging, the spitting, the squirting – it was all an orgiastic delight that made me hungry for him. I wanted him more and more inside of me. I wanted to devour him.

Until I couldn’t take anymore. I cried out, my eyes rolled back and my whole body rocked and rippled in the choked agony of climax. I was in bliss.

There is an exquisite joy in sucking a man’s cock – something that I think more people could experience if we can let go of the idea that a man has power over us if we go down on him. Nothing could be further from the truth.

It takes an incredible amount of trust and surrender for a man to properly receive your mouth.

I suggest we give up the power struggle, admit our resentments, forgive each other and get back to the good, old-fashioned joy of fellatio.

And so, dear ones, I offer you …

3 Delicious Tips To A Meaningful Blow Job

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#1 Do It Because You Like It

The moment you start doing it because you want him to think you’re nice or because he ate your pussy or bought you dinner, you are LYING, and therefore creating a barrier between yourself and your own (and his) pleasure.

Truth is always the biggest turn-on, so if you aren’t feeling it, that’s OK.

It’s always best to move from your own pleasure. You will know the difference and he will definitely feel the difference.

And the same goes for how you are sucking his cock. There are 1001 techniques (some helpful, some moronic) on how to give head, but if you are caught in the owner’s manual, you aren’t actually feeling him and you certainly aren’t surrendering into your own joy. Plus, your unbridled enthusiasm is what he wants most.

So stay connected to what gives you the most pleasure in your own mouth and continue from there.

 #2 Slow Down

Many women and men make the mistake of grabbing someone’s dick and going to town like a spasmodic porn star. But that’s usually no fun for most people. Imagine someone grabbing you and thrusting away without any warm up.

So take your time. Feel his curves. Invite him out to play. Discover him.

There is so much to be experienced in the in-between spaces. Maybe you don’t even start with his cock, but gently kiss your way up from his feet to his thighs. Your honest and curious exploration will help keep your attention on him, but we usually need to start slow to stay present.

Remember: the longer the anticipation, the sweeter the gratification.

 #3 Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

Did I mention communicate?

It is so important, for everyone’s pleasure, that you remain in constant dialogue regarding your and your partner’s desires (just don’t talk with your mouth full).

Maybe you don’t want him to cum in your mouth. Tell him that ahead of time. Ask him if he has any areas he doesn’t want touched. Maybe you’d like him to wash up before you put your mouth on him. Maybe you need to work a little around his foreskin before pulling it down and exposing him (if he’s uncircumcised).

Whatever’s on your mind, say it – and invite him to do the same. As I said before, the truth is the biggest turn-on. And when you know each other’s boundaries and desires, you both can easily relax into the experience and delight in the joy of sucking cock.

#4 BONUS TIP!

Not so much a tip but just a gentle reminder to …

A: lube up (saliva or coconut oil work great) and

B: cover your teeth with your lips at all times (needs no explanation).

HAPPY COCK SUCKING!

By Candice Holdorf

Artist Featured: Thomas Saliot

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Share Your Thoughts

  • Pam

    Giving head is fun I make sure it is enjoyable for the both of us.

  • Mickey

    I really hate giving head. I can’t get past this. I do it when I’m asked but I have never enjoyed it with any partner. It’s almost too much for me to even think about a cock in my mouth. I feel like I’m being unfair and that I’m a freak because of this. I’m sure I’ve lost partners because I don’t enjoy it. There must be some way for me to find it not so unappealing?

    • bob

      lol yep id get rid of you too

      • Mickey

        Only the assholes are the ones that can’t get beyond this. You know, the self centered completely douce bag guys that think that’s the only thing I have to offer. I wonder if any of them will appear here? Wait…there’s one here now…everyone, meet Bob.

        • TheIntuition

          He’s not the only one who’d dump you. I would too, honestly. You’re delusional if you think any man doesn’t want you in your entirety. If you can’t forfeit yourself wholly to someone, you have no reason to expect them to give themselves to you in full.

          • Katie

            I hear what you are saying, but is is really so black and white? I know some men who are really not into having sex when a woman is on her period. But They are still worthwhile guys. I guess it depends on how important a specific act is to you.

        • disqus_BdGPsUWU2s

          Mickey, I’m sorry to hear about your negative experiences. As far
          as people like bob “getting rid of you,” I wouldn’t worry about that at
          all. Long gone are the days when society could scorn a woman for being
          single or having preferences or not doing her “womanly duty.” We are
          already born complete, and we are not lacking anybody’s approval to
          complete us.

          Go ahead. Leave. We don’t have to begrudgingly suck
          you off anymore. It’s not a threat. This article is all about doing
          this for pleasure. The author says if you do not feel pleasure, don’t
          do it for the wrong reasons.

          I, too, disliked oral sex for a long
          time. I saw it as a tedious chore that never seemed to end. Now I
          crave this experience with my partner and long to take him in my mouth.
          There are three things
          that changed for me.

          One very
          important factor is having the complete love, respect, and trust of my
          partner. This has improved every aspect of sex for both of us. We have
          very open communication about sex and what each of us is comfortable
          with or interested in. He will not “get rid of me” if I do not perform
          fellatio, nor do I require cunnilingus from him because our relationship
          is not contingent upon oral sex.

          The second change that allowed
          me to enjoy oral sex was letting go of what I thought it had to be like.
          Talking about it with my partner, we discovered that neither of us
          want fellatio to be a repetitive mechanical motion with a goal of
          orgasm. As the article suggests, it is simply making love to your
          partner. Kissing and caressing yet another part of your lover. If you
          want it to be pleasurable, do not use a pornographic video for
          reference. I enjoy giving my lover oral pleasure, and he knows how much
          pleasure I get from his penetration. I know I never have to “get him
          off” with a “blow job” because he we both prefer to reach orgasm
          together with
          penetration. This made oral sex more enjoyable for
          me. I know I can move on when I feel like moving on — whether giving
          or receiving oral sex.

          Finally, my partner and I have also
          decided that sex between us (of any kind) does not always have to result
          in orgasm. The whole point is to unite and share our hearts and
          bodies, relishing in the closeness we feel. Ever since we freed
          ourselves from this pressure of the idea that sex has to end in orgasm,
          our intimacy has grown considerably more pleasurable. We have had
          plenty of enjoyable encounters that did not end in orgasm, and we are
          well past the honeymoon.

          Finally, some women I know never enjoyed
          fellatio and later discovered they were more attracted to women. I
          don’t know how comfortable you are with the idea, but do you have any
          doubts about your sexual orientation?

    • Spiro EPC Ent.

      you look in at it wrong. Don’t suck it make love to it with your tongue and lips. Only very few can actually deep throat you have to grow into that lol.. Try fruit roll ups? Hav a drink, never sober… Good luck

    • TheIntuition

      At least you’re trying. That’s a start. So, you’re open to it. You know now, or should that you aren’t against doing it. What’s blocking you from enjoying the interaction is. Figure that out instead.

    • Pam

      Mickey some women like it some don’t. Do you not like giving head you just haven’t found the right man?

  • prymemover

    A woman who knows how to suck a cock and make me leave my body will get
    100 pct of my attention towards her pleasure just as much..and I love to
    lick and suck a womans pussy till she comes all over my tongue and my face and chest hehe

    • NatureGame

      Wait. You have to be made to leave your body before you give full attention to a woman’s pleasure? Try switching that around, you’ll have more out-of-bodies. . .

  • Chicagomatt

    I LOVE going down on a woman, hearing the soft moans, caressing her breasts an ass, feeling her writhe with passion while im there….it makes my cock get as hard as a frozen fencepost in Alaska on New Years Day. Until I read this, I never thought women felt similarly…I am going to keep licking with hope!!!

  • Still Learning

    The greatest joy is after he comes. Gentle licking and soft sucking on the head to continue the wonderful joy of his orgasm. I try to make the sensation last as long as he can handle it and gently stop when he can’t take any more.

  • Gregg

    Yes, yes, and, yes again. Brilliant discussion/description. There is something incredible a woman who loves
    to give fellatio brings to it. Quite obviously, it’s different than someone doing it out of obligation or manipulation. Just think of the guy who reluctantly or carelessly gives you cunnilingus. I hear you saying the same thing as me: Why bother…..

    But when she gives fellatio because of the rush it gives her, that she gets dripping wet, and to hear me roar like a tiger when I am coming, and then wants to do it again: That’s when I know she loves doing it. I arrive and start kissing her, she whispers in my ear that she wants to taste me. She takes her time, stops, and we kiss more, I hug her tightly, she slithers back down. I feel so deeply appreciated. My whole body quakes, electric tingling pulses through my body as my orgasm begins and continues well into ejaculation. I share my bliss and gratitude, kissing and cuddling with her. I tell her how magnificent that was for me.

    I have been incredibly blessed to receive and share such intense pleasure with some passionately expressive women. Sadly, a few women said that there was nothing in fellatio for them. I had thought that my pleasure was the norm, but almost all have said that mine was like nothing they had ever felt, that I enjoy and appreciate it more than other men. I asked myself why for many years. I humbly accept it, (both in receiving and my response) as a gift these days.

    I believe that all of us should allow ourselves to feel all the pleasure our bodies are capable of. I invite you to have the most pleasure you can in every moment. Ladies, do say yes, take your time, mingle on the burning edge of orgasm, and breathe deeply into your own orgasms, as well.

    With my deepest gratitude, thank you.

    • Patty Diaz

      Gregg, I would like to discuss more of this with you.

      • Gregg

        Patty, I am available and open to further discussion here. Please begin. I am blessed and in gratitude to receive and experience such divine pleasure.

  • NatureGame

    “cover your teeth with your lips at all times” is standard Cosmo crap and it’s just not true. In fact, it reveals you to be far less of a blowjob expert than you’d like to believe.

    I had a girlfriend who would bite my cock during her blowjobs–full teeth on the shaft like it was an ear of corn–and it felt amazing! She knew something, and how to do it–just the right force!–that no other woman I’ve been with knows. I mentioned her skill proudly to a gay friend and he just rolled his eyes. The fact that something so obvious was an eye-opener to me was just more proof to him that no woman’s blowjob could compare to a gay man’s . . .

    Doubt me? Ask a gay man . . .

    • Ken

      Then it’s good advice for novices, right?
      “She knew something…” No shit boss. She sucked cok because she enjoyed it.
      This article is for women to consider enjoying it rather than looking at it as a chore.

      It’s an interesting point, but why did you choose to be a dick about it?

      • NatureGame

        To whom was I a dick, Ken? To Cosmo? Ok, I’ll take that. Cosmo’s sex advice sucks and it has earned any disdain it gets. To gay men? I don’t think so! To the author, because I suggested she is less of an expert than she thinks if she counsels that teeth must be covered “at all times”?That’s my opinion, that that is not expert advice, whether to novices or not. Your mileage may vary. I don’t think your opinion that I’m a dick makes *you* a dick . . . (;

        • sixandthirty

          Old post i know but i have to agree with naturegame lips wrapped around teeth looks silly and feels strange. Keep your lips soft and fluid and use your teeth occasionally. Creates a multitude of sensations

          • Rosita73

            I agree also. I enjoy sucking cock IMMENSELY and I don’t need to cover my teeth at all times. Sooo yummy… Tasting the precum, feeling that powerful, erect, veiny cock in my mouth… So awesome. I don’t understand when some of my friends say it’s something they don’t enjoy at all.

          • sixandthirty

            I’m in love!

          • sixandthirty

            I’m in love , we should chat more about this sometime!

          • NatureGame

            Oh. My. Ephing. God. YES!

  • Steve Horsmon

    Excellent, Candice! I’ve got a colleague who teaches Opening to the Divine Feminine. Introduced her to your site and she’s hooked.

    Thanks for your raw, feminine, honesty!

    Steve
    Goodguys2Greatmen

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