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You Say “Flawed”, He Says “Sexy”: What Men Really Think About Your Body

woman flaws

About Me

Claire Casey has spent years traveling the sometimes dazzling, sometimes dark and rocky paths that connect the hearts of men to the women they love. As a lifelong writer, she has studied and written about the ways men and women grow (or destroy) love. Unlike the spotlight-loving, entertainment-based celebrity relationship coaches, Claire isn't a model or a TV spokesperson, and she doesn't have a lot of academic letters after her name... She just quietly empowers women to attract the kind of man who will treasure and protect a woman's heart like the rare and beautiful gem it is.

This may come as a shock to you but guys have different eyeballs than you do.

You know why I’m saying that?

Because when YOU look at yourself in the mirror, you see that front tooth that’s a bit crooked, the line where your bra presses in (you call this your ‘back fat’), the too-small breasts or the too-wide rear, your goofy knees, funny toes…. The list goes on and on.

But you know what your MAN sees?

A woman he’d love to strip naked and get busy with right this instant, maybe sooner.


Maybe you have a muffin top ‘thing,’ but I used to HATE my feet.

When I was a teenager, I had surgery on my big toes (bunions, it’s such an ugly word!!) and for the next 20 years I zealously covered my feet. I never EVER owned a pair of sandals or open-toed shoes and would have died before I let a man openly look at my feet.

I have a big scar running the length of both big toes. My second toe is longer. My feet are… wanky. You know. Ugh, I could make myself MISERABLE thinking about my feet.

Shockingly, amazingly, wonderfully, I found a man actually willing (he would say, desperate!) to marry me.

I hope you’re laughing now, but at the time, I found it next to impossible to think about what kind of man would marry me ‘even with these feet.’


If you asked my man which of my physical attributes attracted him, it’s really hard for him to move past the standard T&A answer you’d probably get from any man. You can almost see a physical effort as he drags his sex-craving brain past the chest, past the butt, and FINALLY he’ll tell you something like,

‘She has gorgeous shoulders…’

I bet he didn’t even know I had scars on my feet for the first 10 years we were married.

Here’s the thing: Men see your body in three ways, and it’s nothing like the way you see yourself.

#1 They see what makes you WOMANLY

This means when they look at you they instantly notice the things about your body that make you uniquely a woman. Breasts, hips, ass, curves… Even the way you walk. It’s nearly impossible for a red-blooded heterosexual male to notice anything before they read the parts of your body that say: I am a woman.

Your arm flaps do not make this list.

Your cellulite does not make this list.

Your stretch marks do not make this list.


#2 They see what makes you UNIQUE

That chipped tooth you hate? They think it’s kind of charming.

The muffin top? They can’t see it because it’s too near your ass, which they think is the finest thing in nine counties.

Do you think your lips are too thin? They just love it when you smile at them. (And truthfully, when they think about your lips on their body, they are NOT thinking ‘Oh her lips are too thin.’ I PROMISE.)

If guys notice a particular body part of yours that you think makes you hideous (and I guarantee you they would never use that term) they just think it makes you uniquely… you! And since it’s YOU they are desperate for, they want that part of you as much as the others.

#3 They see what you constantly draw their attention to

This is where you have the power to rock or ruin a relationship.

When you constantly complain about your own body, a man’s desire to enjoy and love you are being eroded a little at a time. In other words, you’re rejecting him.

He thinks, ‘I could touch her body all day,’ and you say, ‘I’m too flabby.’

You’re not only tearing yourself down, you’re tearing HIM – his thoughts, his desires for you, his excitement about you – down.

And it works the other way, too. Show off your pedicure (I do, now!), go sleeveless, wear that backless dress, and ruthlessly tease him with the body he absolutely adores.


Of course he looks at the naked, ‘perfect’ girls in the magazine or online. And of course you’re bombarded with ‘perfect’ skinny chicks on the runway or the billboard.

But a picture of perfection – whether it’s real or not – is no competition whatsoever for a living, breathing, fragrant woman sitting next to a man at a restaurant. Or pressed slightly against him in the elevator. Perfection can go hang; you are up close and personal.

Stepford wives are creepy. You can be assured that while he might fantasize about a playmate of the month, he’ll take a real woman over a figment of his imagination EVERY time.

Celebrate your body (and let him do it, too)!

Of course you want to invest time and energy into a healthy, beautiful body. But meanwhile, don’t let your own issues with your body drive him away. You deserve all the fabulous man-attention as he wants to give you!

Republished with permission, courtesy of  Claire Casey / Image Credit: Neville Clarke


Editor’s Note: You might want to read about this powerful, ancient old secret. For real woman only.

By the way: If you are fed up with society making you feel as if you are flawed check out this picture:

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  • Larnot

    Some women take this kind of unadulterated admiration and use it for a license to trample a man’s feelings. Some can even become downright abusive. I was married to such a woman. She was beautiful to me in all ways except when she acted ugly (verbally and otherwise abusive), which became often. She took for granted the complements, the little special and extra things I did not just to “make” her happy, but because I wanted to let her know how much she meant to me. It just got worse and worse and after 8 years (the last few were the worst) I finally came to the realization that my kindness was being misunderstood as weakness and capitalized upon. I had to leave at a certain point, when she told me that I had no rights to have feelings or to expect to be treated as an equal in my own house. It seems like if you give many people (regardless of sex) too much of a good thing, they will just expect more until it becomes abusive. Someone else (a professional) had to point it out to me what was happening, and they were right.

  • Abc123

    I love this article and I’m so encouraged by it. I’m in the mist of a pretty steamy courtship, which is causing me to pick my self apart more than ever. I’m slender everywhere else, but my body likes to store ‘reserves’ in my toosh and tummy. (I’d MUCH rather it be in my boobs, but who doesn’t?) He’s extremely affectionate with me (even in public), but I can’t help but wish I was hotter. Mainly because he’s got movie-star good looks and guys like him usually date 10’s. He flirted with me for 5 years, before I let my guard down with him. Maybe he doesn’t mind a little more butt and tummy, but I’m still shy when he wants to see my body, which is all the time!

    • Mark Boyd

      How do you know you’re not a 10 in his eyes? I know women like to complicate things, but just accept that he actually LIKES you. He wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t. Btw, even the “10’s” have flaws. Every single person on the planet does.

      • Abc123

        I know your reply is 3 months old, but I’m just now reading it. Thank you very, very much. He’s still chasing me, so maybe he does like me a teeny, tiny bit. 🙂

  • jettrink

    ugh #1… please no.

    I don’t have any arm flaps, cellulite, stretch marks.
    But I don’t have any boobs, ass or curves either.

    Not looking “Womanly” really sucks.

    • Antuan Develle Claude

      That’s suffering.

      • jettrink

        I know right.

  • Beth

    This article is great! I have a better understanding of what my boyfriend’s mindset is now vs. my own doubts and insecurities!

  • Suresh Thota

    it really boosts my confidence… now i will try to enjoy the beauty of intercourse without any hesitation about physical appearance… thanks you all. thank you so much 🙂 I Love You.

  • Mikayla

    I am told by many people that I am pretty, but I had a bad past that as much as I try not to gets in the way of my self confidence. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now and he has only ever said anything about my looks whenever I bring it up. Not that I was fishing for compliments or anything I just had a genuine concern, and he always just blows it off. From reading this article and the comments, men who care do exist, and I think my boyfriend cares but it is very hard to hear that I am attractive from people who are strangers as opposed to those that I love.

  • THANK YOU. <3

  • BB

    After reading your comment I felt rather sad. What an asshole! Nobody is perfect, everybody has flaws.
    Just gotta accept yourself as you are, if you don’t you will not be happy. For me it’s actually been years since I’ve looked down upon my body because I am me. I hope you do the same. 🙂

    • Rosalie

      now how is what minimishra mentioned “a flaw”?

  • Allison

    Out of curiosity to the guys here, do you find the picture at the top attractive? My body is very similar, but I’ve always been self-conscious about my tummy.

    • Orvar

      I personally think that’s the perfect body.

    • VTB

      Hi Allison, definitely! If you look like that then keep doing what your doing.

    • Alex Dubois

      I read recently where men are not attracted to an “image” of a woman but are attracted to the “whole person” which includes not only her body, but also her personality, her intellect, her sense of humor and her outlook on life. I see women in public that are physically attractive, but I am not attracted to them, because I don’t KNOW them. How can I be attracted to someone that is a mystery to me? This may sound crazy, but the only reason I would go looking for a partner is if I were unsatisfied with my wife, which I am NOT!!! The old adage that “happy men” don’t seek a new partner is absolutely correct. As mentioned in this and other articles on this site, a real man should be in love with the whole package, rather than an image of just physicality. Evolution has hardwired men to be attracted to women when we are alone, and I really think that when we are fulfilled by our mate, we really don’t spend mental energy looking for something new. If a man does that, I think he is to be avoided and the woman in a situation like that should not take it personally, especially with regard to how she thinks she looks, because she is NOT the problem.

    • Marco Garibaldi

      Dear Allison, I have been in conflict with the idea of a perfect female body as imposed by today’s conventions all my adult life. Trust me, there are many men who think that a woman with a body like the picture you point to is very attractive and is actually quite erotic. And, yes, your tummy can be quite sexy! There, I said it… 🙂

    • Skully Truth

      Yes. 🙂

  • Mike Goslin

    This is 100% accurate, my girlfriend is so hard on herself and I constintly compliment her on her looks, I am absolutely 100% attracted to her and I actually see what she will call flaws as her unique features. I mean after all would I be with a woman I was not attracted to? Of course not. Women are way too hard on themselves but I blame that on the media and all these photoshopped “perfect bodies”.

    • Beth

      This is very true! I’m guilty!

  • THL

    Explaining how a man sees anything would be difficult to explain using only emotion words, because most of it isn’t even emotion-related. Think of a house that is filled with boxes, and none of the boxes touch each other. Guys have a box for this and that, and each emotion is in a separate box, and only a few boxes at that. Some boxes can be opened at the same time, but generally one is closed before another is opened. Things get too messy if more than a few boxes are open, and emotion is closed most of the time. There is an enormous world outside of emotion that men have and dwell in freely. If you’re trying to gauge how a man sees woman’s body, you’re opening two boxes at once, and not really getting it..

  • Mike

    Love this post. So right on about the way real men look at the woman they love.

  • Anonymous

    My ex used to compliment my looks all the time, but he didn’t want to touch me. He had zero sex drive, so I believe it was just words he was using to compensate. I think that a man with a normal libido can get turned on by a “real” woman, but too many men these days are brainwashed by media and porn. And at 32, I’m guessing that most if not all of these good, “healthy” men are taken.

    • Samantha Proudlock

      I have this issue with my 2nd husband, and as much as I know he really means it when he says he finds me attractive, the lack of actions to back it up puts a very negative spin on things. I have zero body confidence, in fact I cant remember the last time I actively liked anything about my body – my guess is well before my 1st marriage – which was almost 20 years ago.

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  • Celessa Dietzel

    How about not giving a shit about what men think of women’s bodies? Women should NEVER depend on men’s opinions of themselves for their own self-worth. What year is this again? 1950?

    Women, please take a moment and stand in front of your mirror. Decide to love yourself. It’s a hard thing to do, it might take years, and it might be a battle, but never wait for a man or a partner to tell you that you are a priceless human being, perfect in all of your (and I emphasize the quotations) “imperfections.”

    I wish to determine my own self-worth, thank-you-very-much.

    I genuinely hope the author does not really believe what she writes. She is a talented writer, and I hope her writing leads her on a journey where she realizes HER own self-worth, regardless of “what men really think.”

    • SirDudeManGuy

      I love how a woman who wants a man to love her for her body is now critisized. “You’re so shallow” or “What is this? The 1950’s?” or “I hope she’s not being serious”.

      It used to be that it was alright for a women to feel empowered by the way she looked, that she could make herself pretty for her man (or her woman) and no one would care. But people are so worked up about women’s rights, that they don’t care what or who they destroy in their quest to “make things right”.

      It’s kind of sad.

      • ToruKun1

        I don’t see how not caring about a man’s opinion on your looks is “destroying things” but you do you.

        • SirDudeManGuy

          Not caring about a man’s opinion is fine. But the person I replied to was opening criticizing a lady for doing the opposite. So it’s fine not to care about a man’s opinion, but the moment a woman does care about what her husband/boyfriend/partner thinks then it’s bad?

          Try to read my whole comment and not the last twelve or so words of it. Then again, you could just keep doing you, whatever works.

    • Veesa Lee

      Um, you can be empowered and love your own body, but also want to know how *others* see it. You may very well see yourself as a priceless human being (and we all are). But this article addresses more the *f*ckability” issue, which can be separate from the “I’m a priceless human being” thing.

  • Odysseia

    …Unfortunately, there are many men who are not ‘quality’ men. I’m referring to the narcissists. Both of my ex-husbands were super narcissists (and not good looking themselves either) and they would check on my flaws….Especially my second ex, would get turned off by a few spider veins I had on my lower legs! And my last boyfriend (whom I broke it off and now we remain friends only) was a sociopath and would get bored easily. He’d get off only with provocative, super slutty women but he wanted me because I filled in for his ‘mom’…He is a Peter Pan who btw, is happy getting off by himself too as long as he’s next to his beloved computer….
    He was turned off by the extra fat I carry on my hips (saddlebags) even though I have a fit body but I have mediterranean spot fat so he didnt like that. I also have saggy breasts – something I had from a young age and so he’d rarely touch my breasts!!!
    I didnt have the money to have a lipo done neither breast enlargement but thankfully, soon enough, I realized the man is such a narcissist that he finally admitted to me he prefers younger women only…I am sick and tired of being with narcissists who surprisingly all had my mother’s personality and a super narcissist herself! She would eat off from my plate when I was a teen so I wont gain weight! Or she would constantly judge me if I had gained some weight….Psycho, toxic and insecure parents totally unfit to raise children…and then we wonder how did the world end up this way today..

  • thesecondarything

    Btw, this site is just a little…gay.

  • thesecondarything

    This is the dumbest shit..

    Just get healthy. If you’re healthy, your body should be fine unless you got part of it blown off by an IED. If you can’t change it, then stop worrying. Chicks, I swear.

  • Thank you for summing up what I’ve always stressed to my wife well before and after we got married. Like many straight men, I admit to being drawn to clear skin, a Coke bottle figure and healthy bust-and-butt combo. But at the end of the day, I know those fantasies will never compare to the tangible care and real love my wife showers me unfailingly.

    And yes, I do hate it whenever she complains about how other women have bigger busts and leaner figures than her, because I hate how she ends up devaluing herself. She was worth the five years I waited to be proven wrong, and now I’m determined to let her know she’ll always be worth it.

    Any man can love a million women. Real men can love a woman one million ways. Keep that in mind, ladies.

  • Sophia

    But why should how women feel be determined by their images in men’s eyes? I don’t think a woman should think herself less because of some body imperfection; a woman’s confidence, however, should be defined by herself, not the sexual drive of the opposite sex. This article has great intentions, but deep down it is still sexist talking.

    • Ricky Calloway

      Wow! There’s always someone who can squeeze something negative out of a positive article. Nobody likes a Negative Nancy. You obviously have some confidence issues or hate and discontent toward men.

    • Eric

      Re-read the article. It says to stop being insecure about physical imperfections. Men don’t care about them. So, why do women care so much?

      Women hold themselves to a standard that has nothing to do the the image men have of them. The standard they compare themselves to comes from Cosmo, Vanity Fair, People, etc. And is usually written by women and gay men. Not the target demographic you are are hoping to attract.

      Most men don’t care about expensive nails or hair color. Most men would rather see a few blemishes, rather than crusty concealer flaking off your face. I’ve never met a guy who is turned on by mascara or panty hose..yuk. l could live a happy life never smelling perfume again. Tomboy’s are sexier than glamor girls.

  • WDanewood

    Great Article , Women please stop thinking that all Men are attracted to playboy pinups.
    For me they are ‘manufactured’ images that leave myself and many Men cold .
    Women come in all shapes and sizes and many of them I find beautiful , but what is most attractive is a confident Woman secure in her own body

  • Brittni Moyer

    “When you constantly complain about your own body, a man’s desire to enjoy and love you are being eroded a little at a time. In other words, you’re rejecting him.” This is what my husband says when I have something bad to say about my body.. he says he feels like I’m insulting his beautiful wife..and it’s true (same goes for him when he puts himself down), I am a confident person but I get self conscious at times about certain parts of my body ( my stretch marks from being pregnant for example)…but those imperfections are perfection, they are part of what makes me who I am… so why not just embrace them.

  • Tray

    I find it disturbing that so many women felt this article helpful. It’s disturbing because it’s apparent women trust the opinions and ideas of women about men more than they do men about men. Everything in this article has been said by countless men, countless comedians, countless sitcoms, etc…. Men aren’t that hard to figure out, we like things simple and comfortable so our taste are simple. Sure, there are some more than likely homosexual guys or an angry undesirable dude that somehow built up in his mind that a woman has to be “perfect ” for him to get with her, that don’t agree with this list, but generally it’s mostly spot on. Just be clean and do your best, and remember one major thing….. What you think about your body is completely irrelevant. Focus on being an awesome woman and not an annoyance, and you are good to go.

  • Angie Escobar

    Im not the sexiest nor the most beautiful girl out there nor am I known for my looks, but its the confidence in a woman that drives a man crazy. I have had so many men attracted to me even some really hot guys, because I was confident in me even when I looked my worst, Im not skinny either. Loving you is all that matters not everyone will love you or be attracted to you, let loose and have fun enjoy loving yourself becuase just like stress life has its flaws 😉

  • Joe Black

    There is truth to this article. Perhaps it’s critical to underscore that when a man loves a woman, truly loves a woman, her flaws will give so called hot women a run for their money. I will say this, intimacy with a flawed women for which I love deeply is far better than that of intimacy with a woman who is hot and I zero feelings for. Different strokes for different folks. Give a man love, respect and treat him as a man, and he will love every single flaw on your body. Most “so called” hot women are so clueless when it comes to loving a man that the so called perfect gets old real quick. I’ll take imperfection hands down! Besides looks don’t last for ever and cannot be sustained indefinitely.

  • Thanks for making me smile. I started to read the other comments before I posted my note (reminder to never do that again) and I have to disagree with the negative comments wholeheartedly. Some people should just keep their thoughts to themselves. Thank you for an uplifting, encouraging message. It made me reflect on every time I complain about my thighs and tummy just to be reminded of the way my husband bites his lip when he talks about my thighs. And my tummy…well, I’m the mommy of five children…no shame in that!

  • Honest Abe

    Finally, a true and real article about how men feel. I read it and I still couldn’t give my wife a reason why, but she has always been “my girl” even after 35 years and 3 kids! Thank You

  • Jayge Sattler

    This is gross. And I don’t agree with any of it. Arm flaps, cellulite & stretch marks? My goodness this is depression porn.

    • smarter than you

      Women are beautiful man. All shapes and sizes. Of course there are some dumped out trolls just like there are among dudes, but if you cant just appreciate the beauty of a woman then you’re flat out lost. Their hips which we are instinctively attracted to relating to fertility and child birthing abilities. Stretch marks mean either she was small and got a bit bigger or big and got smaller. 90% of the time its from child birth, the most beautiful thing a woman can do (IMO). If a stretch mark can throw you off your game when youre in bed with a lady, then I think that you should get your balls checked because what makes men MEN doesn’t seem to be present in that sad sack between YOUR legs.

    • Brenda Piccolo

      Arm flaps, cellulite and stretch marks are all signs of a real woman giving birth to a man’s child…..What do you find depressing there???? It is a beautiful experience.. Good luck with a real relationship if you are looking for only superficial looks!!

      • ToruKun1

        You could also have arm flab, cellulite and stretch marks just ‘cuz…y’know…you’re fat. You don’t have to have been pregnant for that to be a thing.

    • Lizzie Reynell O’Brien

      So I presume you have a body like a young Arnie and are dating a supermodel? Because if not, a little bit judgemental. I mean, your body must be absolutely perfect right to go around judging other peoples, especially women who have stretch marks from a little thing called pregnancy. My mum showed me the stretch marks she has from giving birth to me, it made me overwhelmingly happy that she went through that for me-just like it should make any man love a woman who does that to give birth to his child. Women are already bombarded with images of stick thin models who make women with lower confidence feel like shit without having to come onto articles like this one and see a man (who frankly, from your pic is nothing special) being judgemental. Get over yourself

    • Drophammer77

      If you would of read the article instead of surfing past the words about skin flap, cellulite, stretchmarks the Author states that those are Not on the list. But as a Husband I do appreciate those qualities. The parts of My Wife’s body is what makes her unique. When I see her stretch marks I think of the Love & physical body pain she endured to carry a child for 9 months that we made together. A Woman Knows before pregnancy what will happen to their body & yet Love Us Men enough to sacrifice Their body’s to carry our Children. How many of us Men in the world would sacrifice our own body imperfections for our Woman? Could we do what our Woman did by having kids with us knowing this before that every time she laughed she might pee? Every flaw my wife believe she has Is Apart Of Me & I Love it all. It does cut my esteem down when she says she hates how she looks. No Other Man could possibly see the physical beauty of my wife that I see. Also her Inwardly Beauty that she knowingly would be sacrificing her outwardly appearance to have our children & spend time with me instead of going to the Gym 24/7.

  • When my wife and I first were together…she apologized for her breasts. I was flabberghasted. Apologize for what? She is so beautiful to me. But she saw herself differently I guess. She said that she has never liked her own breasts. How sad is that? We’ve been together almost fifteen years now and married for nine of those fifteen. I met her when I was thirty six and she was forty. I don’t think much has changed between us. I still look at her in awe. I feel like a teenager when I’m with her…and we’re always together…why wouldn’t we be? She has been the most amazing step-mother to my two kids…one of whom is attending college now at San Diego State University and the other one in her senior year in high school. My kids adore her. What a blessing to have this amazing, wonderful, talented, caring, loving, compassionate and giving lady in my life. Her family is also really wonderful too.

    Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. I have always been attracted to personality and character over looks. I am so blessed to have my wife and best friend with me…my soul mate. I have my flaws…external and internal…but she still loves me and I love her. Even after a disagreement, we still hug and kiss and tell each other that we love each other. That is the only way to move forward. Love yourself just as you are…because you are stuck with the body you got.

  • Chad Myers

    I’m going to catch a lot of shit for this…but this article is bullshit. It’s another one of those “you’re beautiful no matter what you are” articles that are written to make others feel better about themselves no matter the circumstance. EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL! Love you for YOU! Bullshit.

    Ladies, be honest…would you date this man:


    Don’t even f*cking lie.

    I think we’re at a point where women expect far more from men physically than men expect from women. Guys are so used to be labeled as “pigs” and “shallow” that we aren’t allowed to have an opinion anymore. And if we do…we’re assholes.

    “Maybe you have a muffin top ‘thing…”. Yeah that’s a real thing. It’s called being overweight. I’m overweight as well…I guess my gut hanging over my belt is just part of my “character” and is a sexy thing to other women, right? Guess them women see it as my pants are too tight “thing”…shut up. I’m fat. I know it. Stop sugar coating it.

    Apart from popular belief, guys look at more than your tits and ass. For most guys it’s more an “overall” thing. And in overall I mean looks, cleanliness, and personality…yep I know, crazy! Men actually like personality! We’re not cavemen that are all “ugh, jane pretty, have tight ass…many many good babies.”

    Women know what is overweight. Men know what is overweight. Attractive people attract other attractive people. It’s fucking simple. If you’re average to ugly like myself… know what I’m talkin about. If you’re one of those “fine” people, I guarantee you’re laughing.

    • dave cruz

      Hahaha ur the fukn shit chad

    • Christopher Cartwright

      This article is 100% true when it comes to my point of view as a straight guy. Every word of this.

      So even though it may not be true to you, it varies person to person I guess.

      • cpadd

        operative words straight mature MAN. Very different from a media minded metrosexual kid.

    • creaturebaby

      I think there are a lot of thin women that pick their bodies apart. At least I am guilty of that. I try not to pick out things I don’t like, but we all have them. I ask if my thighs look fat in certain pants and my husband gets frustrated and says he doesn’t know what I’m talking about…he loves my body and says I’m hot. I suspect I’m not the only one. I don’t weigh myself but I’m guessing I weigh about 115 and am 5’2″. So many women have low self esteem at least when it comes to their bodies. Whether we are thin, average, or overweight. ..a little positivity in an article like this can go a long way.

    • Kitt

      I got a little “muffin top ‘thing” from having a baby. I weighed 121 pounds when I first got pregnant, and then gained 45 pounds, have lost 20 since. I didn’t get the stretch marks or anything until after I had my baby. I never had a “muffin top” either, and I don’t know if it will ever truly be gone because my skin is now stretched. Guess I’m just considered ugly.

    • ChristineK/ChrissieK

      404 – Not Found

  • kristi

    I’ve been married to the same man for 22 years, and he tells me eveyday how beautiful, and sexy I am, I admit I don’t look bad, i’m not perfect by any means, but i am to him, and that’s all that matters to me, So thank you guys, sometimes a women needs to hear this from someone other than the man in her life. #gymtime #nola

  • Jessica Smith

    I really needed that, I have an amazing man and he TELLS me I’m beautiful and I always say something back bout myself negative, and I don’t want to push him away… I have never had someone make me feel the way he does

  • torydavis

    The comic Martin Lawrence once said in a stand up routine something like this: Ladies! You do not need to feel bad about how you look. Because whoever you are, somewhere, right now, a man is on the internet looking for naked pictures of a woman who looks just like you!

  • Rick

    Thank you Claire.
    I was married for almost 10 years to my soul mate cancer hit her 3 years into our marriage. First and foremost she is my best friend and I love her with every beat of my heart. On that note we feel apart we are divorced but I will wait I will jump and I will do anything to hold that beautiful creature God gave me in my arms. I posted your story to her, it was a major part of our fallout out after cancer, she stopped believing she was beautiful. The truth is Shes the most georgious woman I’ve ever known. I will wait to see if she sees what I do about her. ps Shawna I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU! Thank you so much for this story!
    Eric Elander.

  • Nathan Dross

    This article is 100% dead on. Take it from this man every woman is sexy in their own way! 17 years of marriage and my wife looks better and better!

  • Bodyn Soil

    Excellent post, I hope it helps more people to see themselves with their critical eye filter set to off..

  • Grown Azz Kid

    This is so accurate! Never in my life have I ever fallen for a girl and noticed her flaws. Only time I notice them is when she brings them to my attention. The only time men really notice flaws is when a woman he fell in love with let’s herself go. That’s the hardest to deal with, especially when she isn’t willing to do anything about it. Sadly, that could break a relationship.

    • MamaJay

      Men let themselves go in relationships as well, should we decide to divorce if he lets himself go as you would with a woman?

      • Grown Azz Kid

        If it makes you less attracted to that person, yes. There’s no need to stay with someone you’re not attracted to. That’s living a lie.

        • prettyinpunkriotgrrl

          I got ovarian cancer about a year after my husband and I got married. Wound up losing basically everything I (or he) had loved about my body, as I was skeletal-thin from not being able to keep food down, lost my hair, etc. I’m glad that he didn’t feel the way you do about it. He was one of the main reasons I was even able to endure living through that hell (and my humiliation over how I looked for a good two years), because it was and is ME that he’s attracted to, the person, not the body. I can’t say I’m not intensely relieved and overjoyed to have my looks back along with my health, but I’m even more grateful for being with a man who damn well proved that love, respect, and attraction for someone have absolutely nothing to do with how “hot” they are.

  • Great article full of positive vibes.

  • Scott Michael Bowers

    Well done! Shared this with my wife — the single most beautiful woman on planet Earth — who has given birth to our three children and has battled Parkinson’s disease since the age of 30.
    Love, sex, sexiness — comes from the soul. It runs way deeper than any stretch mark, any bad hair day (and as a shaved head man, I haven’t had a bad hair day myself in roughly 20 years), and/or whether or not that dress makes your butt look big … we just like looking at your butt 🙂

    Once more, bravo!

  • yrod89

    I LOVE THIS ! She gives examples of what every woman is going through. (Skinny or Curvy) She implies that to be a real woman means to love oneself. This is beautiful and I hope every girl reads this. If you meet someone who bothers you with your flaws, then he’s not worth it. FIND YOURSEL A MAN. Sharing this!

  • Satisha King

    Lies all lies… men want perfection cause it’s what they see in porno. Whoever wrote this article has never heard of the porn industry.

    • Zack Weatherford

      There is actually a comment about what men see in magazines or online, implying Porn. You obviously didnt read the article very well.

    • Joey C

      Well as a heterosexual male who watches porn (often with my lady) I must say no, no you are absolutely wrong when you say we want perfection:
      A) unless I have a perfect body, the idea of being with someone who does is too intimidating and puts a ton of pressure on me to try to get on her “level”
      B) have you watched porno lately? The majority of women in the films and videos we watch have curves, hips, tits and ass as well as body modifications. I assume you are using the term “porno” to refer to a bygone ideal of what adult actresses look like, but this is the 21st century, anyone can be a star in porn, body type doesn’t matter, attitude and skills (and a market for it) does.
      Men like what men like, it’s pretty subjective. The purpose of the article was to show women that what they hate about their bodies may very well be what their men love. And even if it isn’t, women shouldn’t use their own insecurities to push their partner away from that part because that drives a distance between them that can grow into resentment, frustration and possibly them leaving or being unfaithful because they feel helpless and confused and rejected.

      • Sawyer Donk

        Very wise.

    • todd blackhawk

      I have heard of the porn industry and sometimes me and my wife watch the Victiria Secret special on TV, but I promise you this, there is not a woman in the porn industry, or VS that I would rather be than with my wife. She is no size 1 or 2 or 6 for that matter, but she is the perfect size for me and I would not want her any other way. As for perfection, she is as close to perfection that I have ever seen or ever care to see. She is perfect for me.

      • tiff

        I personally think the Husband/boyfriend shouldn’t look at any girl other than their significant other. In real life, or on social media. BUT if the wife/girlfriend enjoys watching it with them, then more power to them.

        • Drew Faust

          You can think they shouldn’t all you want, just expect a world of dissapointment because every guy looks. Just like every girl looks at good looking, half naked men, but because of feminism its cool for women but not males right?

          • Hannah Huyck

            Definitely not true of all women. The second that I feel a deep connection to a man I never look at another man and I don’t have the desire to. Frankly, with my man no other guy will ever be as attractive in anyway. Because of this I expect the same from him and I never catch him looking or flirting and he only has eyes for me.

        • thereddiva80

          Should men walk around with a blindfold over their eyes for they rest of their lives? Men and women will look at people other than their S.O. If you think that will never and should never happen then you’re living in some kind of fantasy world. Appreciating the appearance of another human being is healthy and expected. What isn’t healthy is expecting the person you’re with to only ever look at *you*, only ever find *you* attractive. That’s very controlling and shows your lack self esteem and trust in your partner.

    • David A. Ishmael

      Everything this person has said in this article is absolutely true! Any man or woman that would agree otherwise is only out for one thing.

    • Xaq DaBear

      Way to blanket statement half of the species. Suppose all men are hate filled rape monkeys too?

      • Drew Faust

        What the hell are you talking about? Don’t start straw man arguments, shows how petty and ignorant you are. Where in the hell did you come up with “suppose all men are hate filled rape monkeys too?”. Obviously your life is miserable so you get on the internet to bitch about dumb crap and make up an argument that was never there to begin with.

        • jill

          Calm down. That’s exactly what they were saying. U just read it wrong. So basically YOU are the ine now making up an argument that was never there to begin with

        • Christine Lyon

          I think he was saying, ‘I bet you supposed that all mean are hate filled rape monkeys too?’ She was generalizing with the first statement, so it sounds like she’d agree with the second statement too. He wasn’t saying it, but asking if SHE believed that.

    • Billy Howell

      The article was nearly spot on for me – as close as one has come I do believe.

    • ReesWoon

      Maybe you just have a bad choice in men cause i love someone that didnt think to highly of herself but year after year i continude to tell her she’s beautiful an i luv porn but it dont mean nthn to me at least

    • AR

      I doubt it …but ‘perfection’ is becoming popular with more western brain washed ads so I see what you’re saying but there are guys who aren’t small in number who love all of the things stated above

    • Jez11

      You need to dump whoever you are with and get with a real man.

    • Cristy W

      Boys want perfection. MEN want real women. You’ll find your man if you look in the right places.

    • Jenn

      Shallow, immature men expect physical perfection. Mature, interesting and dare I say –real– men recognize beauty in the flaws and love every bit of it. Just like us women do with men. Not all men look like movie stars or models, but they are beautiful in their own way. Yes, men can be beautiful even if they don’t have six packs or muscular arms. Appreciate the flaws in others, and your flaws will be appreciated in return. Once you stop thinking others are looking only for perfection, and most importantly when you stop looking for perfection in others, a whole world of magnificent and diverse beauty will unfold for you.

    • Robert Channing Smith

      Maybe you need to read the article a little better, maybe you need to do a little research. Studies prove what this author is saying….. maybe that has been your experience. If it has you really need to evaluate yourself and see why you are attracted to these sort of men. My wife has had 4 kids, and has the usual little belly pooch, stretch marks, etc. That goes along with that. It makes her a sexy, hot mess that I can’t keep my hands off of. She is a REAL woman. Those Internet models do nothing but look sick with all the bones hanging out. Give me a real woman anytime. ….

    • caitlyn k

      I’m guessing you’ve never actually watched porn before. Many porn stars are far from perfect. Keep in mind there are also BBW porn stars, as well as physically deformed porn stars. I think what you mean is Photoshopped women in ads, magazines, and other forms of media that allow for women and men to be photoshopped.

  • Bianca Roberts

    Aw this was an awesome read! Thanks for sharing!

  • Sexy Cool

    Lawd – I think I just shed a tear. (lol)

  • adez


  • Keyaira Lee-McLeod

    this was a good article, to me. i don’t get it, she’s not bashing skinny/ fit/ thin woman. Have we forgot what she looks like?? She seems centered and like she is just trying to create positivity. If misconstrued, i really don’t think she meant it that way. Everyone is beautiful and its our body so we should just except, love and be proud of it.

    • Mark

      I agree, and would like to add that bodies are only a portion of the whole person. What drives me wild may be rooted in physical chemistry, but it transcends basic physical traits. For example, kindness and sincerity make me sexually alert. Foreplay for me often starts when my partner has spontaneously said or done something genuine, and selfless. I just want to strip her down right there, and give her tenfold the pleasure and adoration she just bestowed on a nameless stranger. Love is the greatest aphrodisiac!

  • Ice Halili


  • Troy

    Uh, all she said was to let go of the things you think guys focus on; don’t get hung up on what you perceive as your imperfections, guys probably don’t notice or care about them. As a guy, a pretty good looking one too, I see all the physical things, like the author mentioned; typical T&A. But you know what? The only thing that keeps me around? The woman herself. The Author is right when she says that men will celebrate that thing you hate about your body because to us, when we get to know you and be a part of your life, it means it’s just for us; we saw the diamond in the rough and got lucky enough to enjoy it. Care less about your body (but stay healthy) and care more about developing yourself.

  • Lindsey Rae Wilson

    People really need to stop trolling. All this artucle suggests is helping that one woman who sees herself a certain way. If she has a good man like i do, he doesnt care what you look like. Like some of these comments suggest. Its not bashing skinny women at all, even skinny women sometimes feel a certain way.
    And no, this doesn’t apply to all men or women. If it doesn’t, how about you do us all a favor? Leave.

    • Billy Howell

      I disagree that she is saying that guys don’t care. I believe the point was that they do care but see the beauty that women don’t because women are too busy criticizing themselves.

  • 007femaleagent

    Could you please stop with this bullshit, “Men like real women.” EVERY WOMAN IS REAL. The size or the shape of her body plays no role in her being a woman. So slender women are fake? You fucking kidding me??
    I’m tired of reading this crap message, “Real men go for curves only dogs go for bones.” Men like whatever the fuck they like, and the same applies to women. Stop trying to uplift one body type while shaming the other. We are all born unique, stop trying to force yourself into a mold. And remember, that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

    • Eden Summers

      You, my friend, have made my day. I feel exactly the same way.

    • Alicia E.J.

      Where in the article did the author say that? I mean sure she said men like real women, but if you bothered to actually read what she wrote instead of stopping at that one single moment you would know that she wasn’t talking about skinny women vs. fat women, but rather a REAL woman (as in every woman) vs. an overly madeup picture in a magazine. Like what the fuck else do you want her to say. Seriously read before you speak because no where in the entire article is she shaming skinny women.

      • 007femaleagent

        I read the article till the last fucking period, thank you very much. And the whole point was lost to me when she included the dumb section titled: A MEN LOVES A REAL WOMAN. Where she goes on and on at how all these “perfect” skinny women who apparently BOMBARD you while they’re on the runway. Yes, I’ve read this article, if you can call it that. But the moment I read that she makes slender women look less appealing because they are not “REAL”, I cannot agree with that. EVERY WOMAN IS REAL.
        I agree that when a man sees a woman’s body, he sees it through a different perspective. But that’s kind of obvious, isn’t it?
        What I don’t agree with is making slender women look “fake” or “perfect”. No one is perfect, not even those “REAL” woman she wrote about.
        So take it or leave it, I honestly don’t give a flying fuck. It’s my opinion.

        • Alicia E.J.

          What?!? She never suggested that slender women were not real women, and you need to calm the fuck down you’re getting defensive for no reason. I’m only suggesting that you maybe read it wrong. But whatever you’re entitled to your opinion so if thats what you think then thats what you think.

        • Azayki

          The author meant photoshopped women in magazines. Those women, while they are indeed real people, do not REALLY look like that. I agree, it could have been stated differently.

          • girlwithadragonflytattoo Blog

            I’m sure the author probably did mean the photoshopped fakeness, but I and many others have seen this before too many times with all the “fat acceptance” movement going on, a real critical and shaming of the skinny woman. Its very pervasive in our society now… that to be a real woman, one must not look too “perfect.”
            Its probably based on jealousy issues of women who want a perfect body but don’t want to do the work to get it, but no matter what its based on, the feeling is still there.
            I’m in the same generation as 007femaleagent, I’m 28 this month & this is a real problem… If you don’t think we have a genuine concern, maybe you should read my article on “Does Society Expect Women to Apologize for Being Fit and Healthy?”
            There is a lot of women who feel this way, our bodies are somehow not real because they look so damn good to men when we’re wearing a bikini (or just plain naked), but then a woman who’s overweight wears a fatkini and she’s praised by other women for being bold and empowered (because she’s fat?).

          • 007femaleagent

            The whole point is that there’s no need to shame anyone.

          • Linda Johnson Cunningham

            You really do need to reread the article, I did after I read all the discussion about it. And all she was saying was that men will look at other women in magazines and online. Maybe even stare and fantasize about one on a billboard, but he knows they are out of reach and would rather have the real woman beside him.

          • 007femaleagent

            Right. Now let me ask you this, those women on the runway, are they REAL? Or is it an android walking down the catwalk?

            My whole point is, which many of you seem to missing, is that all women are real. The ones on TV, Internet, billboards, runway, kitchen, walking down the street, giving birth, running a marathon or whatever… they’re all real.

            Body shape or wight have no effect on that fact.

          • Jez11

            They may as well be an android.. considering an android probably eats more than the average model. Its unrealistic, this is not how a normal person eats. Anorexia and manorexia is massive in the catwalk world. (including celebrity, tv (the people on the bilboards).. Its a life forced on people trying to break through into that world. This is very different from a normal person just being normal and healthy. All those starved, emaciated women… are just that.. starved and emaciated.

          • 007femaleagent

            Let me enlighten you then. The women in my family, me included, are very slender. We don’t starve ourselves. We have a high metabolism. No matter how much junk food I eat, I can’t gain weight. Which often caused bullying while I was at school. The girls would spread rumors that I’m anorexic, bulimic and what not. When in reality I could eat more than them.
            I agree that many models have eating disorders, but not all slender women are anorexic or starve themselves.
            I never fat shame or pass judgment. I wish other people would do the same.

          • Billy Howell

            You’re shaming people for shaming skinny girls by saying things like “the fact that they LOOK BETTER than most overweight American Women,” which is shaming fat girls. Do you listen to yourself? I’ve seen women of all types look beautiful and ugly. Most I see on runways aren’t my cup of tea. I don’t personally like seeing every inch of her hip bones, thigh gap, ribs, clavicle, etc. I also don’t like the makeup that looks like it was applied by Dutch Boy. I’m sure plenty of men do though, and I don’t see a problem with that. To each their own, and she has every right to make herself look that way if she wants. Point is that if you are going to go off on everybody that takes part in shaming skinny women, you might need to look are your own message where you are doing the same against bigger women that men will prefer or not over the skinny women depending on their personal taste.

          • Gisselle Eliana Tirsé

            thats great that you like and dont’ like whatever you want, its your opinion and you’re entitled to it but she does have a point. the entire self-love and fat acceptance movement has attracted a lot of over weight people that automatically shame and hate for skinny women or women that are/look like models because they assume that they are fake and not being healthy. which is really hypocritical and actually quite annoying when overweight people (aka unhealthy people) are making fun of every skinny girl because she is unhealthy…

          • Jez11

            Wow.. you have some anger issues against larger women. Maybe you should eat something!!!

        • YourOpinionSucks

          And your opinion would be wrong, because she never stated in the article that Slender/skinny women are fake, she didn’t say any women is fake. What she did say was to stay away from the fake woman look that society, the government has implanted onto every women’s brain, as this is why most women are so fast to judge anything about themselves. I honestly laughed at your opinion, as it is the most retarded opinion ever. You tried to argue about something that wasn’t in the article, that’s funny. You can reply to this is you want, I’m not gonna check it, but I hope you will stop creating assumptions about something that is towards a good thing, trying to brighten the eyes of women and make them so not insecure about their bodies. But I can see you stand for that “You need to be slender to be beautiful.” And that’s what this articles main point was getting at, that most guys will not care about your what you’d like to call “Deformities.” So please, before you start trying to bash an article, or start an argument, please try to comprehend what is trying to be said, because thus far I honestly think you’re 15 years old.

          • 007femaleagent

            Thanks for the essay. Just to clear something up, I’m 26 and a mother of two. You obviously lack the basic capacity of understanding what you read, hence your reaction to my comment.
            Have a nice life.

          • YourOpinionSucks

            Than you got A LOT of growing up to do. I fear for your lil’ ones.

          • girlwithadragonflytattoo Blog

            Its IMPLIED that slender or skinny models are fake… I totally get what 007femaleagent is talking about, because I also cringe when I see things like this – celebrating “real women” (aka fat women or women with more “curves”) while they criticize and dehumanize runway models and celebrities for merely the fact that they LOOK BETTER than most overweight American women.
            That’s just the ugly truth.

          • 007femaleagent

            Thank you! Finally someone gets what I was trying to say.

          • Jez11

            Slender models are fake .. their lifestyle is not normal (I use to walk catwalk so I know what I’m talking about).. their lifestyle is unrealistic to a normal women (note I’m not mentioning size).. but rather a woman who doesn’t have to starve herself or spend her life in a bathroom with a toothbrush down her throat. The average lady is larger than a size 0… so whilst the size 0 is thrown at society by every means of advertising…… the article is saying that most men actually don’t like eating chicken bones.. and prefer abit of rump steak. I personally think that most overweight women looks 700% better than the stick insects forced at us… and I’m glad my husband does too. I also know my kids love my body, including the tiger stripes I have from carrying them. Life is too short to worry about how many calories are in an apple. I would rather spend that time enjoying my husband!

          • Kelli Kickham

            I’m a full time model and I disagree.
            Where did you “walk catwalk” (who the hell says it like that anyway?) and for how long? How many agencies were you with and what year was this?
            There are a lot of negative things about the industry, and one of those is forcing women into a mold they don’t fit. That doesn’t, however, mean that there aren’t women who naturally fit the mold and are beautiful. It’s also something to be said that modeling is broadening a lot and while I split my time between commercial and editorial modeling at size 2, I have friends making a great living at size 6-8 and am acquainted with some very successful 10-14s.
            This article is speaking against the EXACT disgusting, hateful comments you are making right now. There is nothing wrong with being skinny, or having boobs that aren’t big enough (this article says that, if you read it), and chances are the guy you’re with is attracted to you and doesn’t have a problem with any of it.
            I will say, what you see on TV and billboards is not reality. Sure, that girl may wake up thin and aesthetically pleasing, but when I see myself in ads or on a billboard– yes, sometimes made more thin– that’s not me.
            Because it’s an EFFING PICTURE. And I am a real, breathing, thinking woman. This article isn’t insulting the girls on the runway or even the girls in porn; it’s saying that they are images and not real and there, but the girl they are with, the girl they CHOSE, is sitting next to them in all of her real, breathing, thinking glory.

    • Jessica Hulsey

      Did you even read the article????

      • 007femaleagent

        Obviously, I did and if you missed that last section–which is the only part i have a problem with–you need an eye exam.

        • Jenna Ridenhour

          Clearly, I read the article and they’re not bashing ANY body type. It’s simply saying not to compare yourself to an ideology of what is “perfect” and to accept your own imperfections as being beautiful. To celebrate your own beauty and not to focus on those flawed parts. I’m a thin, attractive, lively, extremely intellectual woman and I have my doubts about my own body. I did not, in any way shape or form get offended by this article. Seems like instead of Jessica needing an eye exam, you might want to take a lesson in humility. Be humble. And learn how to objectively read an article, instead of feeling this is a personal attack on your body type.

      • 007femaleagent

        Obviously I did. You must have missed that last paragraph of the article, which is the only part I have a problem with.

    • lifemaidsimple1

      Wow u got that out of the article having problems with reading comprehension?

    • Billy Howell

      She literally meant real as opposed to fake (e.g. air-brushed person on magazines, figments of imagination based on some societal-approval-stamped list).

  • Ghosthack

    why do all these articles start off any conversation with some variation of “well, of course men are going to say breasts and butts… those sex-addled cave creatures that they are….. but if you corner them and force them to use that lump of goo they call a brain….”

    …. i mean…. really?

    saying things like: “it’s really hard for him to move past the standard T&A answer you’d probably get from any man. You can almost see a physical effort as he drags his sex-craving brain past the chest, past the butt, and FINALLY he’ll tell you something like…”
    Isn’t funny.
    It’s sexist, and perpetuates a notion that men lack agency in matters of sex, that they are controlled by some genetic short-circuit that prevents them from thinking or acting like rational beings when women are present to oogle at. it coddles the same perceptions that allow people to blame victims of sexual violence…. “Men can’t help themselves.”

    Straight dope: as far as VISUAL attraction goes, guys see silhouette, then facial features (including expression/disposition), and then, LASTLY, the “details” (be they “heh.. boobies”, or your chipped tooth, they’re never higher than 3rd on the list of physical features of visual attraction)

    ADVERTISERS care about breast size, crows feet, “back fat”…..
    Advertisers tell you that details matter, because there are a LOT of details. details are something to fixate on and tear your self esteem down to the point that you need validation, and crave “solutions” to your “problem areas”.
    ….and create a market for products that could fix those problems.

    if you’ve got a relatively proportional silhouette (notice I don’t say “skinny” or ” curvy” or any other more detail-oriented terminology), and an attractive face (friendly/cheerful/sly EXPRESSIONS are often far more important than physical features, (facial features, good or bad, generally just become, like that “chipped tooth”, endearing qualities))…. I would argue that nothing much else matters.

    plenty of generally thought of as “ugly” folks have no problem at all finding love, sexual fulfillment, and happiness with partners….. because, deep down, physical features don’t really matter all that much. An inviting expression and a genetically “normal” silhouette, will win out over some asinine, nitpicky physical quality, every-single-time.

    • CosmicThought

      Well said. Thank you.

  • Louisiana girl

    There are a lot of us that are completely disgusted with how we look and don’t want to be touched.. The fat and flab and millions of stretch marks are not attractive.. it is disgusting. . Women who post pictures of themselves like this not covered up need to be ashamed of themselves.. I cover myself up because I know that no one wants to see this mess and I’m a size 8.. maybe 10 on some jeans.. If I knew I was pregnant with my first kid, I would have went to the gym and took care of myself so I didn’t get fat.. Unfortunately I found out too late.. My second baby I knew about so I only gained 5 lbs in the last 2 weeks.. sad part is my body was already seriously wrecked by the first one.. All the fat I couldn’t lose and the stretchmarks are disgusting. .

    • CCequ

      If this is a real comment, then you are in serious need of counselling. Gaining 5 pounds during a pregnancy is not only unhealthy, but dangerous. And if you are a size 8, then you are thin and not at all “disgusting”. I feel like this was a trolling comment. But if it is real and you really feel this way, then you need real help for your body dismorphia.

  • Lately I’ve been seeing a quote passing around on the internet “You’re so used to your own features you don’t know how beautiful you are to a stranger.” I think the message of that quote extends to this article. This article is not about giving anyone a pass to let themselves go, but instead not heavily scrutinize themselves. It’s like when you’re a teenager and you have a pimple and you wake up and you notice it’s there and you’re so conscious of it the whole day that you’re just SURE that everyone’s looking at you, looking at it, and yet a good amount of people you interact with will only notice it because you point it out.

    It’s important for people to learn to love and be happy with the body they have. That doesn’t mean you have to be satisfied with everything. You can make changes if you’re not satisfied with your body, but none of those changes are coming in the blink of an eye, or overnight, so why be miserable until those results come. It’s often that misery that derails progress toward those results.

  • Jake

    I’m not sure I agree with this article. I will say this, if a man meets a woman and falls for her as she is at that moment flaws and all, then he is obviously attracted to the whole woman and is able to see past whatever flaws there might be. This does not let men or women off the hook over the course of a long relationship. You still need to take of yourself, keep the extra weight off, live healthy, look nice, keep clean, dress up every now and then, dress sexy every now and then. Just because your man (or woman) fell for you five or tens years ago when you looked a certain way does not give you permission to let yourself go. Just because you were a little chubby when you met does not mean you can add more weight to that chub. That back fat is not attractive. That ear hair is not ok to let go. Looks and physical attraction are very important aspects of any relationship. Intimacy is a necessity of a long lasting relationship and intimacy hinges largely (though not entirely) on physical attraction. The point is your partner can still love you but no longer be attracted to you. It is up to you as a good partner to take of yourself and continue to present an attractive appearance based on whatever your partner finds attractive.

    • Thank you Jake for saying what I was thinking!! This was put much more kindly and with more precision than I could muster at the time of writing my point. This article makes it seem like that “love at for sight” fairy tale story is going to go on forever without any upkeep. Yes, you still need to take care of yourself, try to look your best, do more and keep improving on yourself. You just don’t “win” a man or woman’s affection like a prize and keep it for life without effort. That’s not just an opinion, it’s a fact that in time you grow and change. Each person needs to grow through a process of self betterment for the other. Otherwise old age, time, along with others who are single and improving themselves, will pull down your attention factor.

    • Sarah Burk

      I totally agree! I had a guy friend once say that weight shouldn’t matter in a relationship. I agreed, to an extent. I got a little heat because I stated that if I honestly loved someone, then yes, their weight would bother me. I didn’t mean a couple of pounds, or a slightly saggy frame. What I meant is that I couldn’t sit back and watch someone I love hurt themselves. A lot of people seem to think in extremes: either they hate themselves and can’t fathom anyone finding them attractive until they change (whatever) or they insist that no one should have a problem with how they look. I think that you shouldn’t obsess over how you look, but at the same time strive to remain attractive to yourself and to the person you’ve decided to be with.

    • Christine Lyon

      I have to both agree and disagree. I have gained 30 lbs since I met my husband, 13 years ago. I went from a size 4 to a size 10 (with my frame, it’s generally 1 size for every 10 lbs, so 6,8,10). But my husband is much more grabby and excited to get physical NOW than he was when we first got married. Honestly, most of it is T&A, as I went from a B cup to a DDD cup, so maybe that’s why. But the point is, yes, physical attraction is important. But I think it’s more important to dress in appropriately fitting clothes and have good grooming (i.e., shaving, styling hair, makeup, etc) than to keep a constant weight. I don’t do the whole yoga pants all day thing, or not wash my hair for 3 days or something. I style my hair every day (even if it is just in a sleek ponytail), where a touch of makeup, jewelry, and clothes that fit my body. I tell him I try to make myself look good just for HIM. I think he appreciates the effort I put into it, even if I’m not skin and bones anymore.

  • Lisa

    This was a great article and super true! Very helpful even for those with confidence but insecurities behind closed doors!

  • That was an amazing woman; she took a hit from that guy but kept on going. Still. Talk about painful, huh?

  • Jonathan

    I usually end up disagreeing with articles where women write about how men view certain things. Not the case here. This is 100% on point. Women, relax…It’s fine (As long as you’re taking decent care of yourself).

  • Bermon Norwood

    I totally agree.. I love my girlfriend to death, she has psoriasis.. After knowing each other for a year she asked why I have never mentioned it and I told her its because I don’t care about it.. I think she’s beautiful from head to toe and I wouldn’t change a thing. After I read this, I sent it to her because I felt it explained better than I ever could. She looks in the mirror and sees scars and irritated skin and I rarely even notice it. She’s beautiful in my eyes, flaws and all and I just want her to see herself with the same adoring eyes that I see her with every time I look at her

    • MBSherman

      THANK YOU Bermon for explaining the real point of the article from a male perspective. So many here are so full of themselves and their own sensitive feelings, that they totally missed it. It’s about having confidence in yourself, and understanding that those that truly love us don’t care as much as we sometimes think they do…It goes without saying that it doesn’t mean that anyone should ignore taking care of themselves “reasonably”, BUT it’s also a reminder that what SOCIETY often portrays as acceptable and normal is not something we need to allow to kill our joy, and the level of intimacy we have with our significant others. This article is only for people who are not caught up in their own ideals of beauty and perfection, but only of the love they have of self, and the love another has for them..Anyone who dares to imply that “perfect” is anything else totally missed the boat on this one…and people who are skinny have the same issues sometimes when it comes to flaws that may not be noticed by others. The “skinny runway” example was only used to symbolize the ideals of society, NOT to imply they are not also REAL…..PLUS she talked about a lot more than simply body size. Everything is not for everybody, so perhaps if women totally missed the point, this article was not FOR them!!

  • Brad Kirk

    This is a piece of feminist crap. Not all men are like YOU. YOU see men that way, because that is what you do. Like the cheating man who wants all his girlfriend/wife’s facebook passwords. I’ll have you know, I have been in love with a girl named Dakotah Schmidt for over ten years. We were best friends. Then she started seeing this guy named AJ. They did alot of meth. She stopped and never became one of those posters.

    Now, she is married to a rich man for his money, she told me. I still love her. I don’t look at women as more than friends. I’m not gay. Just remember, some of us truly fall in love, and are not dogs and pigs like the rest of you.

    Do you know what it is like being the last decent person in a land of monsters? If you have sex with someone, and do not love them, you are trash, both genders. It’s not nice to say this feminist garbage. You assume all men and women are the whores society has created. Go burn your bras, leave love to real humans. A man and woman are supposed to fall in love. The way you and men like you see the world is not the right way.

    You deviants are ruining the world with garbage like this article. You make it seem okay to be a lesser man, as

    Friedrich Nietzsche might say in passing. He was wrong, there are no supermen, there are humans, and whatever amoral monsters that this disgusting wasteland of morality has brought upon us.

    Real men fall in love with women, not her ass.

    • Mara

      I can’t tell if you are kidding or not.

    • ReaperXIII Sori

      I don’t think you actually read the article, because none of that was even brought up

    • Rebecca Puckett

      I personally believe that a lot of people make comments based off of based and circumstantial happenings. . But, Brad Kirk, even though you do make a point, I also have to disagree slightly. You made a comment about how there are only humans and the whores society has turned people into but, is it not human nature to be naturally and biologically attracted to the sexual organs, if you will, of the opposite sex and same sex in more often than not occasions? I feel as if this article was just ment to empower females to feel less self conscious about insignificant things about themselves, not accept and expect men to be okay with poor hygiene and life choices simply because of sex and a nice rack. Although I see your point about the humn race and I agree, but I believe the level of understanding may have been biased and tilted in your comment.. It’s truly not fare to be angry with her article when this was obviously written toward female audiences but its not like she put men down, she was actually praising the male hormones of attraction. Either way, I hope I don’t offend but science will prove and has proved that men and woman look at particular parts of the body upon meeting a potential partner.. I’m sorry but I don’t believe this should be labled as feminist just because she points that out in a way to help her article..

      • Kara

        Guys look at woman differently then woman look at themselves thats the way it has always been. Men are simple creatures unlike woman who look at everything emotionally per say. Its not to make woman feel better about themselves, its the truth.

    • Lady Jennifer

      what does your little story have to do with this article?

  • Jim Grim

    Not every man is a love stuck idiot. Fat, sweaty, smelly, unkept, flabby women are noticed just as much as hot, sexy, great smelling, skinny, perfect feet women. We just aren’t attracted to them for their looks or relations with then. It’s to point out as a out of place anomaly. Like 1 peanut in a bowl of M&Ms. The woman who wrote this is just as mindlessly blinded by love as the man she’s talking about doing this action. That’s NOT the action of EVERY man.

    {“If you asked my man which of my physical attributes attracted him, it’s really hard for him to move past the standard T&A answer you’d probably get from any man. You can almost see a physical effort as he drags his sex-craving brain past the chest, past the butt, and FINALLY he’ll tell you something like,

    ‘She has gorgeous shoulders…’

    I bet he didn’t even know I had scars on my feet for the first 10 years we were married.”}

    The last sentence is a woman who is oblivious to the fact that she is a mindless, faceless, sex partner and trying desperately to grasp for anything to ignore that fact. If she wasn’t an idiot, she’d notice that if he hasn’t noticed scars on her feet for 10 years, ANYONE reasonable would suggest he isn’t paying close attention to you. If he only sees chest, ass, butt, then he’s seeing you as a faceless sex toy, NOT something special!

    “#1 They see what makes you WOMANLY”
    But that doesn’t make them blind to the equally seen flaws. Trying to convince yourself of this authors error makes you as blind to the truth as her. As a human animal, we are chemically conditioned to look for a mating partner. As a secondary condition of this, we are to look for the genetically superior and unflawed.

    “#2 They see what makes you UNIQUE”
    Yes, they see it but that doesn’t mean they automatically care for it! A turd rolled in sprinkles is still a turd, but gets more attention because it’s a freakish thing, not a well accepted and wanted thing.

    “#3 They see what you constantly draw their attention to”
    BUT they aren’t suddenly blind men to the things you don’t draw attention too! If you paint your face blue, but wear no clothes, then say, “See! Look at my face!” The man isn’t going to ignore the fact that your naked.

    This entire article is reality from someone who believes in the concept of “Ignorance is bliss” but forgets that just because you stick your head in the sand, it doesn’t disappear and go away.

    • Melissa Nicholson

      I’m guessing you have never had a real relationship in your life. And what are you like 12? Your profile picture is a Dragon Ball Z character, so sorry, but anything you say cannot be taken seriously. My husband still likes DBZ but he doesn’t make it his profile pic like a child lol

      • My icon is used for more than just this website, I’m 43, have been through my own serious relationships and was married to a chunky woman for 17 years before we decided to go separate ways mutually. I have been through the raising of 7 children, of which the oldest is now 25. Instead of judging someone by their icon, maybe you should read the contents of my books, Melissa Nickolson. Because you didn’t have a valid argument with what I said, so you bashed my (now 15 year old graphic novel reviewer) icon. Just because I didn’t blindly log in using my Facebook ID and profile picture, doesn’t mean my words are any less valid.

    • mara

      But some men are love sick idiots. Why did you take the time to dismantle this article, which main idea is to get women to love their bodies and be comfortable? Not saying that you need a man to love you for you to be comfortable with yourself, but why are you making men out to be something that you have to either accept or stick your head in the sand to? Not all men are like you or the people you’ve met. And you can’t say that because you haven’t met all men, nature aside your argument is kind of invalid because its all opinions.

  • sf_ken


    You two should talk, so a poor guy can know what to do! BTW I posted your article on her comment board too.

  • Curtis Ruuska

    hmmm, maybe Im weird but to me the very first thing I look at is the face, it might not be for long lol, but definately the face, then to the hips

  • @SarcasticSloth

    No man on earth ever noticed a thigh gap before a woman pointed it out to him.

    • Jim Grim

      “No man on earth ever noticed a thigh gap before a woman pointed it out to him.” Bullshit you weirdo! As a man and boy, you notice a “thigh gap” in preschool. It’s nature, because the girls have nothing and boys don’t. This entire article is out of touch with reality!

      • Melissa Nicholson

        Well, it’s kind of hard for you to comment on that when you’re clearly not a man 😉 Look at the other replies from real men, kid and take a lesson.

        • Lady, your one sad piece of sheltered idiocy, all wrapped in ignorance. You have nothing but insults, that pay no measure of bearing on the comments that your trying argue a point for. Just go back to being silently crazy in your small Bartlesville, OK. home with your 3 kids and bushy husband. No ones noticing you in your small town, so you need to poke a few bears online and cry “woah is me!” It just strikes me that for your chasing me around and making bashing comments towards me, you haven’t addressed the shear logic in the fact that what I said is true.

          • Rebecca Puckett

            Okay you’re right that she has no real logic to back up her thoughts, but your being an asshole, hypocrite. You over thought this article that was just ment to make females have more courage about their bodies with their partner. You try to rip all the females on here a new one by trying to belittle us and make us out to be stupid or ignorant, basically provoking a female predominant website. I’m, sorry but I am sure you are smart enough to know that you are bullying us. We are smart enough to know that men will notice if we aren’t taking care of our bodies, if we have bad b.o., edc. When the auther is talking about how men dont notice flaws, I promise you, we aren’t stupid enough to think that men dont. This article was written to impower women about their bodies and partner relationships with some small obvious exaggeration, I doubt that makes her a mindless sex toy. So get off your high horse with nit picking, over thought comments and unnecessary aggression . Fucking troll.

          • Sydney Medeiros

            Jim you’re an idiot. The article wasn’t referring to men finding big smelly sweaty fat women attractive. It was about men looking past the little insecurities that every woman has and not expecting them to be as perfect as the magazines(because that’s not reality). There also are things that men find sexy on women that we don’t even realize. And those are the things they focus on when we are too busy focusing on flaws. Its also about learning to appreciate and enjoy your mans admiration instead of always feeling like you don’t deserve it and making him feel unwanted.

      • @SarcasticSloth

        Um Jim… the thigh gap isn’t the vagina.

  • Jota R. Sousa

    Keep waiting for your reply

  • Todd Johnson

    I love my wife. I love her body, every inch of it. She hates it and doesn’t understand why I love it so much. I love it because it comes with her brain, her personality, her humor, which isn’t much, her loving nature and because she is the sexiest thing on planet earth. Of course that is my opinion, but I can look at her for hours, with her clothes off or with them on. Either way she is a very beautiful sexy woman. I love her entire body, not just certain spots. When she gets naked and lays down on the bed, face down, I look at her across the room and the way her back curves up to her butt, whew, drives me crazy. I love to give her head to toe massages. I even suck her toes while massaging her feet because she has sexy toes. There is not a spot on my beautiful, sexy wife’s body that I don’t like, or that turns me off. I could look and just touch and rub her for days. I don’t understand why women feel that there is something wrong with their bodies. Every woman does. Us men, we don’t see you, the way you see you. I keep telling my wife, I wish you could see you, the way I see you. But if she could, she wouldn’t be able to keep her hands off of herself, because when I’m around her I find it very difficult to keep my hand off her. She calls me annoying, but I call me crazy in love with her, and her body.

    • MBSherman

      Great comment from another man who totally “GOT” the point of the article. “LOVE IT”!!

  • Jesse

    Another man totally agreeing with the author. First thing we men are attracted to is “T & A” (actually A & T for a lot of us). First thing we think about is “P” and I don’t mean personality, that’s abouth 8th, after “F” for face, “B” for body, then “T & A” once again. With that said, the fact that we are together means you passed the first 7…so, just don’t be or become a bitch, especially an obese one! In most of our opinions that is accomplished by simply being happy, motivated, believing us when we compliment your body (cause u should b glad we made a compliment out loud at all), and at last feed our egos too every once in a while (even if you do have to lie)

    • MiddleFinger

      Dude, even your right hand shouldn’t be dating you. Puke!

  • Jim Wintergreen

    I’m not looking at your ass – there’s no reason to. I might be looking at your breasts, but only for a moment. I might be looking at your whole body – but only for a couple of moments. Because, if you open your mouth and stupidity comes out, no matter what you look like, you just became ugly to me. Say something smart, and you’ll start looking better and better. I

  • Vanessa David

    Okay, seriously, about the blurred out nipples. If you scroll to the bottom of the page there are numerous paintings showing women’s nipples. Let’s take ownership of our bodies by showing them as they are. Please.

    • Laurie Neufeld

      I saw a documentary about a FtM reassignment operation, and all during the surgery, while “she” was still technically female, the nipples were pixellated out, but as soon as the fat and breast tissue had been removed, and they were no longer “breasts” then “his” nipples were acceptable viewing. I laughed so hard at such stupidity.

  • Althea Armada

    I GREATLY dislike the fact that this article still supports the “men see t and a first and foremost”. While that might give you the “phew! I have those, I’m all good!”, it sends the message that you shouldn’t be feeling self conscious because every man wants to fuck every woman for her nice t and a, and you shouldn’t get your value from that!! This whole article is about YOUR BODY BEING VALIDATED THROUGH THE EYES OF MEN BECAUSE IT’S LIKE YOURS ARENT GOOD ENOUGH TO SEE YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL. there needs to be less “dont worry, men still love you!” Articles and more “dont worry about men, they dont need to love you for you to love youself!”

    • Rob Dahling

      I agree with your ultimate point, but not the anger associated with your overall statement.

      The article isn’t necessarily targeting the holistic woman’s self-worth/self-valuation issue that you seem to think it should (and as such, I highly recommend that you write an article on this yourself), but a critical issue in male-female relationships, in which women become increasingly self-destructive in their self-view and self-worth and thus require constant “petting” by their male (or, really, female) counterpart (which they in turn refuse to believe).

      What you need to understand here Althea is that there are a lot of women who unintentionally (or maybe it is intentional) sabotage their relationships through their overwhelmingly self-critical estimation of themselves, their constant self-directed negative evaluations in the face of repeated positive reinforcement by the men (or women) they are with. There is nothing harder, as a man, than to compliment a woman and have her essentially call you a liar because somehow your perspective is biased, while hers is entirely objective (which is, pardon my language, utter bullshit). However, we as men (and again, I’m sure women too) get tired of constantly fighting undeserved (at least from our point) negative self-image, or, more essentially, being called liars because we think the woman we are with is beautiful.

      That said, you may also want to learn something about biological anthropology – try as we might, men are visual creatures who notice reproductive potential first and foremost (T&A) and go from there. It’s been hard-wired into us, and anyone who tells you differently is full of crap. I suggest you learn to deal with it – it’s a simple fact of life. That said, there are men among us who try to move beyond physical properties/characteristics to something a little deeper, but don’t crucify us for thousands of years of evolution. We don’t deserve it, anymore than we deserve to be called liars because we think your webbed-toes are cute.

      • elby

        This article is very much about the holistic woman’s self-worth/self-evaluation issue. That critical issue in m-f relationships in which women become self-destructive and require validation from their male partner comes from society’s sexualization of women in the media.

        Women are bombarded with images of what it means to be sexy and judge themselves according to these images. Not only still images but also female characters in tv and film are made to be “sexy” because they are created by men and for men. Furthermore, a woman (for example: Hillary Clinton or Michelle Obama) is more likely than a man to be criticized for the way she looks (her hair, makeup, style of dress, etc.) than her intelligence or her political acumen.

        Women are gendered from a young age to pay attention to how they look and to meet a certain standard. Young girls are taught to wear a dress and behave a certain way according to that piece of clothing. Meanwhile boys are free to play and roughhouse without care of the restraint of their clothes.

        Many of the men commenting on this thread agree with the article’s author. They are not liars for agreeing that they don’t see the same faults in a woman’s body that she herself sees. However, women call them liars because there is a disparity between what individual men say and what the media images of women which are created by men say.

        • Rob Dahling

          I respectfully disagree about the holistic component. To me, this is one aspect of women’s self-worth, and as it is a discussion about an externalized component and not actually telling women to love themselves (though you may see this as implied) so much as saying “When a man says he loves something in you, he loves it, accept it, stop calling him a liar.”

          As for the “women are bombarded with images of what it meas to be sexy…” so are men, but we tend to ignore this fact. Look at fairy tales or Disney films – feminists are often hyper-critical of the portrayal of women, but few balk at the way men are portrayed. In fact, when I teach Feminist Literary theory, I often shift into Gender/Queer theory and have students consider that men are equally bombarded with concepts of masculinity. As for your comments on political women – as Neil Postman is wont to point out, there is no way that former president Taft would ever get elected in America in the age of TV – tell me, who was the last FAT president you SAW elected?

          So Elby, while I understand your position, you have forgotten that men are gendered from a young age too – gendered in how to behave, how to respond to others, how to treat others, how to look … sound familiar? Oh yes, same sort of thing that women go through. Seems like once again it’s the human condition, so please don’t tell me women have it different than men. We are a species of sly judgment – men judge women, women judge other women, and vice versa (women judge men and men judge other men). I’m not saying that one sex has it better or worse than the other – individuals respond to it in different ways.

          But coming back to my main point – the article isn’t about women loving themselves and their flaws – the article is about accepting that men will see you differently (and believe me, as a man I can say that I’m bombarded with those same images of beauty as women are, but if I can see past them, then why can’t my SO?).

          • elby

            Of course men are gendered from a young age as well, but they are gendered in a way that is less confining. Boys are allowed to sit sloppily and be rowdy and loud. Girls should be more controlled in their behavior. Even sitting or standing in ways that take up more space increases testosterone and decreases cortisol levels, leading to feeling more powerful and capable. As young girls are taught to sit quietly they are effectively taught to shrink back, and sitting in ways that take up minimal space has the opposite effect of sitting large as testosterone decreases and cortisol increases.

            In addition, slang that kids learn like “having the balls” to do something or being “a pussy” are gendered with the male term being positive and the female negative. And what about the insult “you ___ like a girl”? The blank is typically a sporty activity, and athletic capability is strength and power. The ultimate meaning of the insult is that acting like a girl is weak and something to be ashamed of.

            If the article questions why women can’t see past their flaws because their male partners can, it in a way blames women for having a negative perception of themselves. Why do women have a negative perception of themselves? Surely they weren’t born that way…

        • Doppleganger11

          Actually, the “media” image is largely created by females. The ridiculous comments and criticisms that I’ve read in the media regarding their looks are typically from articles directed to women readers, written, largely, by women. Why is this? Because men just do not care about the petty details. Furthermore, since when was gender a verb?

    • m_A

      While I understand your point Althea Armada, I’m afraid the focus of the article isn’t about women in general finding their self-worth and validation through acceptance by men in general. The author is telling women that their men love and accept them with those physical features that they (the women) might find flawed, that they believe make them unattractive. She’s telling women to understand that their men don’t see those physical “flaws” as flaws, because men and women see differently. And she is correct! Nowhere does she suggest that women should find validation for their bodies from men because women’s eyes or perspective isn’t good enough.

    • Keisha

      I don’t see where this article is misleading. It is quite accurate and by no means suggests that you have to have these extravagant assets in order to have a man go ‘googoo’ for you. Men are attracted to whats naturally you or what should have been naturally you, Sometimes men have no way of knowing whats real and what isnt real on a woman just by looks alone.

  • RDPS

    Finally a woman that “gets us”.

  • Quinn Alexander Kai Johnson

    Exactly! Thank you for such an accurate insight into a man’s mind. I dated a girl with dimples on her lower back; to me they were the sexiest things I had ever seen, to her they were embarrassing. If a guy you’re intimate with says he likes something, he likes it. The way you pinch your nose when you smile, the way snort you have when you laugh, the birth mark on your hip; its the little things that really drive guys crazy (after t&a of course). Its insulting to call us liars or pretend we’re just being nice about the things we honestly find beautiful…

  • Amber Bridges

    My husband has absolutely ZERO desire for me. Which makes me hate my body even more so. Which I didn’t think was possible.

    • miriammarcus

      why are you still with him? Lol

      • icedearthaholic

        Pretty much this. Gonna add a little something, Amber, maybe it’s time you consider leaving him, he might be laying pipe with another woman for all we know.

        • miriammarcus

          Oh, he is!

          • icedearthaholic

            Yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised at all. Saddening, for me? If a woman was willing to do my one odd fantasy for me, and also took care of me? I’d be good to go.

  • Holly Redmond

    How are you going to write about coming to love your body- and then BLUR THE NIPPLES on this painting?!

    • Sam

      Because it probably wouldn’t be allowed to be shared without over 18 warnings or something, if they didn’t?

  • robbin_g

    Except for that guy who grabbed my belly when we were spooning and said, “this could be your third tit!” We weren’t together much longer after that.

    • Ugh. Good for you for breaking up with that dude. Sorry that it happened that way, though. 🙁

  • Christopher Porozny

    what fucking idiot thought to blur the nipples on this pic?

    • dear @christopherporozny:disqus , we have to blur the nipples since otherwise we get banned from social networks and you wouldn’t be able to share this article. much love, adina

      • JesMc

        It’s absurd we can’t show ladynips on social media. Loved this article, thank you.

        • Jason W

          Absurd? Your country had a class 5 meltdown when a tit with a nipple covering was exposed during Super Bowl!!! I will never understand America’s acceptance of guns/violence vs attitudes towards sex/nudity.
          From a man’s perspective this article nailed it exactly.

  • Rob Dahling

    As a man – I agree completely. Yes, we are hardwired for reproductive assessment (T&A), and we are bombarded with idealized notions of beauty, but once we find someone we want to be with, their body flaws don’t matter (unless they have tentacles coming out of places that tentacles don’t normally come out of … of course, that kinda turns me on so…) to us nearly as much to the women.

    But more importantly, MEN ARE THE EXACT SAME WAY. We see ourselves as flawed (thanks to the same notions of male beauty that we are bombarded with). We are now taught to be hairless monkeys, but not too long ago a hairy chest and thick bushy moustache (Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck come to mind) were the epitome of masculinity. We are conflicted by who we are and who we think women want us to be (keep in mind, it is what we think women want, not necessarily what they want).

    Ultimately (and yes, this sounds trite), we’re human, and we share the same intrinsic psychology. So just as much as you like being reassured that you’re beautiful, so does your man. Men can be just as much a bundle of insecure as women can be.

    • Well said, Rob, and a good reminder that women not only need to build our own self-esteem, but understand that our men need healthy self-esteem as well. I often think that guys respond well to sincere compliments directed not only toward their physical appearance (and yes we are happily looking at guys’ bodies and thinkin about sex!), but *particularly* toward tasks they’ve accomplished and skills they’ve built… Or at least it seems that way to me.

  • Oso Takano

    This article is 100% correct…the thing is, I’ve been divorced twice, and have had some wonderful relationships that crashed and burned…and a lot of that was that women I was with kept telling me they looked terrible and that I was totally lying to them. It was soul destroying to me, that every woman I was with, insisted I was lying to them, when I was telling them the Gods-honest truth. You can only take so much of that before it is time to give up….

  • Sola

    I agree with most of the article, but not so much some of these comments. Your significant other will most likely love you for who you are, but physical flaws don’t only play a role in attraction or your own seen self-image. It plays a role in your general health. I’m of course talking about the heavy people who admit or claim they’re okay with being very large and overweight. I don’t mean for this to be a fat-shaming post, all I mean for it to be is an alert. You can be comfortable with how you look and concerned for your health at the same time. The appearance of something doesn’t always go right in hand with how beneficial it is to you, so just because you’re “okay” with it, doesn’t make it a healthy thing or choice.

    • Whatdidyousay

      You cannot determine health by weight as much as you would like to, and as much as you claim to. You hoped your comment would not illicit any reaction but I must say, you are wrong. Cancer, Diabetes, High blood pressure, Low blood pressure, High Cholesterol, Elevated Triglycerides, and so on are not a ‘FAT’ persons disease. They do not discriminate. You can be thin, sit your ass on the sofa all day and eat a bunch of crap, yet be considered healthy and taking care of yourself by people like you, based solely on how the person looks. While a fatty is just an unhealthy lazy slob with no concern for what they stuff in their unhealthy pig face? How on earth could that fat person be ok with their body, the one you just know they do not take care of, because well… you know…, they are fat?

      • Emily Michelle

        Totally agree with this chick, I’m chubby as hell 180 5’5 yet vi go to the gym quite often and have gotten to the point where I can run 3 miles in 30 minutes. I also eat pretty healthy. While my best friend is 5’8 probably 120 last I heard, she doesn’t work out and eats whatever the hell she likes. Yet if we stood next to each other everyone would assume she’s healthy because she’s skinny. So to each their own and you can’t judge enless you’re their doctor!

  • Micah DarkFyre

    Goddamnit… She’s a man-whispererer… THANK YOU for saying this…? I tell my loves this all the time: from my wife on down… I cannae’ get enough of them… In the end, to corroborate with your writing, we never see ourselves as others see us, especially those who love us… That’s why our loved ones are our mirrors…

    Thanks again…

    • Wow, a “man-whisperer”! I’m honored. 🙂

  • NunyaDangBisness

    Wow…thanks for giving us menfolk a break in this article and for “getting us”. There’s not a single piece of this I disagree with.

  • Mrs. Gretchen Thornton

    My husband tells me this kind of stuff all the time. When I look at myself, I see baby weight, stretch marks, wrinkles, scars. I couldn’t wrap my brain around how much he loves my body. It’s taken a couple years, but now I actually believe him when he sings my praises. I don’t agree with his opinion, but I learned that je doesn’t want to hear me gripe about my body. He thinks I’m the mosy beautiful woman in the world. I think he is the sexiest man alive. So, we aleargree to let each other enjoy the other ‘veno questions or complaints. He finally got through to me when he told me that it hurts him when I diss my body. He told me that I can’t change the way he sees me. Even though I don’t like my body, I’ve learned to just let him love me. It actually feels good now and my confidence is higher knowing that he doesn’t give a rats ass about my flaws. If he wants to love my curves and dimples, by all means , do it. I’ve never been as comfortable physically with anyone else, even before I had kids and was 60-70 thinner. I wouldn’t trade the

  • TruthHurtsMan

    Holy crap….. are you real. This article was written by a woman but has absolutely captured the thought process of a man!!! Bravo! Women stop complaint about your body. If we love it, believe us and forget about what we look at on TV or magazine etc. If we are hot for you, we are hot for you. The only thing you could do is ruin that with your negativity. We love your imperfections.

  • shari frost

    not true for me….i was heavy when we got married but he said he liked big girls…..like jumping bag of bones with skinny girl he said lol…..but once i put on more weight…..he won’t even look at me or touch me now….i like big girls he say BUT NOT THAT BIG…..oh great…..food addiction…..eating diorders plus depression and anxiety …..what’s a girl to do???

    • This is all subjective. Now he may truly like big girls but that may not truly mean all girls that are big. I like black women but not all black women. I like short women but not all short women. I like white women, strong-willed women, etc, but I don’t like all women that can check that one box.

      Something else besides your size could have possibly changed to make his behavior change. If your weight/size are the only real difference, take a look at yourself. Do you look significantly different now? Like is it enough of a difference to make you still look like yourself yet like a different person at the same time? Some men may really be without limits and would love a woman that would even double/triple in weight. Others have their limits.

      It’s not all uniform either. Every 400 lb woman isn’t going to be equally attractive. There are some absolutely attractive and sexy women at the higher end of the scale, but there are just as many (if not more) that don’t look so hot (to me anyways).

      I’m not trying to fat shame or tell anyone that they aren’t beautiful because of their weight but that men are attracted to women based upon their unique and womanly traits (as this article so wonderfully points out). Those physical attributes change as you increase or decrease in weight. They can sometimes become stronger or weaker, it really depends upon what the man liked. You need to talk to him to figure out what’s going on.

    • sarah

      Overeaters anonymous!

    • Tom

      go outside and stop eating. go on a fast and get right and meditate.

      go help someone besides yourself.
      might sound mean but that’s what you gotta do.

    • Oso Takano

      I’d agree with srkelly on this one…are you SURE it is the WEIGHT that is the problem? or is it other things? and…eating disorders/depression/anxiety. Are you getting it treated? Are you following the directions.
      I mean, my ex-wife used to tell everybody she was on a diet, she wasn’t eating, but she wasn’t losing weight.
      I’d go to work in the morning, there would be a family-size bag of chips in the pantry, and a tub of chip dip in the fridge. I’d come home, and the empty bag of chips would be in the trash, with the empty tub of dip…but she “hadn’t eaten anything all day” This happened so many times, that I just kept buying chips and dip, and blowing off most of what she had to say on the subject. (and no, she was home alone most days. There were no kids in the house.)

    • IchbinVol

      There’s plump, and then there’s Jabba the Hut….. don’t be Jabba.

  • Blue Sphinx

    It never occurred to me that any man could find my extreme obesity sexy, but I have discovered to my delight that many do! It helped me burst out of the conviction that I had to fix my flaws. I used to simultaneously have an inferiority and superiority complex – I thought I was so ugly that no man could love me the way that I am, and if they did, they were freaks themselves and obviously not good enough for me. Crazy, right? Yeah, that was then. I used to listen to what society told me about myself, and now that I no longer do, I am finding men crawling out of the woodwork telling me that I am beautiful – and I know that it’s true! A positive attitude is a fantastic secret weapon!

  • Gregg Barnes

    This article pretty much hit the nail in the head. My ex and I used to argue all the time about her “flaws”. I could never understand the dislike she felt for many of her body parts. I loved her the way she was, and couldnt wait to get home to her everyday.

  • Sara Marie Stafford

    Mine was my body hair. I have PCOS and so have had male pattern hair growth from beard to back, legs ass and chest, ever since puberty. I thought no man could ever love me because they wouldn’t be able to see past the hair. Since even before I was sexually active, I have been shaving my whole entire body several times a year for special events, before going swimming, whenever I had to dress up, etc.

    My man thinks I am the sexiest woman in the city. I love him so much. I still shave my whole body sometimes, but when I do I do it because it makes me feel good about myself, sexy and beautiful, and it is a treat for my love to feel sexy soft and smooth skin all over, but not because I feel that he could not enjoy my body otherwise. I no longer see it as a punishment. I no longer see myself as manly or masculine. My whole self perception and identity has changed from having somebody who loves me for me and teaches me daily how to love myself.

    • Blue Sphinx

      I have PCOS too, and am still shaving my beard on a pretty regular basis, but: the rest has pretty much fallen by the wayside. Take me or leave me, this is me. The metformin does help some, though I do get tired of explaining to people (especially because of my size) that I am NOT diabetic.

      • AJ Clark

        I’m on Metformin and Spironolactone as well – the medly of them together has done a whole world of good in less than a year. The spironolactone actually helps manage a lot of the water retention/swelling and the blood pressure issues that come along with it.

    • AJ Clark

      PCOS here, as well. I was lucky to be skipped over by the hirsutism. I, instead, developed broader shoulders thanks to the testosterone and got -every- other symptom (And more!). I’ve been with my husband for over 15 years and he still insists he loves everything about me – even the stuff I hate. He doesn’t see it, it doesn’t matter to him. Even when I put on a whole bunch of extra weight (That I am now over 50lbs into losing), he didn’t even realize I’d put on the extra pounds. He was shocked to find out I’d gained so much, but he still didn’t care.

      This article is spot on, though. A man in love sees you in a light that you could never understand – learning to just accept that his vision will forever be blurred to what you think is the brutal reality is the best way to handle it.

  • MontanaWarrior

    You could have been reading my Mind ! I’m certain that men look at women differently, just as you described! And a healthy, breathing, friendly, confident, humorous woman wins my attention every time! Then I am busy watching the light in her eyes, and the sparkle of her smile (and glancing at her lips, T & A… of course!). Every woman is unique. (So is every man.) There is something attractive about a woman who acknowledges her flaws but doesn’t obsess with them. I think it might be that a man feels safer with his own flaws, then….
    Great article! Well-written! Thanks!

    • Claire Casey

      I deeply appreciate the kudos, MontanaWarrior; and thanks for taking the time to read and comment! xoxo Claire

  • Rachel Wilson

    Wow…this is a great tie with Adina’s FB post on fears. Here was my reply to that: I’m a tenacious something or other. I will try the impossible yet there is one thing that sometimes will stun me for a moment or two or days. Rejection. I expect success and to get what I want all else be damned. Rejection for me is being told ‘No.’ You can’t have that thing or person. I want to know why? When I can’t know the reason this is what does it for me. So I guess it is not so much rejection as it is when the reason for the ‘No.’ is not disclosed. I’ve built a defense mechanism if I detect foul play. I’ll strike first – walk run or shy away. Hmm.

    When it comes being comfortable with my physical flaws I’m not 100% sure I can believe a man who is passionately in love with ‘me’ will do so if I am not at least close to the woman he has imagined being with. I think like an artist most of the time and see physical beauty differently than most. I would hope that a like-minded man might be able to see beyond my not being a size zero or have the flattest abs. That he’d be too enamored with my ample breasts and strong legs that grip him in the most delicious ways in the heat of the moment. Ironically men notice my eyes and smile BEFORE their gaze travels below the neck;)

    • Nicole

      Where did you get that picture?


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