Claire Casey has spent years traveling the sometimes dazzling, sometimes dark and rocky paths that connect the hearts of men to the women they love. As a lifelong writer, she has studied and written about the ways men and women grow (or destroy) love. Unlike the spotlight-loving, entertainment-based celebrity relationship coaches, Claire isn't a model or a TV spokesperson, and she doesn't have a lot of academic letters after her name... She just quietly empowers women to attract the kind of man who will treasure and protect a woman's heart like the rare and beautiful gem it is.
This may come as a shock to you but guys have different eyeballs than you do.
You know why I’m saying that?
Because when YOU look at yourself in the mirror, you see that front tooth that’s a bit crooked, the line where your bra presses in (you call this your ‘back fat’), the too-small breasts or the too-wide rear, your goofy knees, funny toes…. The list goes on and on.
But you know what your MAN sees?
A woman he’d love to strip naked and get busy with right this instant, maybe sooner.
MY PERSONAL BODY PART CONFESSION..
Maybe you have a muffin top ‘thing,’ but I used to HATE my feet.
When I was a teenager, I had surgery on my big toes (bunions, it’s such an ugly word!!) and for the next 20 years I zealously covered my feet. I never EVER owned a pair of sandals or open-toed shoes and would have died before I let a man openly look at my feet.
I have a big scar running the length of both big toes. My second toe is longer. My feet are… wanky. You know. Ugh, I could make myself MISERABLE thinking about my feet.
Shockingly, amazingly, wonderfully, I found a man actually willing (he would say, desperate!) to marry me.
I hope you’re laughing now, but at the time, I found it next to impossible to think about what kind of man would marry me ‘even with these feet.’
3 WAYS MEN SEE YOUR BODY
If you asked my man which of my physical attributes attracted him, it’s really hard for him to move past the standard T&A answer you’d probably get from any man. You can almost see a physical effort as he drags his sex-craving brain past the chest, past the butt, and FINALLY he’ll tell you something like,
‘She has gorgeous shoulders…’
I bet he didn’t even know I had scars on my feet for the first 10 years we were married.
Here’s the thing: Men see your body in three ways, and it’s nothing like the way you see yourself.
#1 They see what makes you WOMANLY
This means when they look at you they instantly notice the things about your body that make you uniquely a woman. Breasts, hips, ass, curves… Even the way you walk. It’s nearly impossible for a red-blooded heterosexual male to notice anything before they read the parts of your body that say: I am a woman.
Your arm flaps do not make this list.
Your cellulite does not make this list.
Your stretch marks do not make this list.
#2 They see what makes you UNIQUE
That chipped tooth you hate? They think it’s kind of charming.
The muffin top? They can’t see it because it’s too near your ass, which they think is the finest thing in nine counties.
Do you think your lips are too thin? They just love it when you smile at them. (And truthfully, when they think about your lips on their body, they are NOT thinking ‘Oh her lips are too thin.’ I PROMISE.)
If guys notice a particular body part of yours that you think makes you hideous (and I guarantee you they would never use that term) they just think it makes you uniquely… you! And since it’s YOU they are desperate for, they want that part of you as much as the others.
#3 They see what you constantly draw their attention to
This is where you have the power to rock or ruin a relationship.
When you constantly complain about your own body, a man’s desire to enjoy and love you are being eroded a little at a time. In other words, you’re rejecting him.
He thinks, ‘I could touch her body all day,’ and you say, ‘I’m too flabby.’
You’re not only tearing yourself down, you’re tearing HIM – his thoughts, his desires for you, his excitement about you – down.
And it works the other way, too. Show off your pedicure (I do, now!), go sleeveless, wear that backless dress, and ruthlessly tease him with the body he absolutely adores.
A MAN LOVES A REAL WOMAN
Of course he looks at the naked, ‘perfect’ girls in the magazine or online. And of course you’re bombarded with ‘perfect’ skinny chicks on the runway or the billboard.
But a picture of perfection – whether it’s real or not – is no competition whatsoever for a living, breathing, fragrant woman sitting next to a man at a restaurant. Or pressed slightly against him in the elevator. Perfection can go hang; you are up close and personal.
Stepford wives are creepy. You can be assured that while he might fantasize about a playmate of the month, he’ll take a real woman over a figment of his imagination EVERY time.
Celebrate your body (and let him do it, too)!
Of course you want to invest time and energy into a healthy, beautiful body. But meanwhile, don’t let your own issues with your body drive him away. You deserve all the fabulous man-attention as he wants to give you!
Republished with permission, courtesy of Claire Casey / Image Credit: Neville Clarke