6 Things An Evolved Man Wants From A Woman
About Me
A former USAF Captain, Bryan Reeves has triumphed through multiple dark nights of the soul after hurling himself into the transformational fires of intimate relationship over and over again. His program, "Love, Sex, Relationship Magic,” has helped thousands of frustrated men and women across the globe finally make sense of love's utter senselessness.“An evolved man wants a woman who won’t change to be with him, who mostly doesn’t give two sheets what other people think about her, including even him.”
I hear women these days talk about wanting an evolved, conscious man.
I’ve decided that mostly means they want to be with a man who can see a woman’s entire humanity, the profound gifts she has to offer as a feminine woman and a human being, before focusing on her ass.
I won’t claim to actually be an evolved man, anyway, which might disqualify me if I did. I still eat cheeseburgers, so …
Nonetheless, a brilliant mature woman I consider to be evolved recently asked me what an evolved man wants from a woman. So with her inquiry as my sole credential, here goes..
#1 He Wants Her Full Authentic Self
An evolved man wants a woman who won’t change to be with him, who mostly doesn’t give two sheets what other people think about her, including even him.
She isn’t arrogant; she just knows who she is and doesn’t need to prove that she has the right to live however she desires.
Sure, they might have to make difficult choices in the details of their life together (aka “compromise”), but she doesn’t shrink or sell herself out to make him happy. It won’t.
He won’t criticize her for being her authentic self, either.
An evolved man longs to see his woman radiant and genuinely happy. If she isn’t thrilled about her everyday life, he won’t be, either. Not because she’s responsible for his feelings (she’s not), but because the second best gift she could ever give him is her own authentic happiness, which brings me to #2 …
#2 He Wants Her Authentic Happiness
This is not some sinister desire to capture a woman’s joyful heart in an iron box and isolate her in a household castle.
An evolved man just wants his woman so in love with her life that her radiant joy is present in the room more often than not.
Yes there will be tough times. He won’t expect her to always be happy – he doesn’t want some spooky Stepford wife with a fake smile.
He simply wants her aware enough to know that she’s responsible for her own happiness.
He’ll be doing his best to be a good man for her, but he doesn’t want to be burdened with “making her happy.”
He’s busy enough trying to manage his own experience. Understanding this allows both partners to safely bring their real truths to the relationship every day, which is essential to sustaining real intimacy … which is what an evolved man truly wants.
#3 He Wants Her To Love Him With Wild Abandon
Many years ago I witnessed a new bride gaze with such absolute adoration upon her new husband’s face that I felt the Earth jealous even though it had the Sun. An evolved man wants his woman to radiate her love all over him like that. He will do his best to earn that from her, but then again … what has the Earth ever done to earn the Sun?
An evolved man wants his woman to love him profoundly despite his imperfections, to consistently see through his human flaws to the very best of him.
There’s an important caveat, however, as so many women are great at loving with wild abandon, but in a way that’s often self-defeating.
An evolved man doesn’t want a woman to abandon herself to love him or stay if he consistently acts horribly, failing to honor their agreements (an evolved man can still fall victim to messing up big time; he’s human, after all).
#4 He Wants Her To Communicate Openly And Even Call Out His Bullshit
An evolved man wants a woman who will speak her truth to him, a woman who knows men aren’t equipped to read minds or even not-so-subtle clues.
He also wants her to hold him accountable to his highest potential as a man, and always with love and respect.
He does NOT want her looking for every flaw in an attempt to make him perfect. That’s just annoying.
But he also doesn’t want her to hold back when she sees him acting out of integrity or playing small in his life. An intimate relationship is a powerful vehicle for a person’s evolution, and he knows he’ll always be growing and evolving.
He wants a woman who will support him in that evolution, and who’s also learned the difference between healthy, honest communication and needling criticism.
#5 He Wants Her To Surrender
If I haven’t already, here’s where I might lose “evolved man” credibility with you. I might even make you hate me, for this one’s a real stretch in our current understanding of gender equality. I was surrounded by powerful women growing up – 3 sisters and 2 mothers – so I’m completely for woman-power. This is not about regressing to some 1950s vision of women surrendering their fate to men. No way. It’s far beyond that insanity. Hear me out.
An evolved man doesn’t even try to possess a woman. He doesn’t want her to abandon her dreams or live only for him. He wants her to live fully in her truth.
However, he does want her to relax and trust him primarily to lead their lives together. He will always want and respect her input on matters that affect their lives, and if he’s truly an evolved man he’ll always work to get her wholehearted buy-in on important decisions. But this may surprise you:
An evolved man doesn’t actually want 50/50 decision-making in his intimate relationship. When two people dance together, only one can lead.
Surrender is about trust. An evolved man wants his woman’s trust to lead the relationship, whatever that means.
Of course he needs to be worthy of her trust, but we are talking about an evolved man here. He’s endlessly demonstrating trustworthiness with his woman. Which in large part means he’s demonstrating clear commitment to serving a life purpose beyond his own little tyrant ego’s whims.
#6 He Wants Her To Surrender Sexually, Too
I don’t mean to infuriate traditional feminists, but an evolved man still does want sex. Passionate. Consistent. Anytime. Sex. He wants no games; no withholding; no negotiating. Sex.
He’ll be deeply sensitive to her needs, but not at the expense of castrating himself internally to protect her from his ravenous sexuality. This is often what makes men turn to porn, strip clubs, massage parlors, affairs.
Feeling his woman consistently shut off sexually from him is aggravating beyond description.
If his woman is consistently shut off to him sexually, there’s a disconnect somewhere between them. It might be the way he’s showing up in their relationship; it might be chemical; it might be something else. But he’ll want to explore it. And he’ll want his woman to want to explore it openly with him.
That’s what evolved couples do: communicate deeply, vulnerably, with appreciation for differences, with the ultimate goal of creating pure fucking magic together, every single day.
One last thing on #6:
.. an evolved man won’t make his ejaculation (or hers for that matter) the point of sex. But that’s a whole other article.
In the end, an evolved man doesn’t actually want anything in particular from a woman other than her authentic self.
By Bryan Reeves
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I thoroughly enjoyed this article. I think an evolving woman wants to be her authentic self and works on that. An evolving woman does not require the love of another to be happy, she knows she is responsible for her own happiness. An evolving woman makes love with abandon, seeing her partner’s response makes it a mutual under-taking. An evolving woman speaks openly and draws attention to misunderstandings that show up, but not for the sake of argument. Understanding is the goal. An evolving woman in love will ALLOW herself to be loved. This is “surrender” as you would “surrender to the irresistible urge to sleep”, not “surrender” in the context of war. As in allowing herself to surrender in the emotions of love and affection, “surrender” in lovemaking is letting go, letting the waves take you to places you never dreamed of.
So, I think the war between the sexes is a harmful lie we have been fed. All of us contain the feminine and the masculine in our make-up. We are souls occupying human form. Get over whether you are a man or a woman, just be a loving and compassionate human. It is its own reward.
Male and female characteristics compliment each other. Black/White. Hot/Cold. It is a good thing to have a loving and compassionate partner. However, as an evolving woman, I do not believe these relationships are necessarily “forever/till death do us part”, nor are they strictly heterosexual. It is best not to judge others in their affairs of the heart, unless you want to be judged on your choices as well.
I could not agree more. But I would also add that I would desire for her to be conscious in regards to her own health living as close to nature as she can, and do not have habits like smoking, misusing her body in any way… A woman like this is very hardt to come by, thats for certain.
This is the first article I’ve read in a long time where I sense the levels of honesty, bravery and vulnerability that went into sharing every single word. This is very rare in the world. And the truth is hard to take for most of us, but I can only speak for myself. The more I learn of myself and the more I allow myself to be truly brave and vulnerable in my relationships, the more I agree with every single item mentioned. This is not an easy thing to do as a strong, independent woman; but I do feel even stronger, more alive, more present when my man lives in the ways you’ve written. And as for surrender, there is power in choosing to surrender to a man you truly trust, it becomes a bond that transcends two people… that power comes back to a woman in abundance. Thank you for sharing.
The Trust dance is a function of the style; not all dances have one lead. Not all dances have the same lead. 50/50 is obtainable.
A Dominator/Dominated (cf. Capitalism: winner/loser; on top/on bottom; ride/or die; me/before you always; mother/baby) value approach is not the only human/western path shown across time and geographies. We have cultural continuums of ecstatics as well as rigids.
Choices (moves) are made.
When Trust becomes a commodity to feed ego social validation it’s no longer Authentic.
I am going to have his/their Trust for particular contexts; I am going to be better equipped, resilient and or competent in some contexts, the flip side being me stepping up to bat for other scenarios.
Am happy to be a Passenger when the Trust is mutual and it’s for us to Shine and ripple bridging vibes of the world.
Image credits should be given to painter William-Adolphe Bouguereau
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William-Adolphe_Bouguereau
No..sorry…the whole premise of this article is off. An evolved man does not value one person any higher than another..is not seeking a mate with which to procreate…nor to divide his affection or distract him from his purpose…he is whole and complete already…show up…be yourself….know your shadow …embrace it…bring it to balance in the light….kill your television…get into nature…be open…
I am sorry, but this “evolved man” sounds kinda a bit full of himself….maybe still got some evolving to do…One thing dead on… if a woman is withholding sex mostly is not because she wants to,..maybe she has been putting up too much with her evolved man’s imperfection without ways to resolve it… I said one biggest issue between man and woman is that Man has too big of ego to really work out the relationship… And women have too much emotions and feelings and needs to nurture and cater if she fell in love. She could be as authentic and strong as her happy self without her evolved man being an immature child at the same time think he deserves to be the king of her world.
Good grief. Sex is driven by sexual desire, which is driven by biology…chemistry, etc. Some men want it all of the time, some don’t…some never want it. The same is true with women. Sexual desire and readiness cannot be summed up by saying men want it all of the time and women should submit. Sigh.
Point #6 is just sex as Nature intended it, with the woman submitting and surrendering to the man.
The male mammal is the stronger, dominant and active partner, and the female is the weaker, submissive and passive partner. And that is beautiful and romantic and sexy.
Humans have invented all kinds of ‘alternative’ ways of doing sex, and feminists are forever trying to get us to forget Nature and submit to their radical Political Correctness instead. But really: Nature always knows best.
The only place where “surrender” will always exist is in a 50/50 partnership — something that is waaaaay too rare these days. For me, it’s partnership or nothing.
Didn’t agree with the whole “surrender”, and “submit” references. The author must have just watched too many “50 shades of gray” movies which scored only 2 stars from critics. This is one of those “give 2 truths and sandwich 1 lie” scenarios and I’m sorry to hear that gullible women just ate it up. Never there’s a need for submission in a relationship. In fact if author insists that “in a dance of 2 one must lead”, he should be the one who is the follower!!! The couple should instead be complimentary to each other or let the other lead in those areas in which one is stronger. But because some men are so inherently insecure (like the author) for this very reason they lack the skills of a “real leader” – a unit that is “WE” requires two contributing entities, not one. Not boss – both are employees of We. She can fire him and has a few more executive powers than he. (That’s the truth but many men will have you believe otherwise, because they are insecure arrogant and shauvenistic). A real man understands the power of a woman and doesn’t reduce her role to a supporter – because suddenly he became a “leader” (probably some childhood complex … Freud would explain it better, something to do with his relationship w his mother /sisters… Got bullied a lot ect . Thus was born a need to dominate a partner and call it “leadership” lol). A secure ALPHA MALE doesn’t have such silly requirements – in fact none of my golfing buddies who are CEOs and major league players – have ever had a submissive woman fetish, like this author does. So it’s NOT THE NORM, and it’s most definitely a minority thinking. A powerful man in always EMPOWERING to his woman. A domineering guy who is into subduing a woman is a shameful loser who has too many excuses and blames the whole world for his shortcomings (the whole “orgasm is not a point if sex”, is also questionable. In a normal relationship there are no artificially created orgasm scarcities?!? Many orgasms is a reality; orgasm scarcity is NOT normal under no excuses. Not one ideology in the world can justify it – and what author claims “it’s not a point of sex” is simply an EXCUSE for not being able to satisfy his partner. Again, it’s shameful, and I would t go around writing articles about it. The author is like in Dr Seuss’s book ” A King of nothing” and must finish his education …which doesn’t come from cheap movies, that is.
Wowwww! Can I borrow your post…please? Every bit of what you is absolutely, totally on point (truthful).
well said. I liked the article and then came to point 5. And yes surrender is great, for both parties, And yes, I love salsa dancing, and it has helped me to take back some of my traditional male qualities of initiative that I have given up via my feminist parents’ upbringing, (even though one of my best dance experiences was with a phenomenal woman dancer who halfway through the song told me she was now going to lead me). But wow, I couldn’t swallow the rest of his argument. Maybe some women want to be lead, and some men want to lead, but this is just male ego talking. Bullshit of Biblical proportions. Equality! Goddesses and Gods at play. Freedom and Love have to co-exist.
The woman submitting/surrendering to her man concept is something I believe is misunderstood by most people. The origin of this comes from the Bible (Eph 5:22-33)
Wives should submit to their husbands like the church submits to Christ. But it doesn’t end there! The husband should love his wife as Christ loves the church. This is a self forsaking self sacrificing, unconditional love. It is impossible for a man to do this if she doesn’t surrender to him. But men usually are to egotistic and fail to do this. If a man does love his wife in this way I guarantee that she will have no objection to submitting to him. Because she’s not submitting to be dominated but to be cared for and loved unconditionally.
It bugs me that the debate is always about the summit part and never about the responsibility of the man to love his wife in the manner I just described. The job of the man is much harder to do and many fail. This is why women refuse to submit. Which is completely understandable to me.
Bryan I totally loved this article! Many awakenings from reading it, but have to share this one: My husband has been talking for months (years) about me surrendering to him and obeying him and I always thought / said “OBEY?? F*** THAT!” But I really heard it the way you wrote it, and so I asked him what that actually meant to him, and what unfolded was a revelation that created huge openings and realizations. I feel so sad that for the past 7 years I haven’t understood that part of him, what he saw for us, I didn’t trust or even open to his vision for us as a couple, that we didn’t even discuss that when we came together. I am not sure if we will stay together, but I am so humbled by having the conversations. I so appreciate men’s wisdom and appreciate you for braving the potential misunderstandings and backlash by putting your knowledge out there. Thanks <3 🙂
His woman? this is a wrong concept to me.
I have to say the authors concept that women should always be sexually available to men, seems to contradict respecting them, and having a healthy relationship versus friends with benefits. Also, the whole she doesn’t care what anyone thinks including him, doesn’t sound like emotional intelligence / health but apathy or antipathy…it appears a little juvenile..a truly evolved man would appreciate a woman who cares to develop her compassion and empathy towards others, including himself, just not at the cost of her own integrity, with healthy boundaries established. I mean..I like most of it, but these points seemed out of place for someone aspiring to evolve
The author might want to take a few courses from Alison Armstrong, who has studied men for many years and written books and workshops on relationships and how men and women communicate and has shared what works and what does not. Maybe after learning more about how women “hear” and how men “think” then write another article.
Your number 3 is one we’re not clearly taught from the beginning, probably because most of our parents weren’t taught either. From what I understand, the man’s love focusses to a single point, the point of creation. A woman’s love is all encompassing. She is everything else. It is possible that all those thousands of years ago, men sought to limit women in various ways because they realised when women are their true authentic selves, radiating this all consuming love, there is nothing that can beat them. They are far more powerful than men. So why not have that power on your side? If you have a woman on your side who radiates this, you can be and do anything!
Yep. #5 completely lost credibility. I get that women can be dominating and micromanage relationships- but I can’t even understand how anyone could “lead” a life together. Wtf does that even mean? Sounds like the bullshittiest of bullshit to me. Sorry bro. It’s 50/50 or I’ll spend the rest of my life very happily living alone. This is some old school programming that is very comfortable for men and is completely useless. Can you imagine a dance where people took turns leading? Obviously not. How exactly would one person lead while two people have careers, interests, passions, friends? I can’t think of any happy couples that have a subservient wife who is all “herself” and follows along.
Sorry bro. You might have to check just how that could possibly work.
I had a feeling that people would get all worked up over the concept of a woman “surrendering” to a man, but I find it to be quite romantic. As a woman raised by a single mother, I’ve learned to do everything myself. I fix my own plumbing, I drive myself to the airport, I rarely count on a man to do the little things – and the big things. It is so rare to have a relationship with a man where I am no longer required to be the completely independent woman that I have built myself into being. For once, I would like to be able to depend on someone, and have them lead so I don’t have to. After a lifetime of leading, it would be nice to trust someone else enough to take the reigns. That being said, the concept of “surrender” should be somewhat mutual.
This whole article is written with a cute, romantic tone. I liked it.
BEST. ARTICLE. EVER. THAT I HAVE EVER READ ON THIS SUBJECT. THANK YOU. IT IS BRILLIANT. A relationship is 100%, 100%. It is not a combined 100%. That means each gives half. It is two whole humans together, not half. Women who THINK they are evolved yet balk at the idea of surrender, are completely missing the point. I knew if I read the comments, I’d see comments where people don’t understand what the author is saying. You cannot have two that lead. It is a dance, a natural part of the male/female dichotomy. As a woman who was raised by a ‘feminist’ who taught my two sisters and I to handle everything ourselves, I missed very important ‘evolved men’ data growing up. Hands downs, this author is ON target and NAILS it, simply and with humor here. It is fascinating that so many people here are missing the point. I got all of them. I don’t care about the grammar or use of the word hamburger. You see, women in America have been bitchslapping men into complete emasculation and the tone the author uses reflects the fear of criticism EVEN though he actually brings up valid points. If you don’t like it, move on. Why don’t you all research, Alison Armstrong, Matt Boggs, Arielle Ford and a list of knowledgeable speakers on the subject of ‘men and women’ and ‘why we do what we do’ based on history, our instincts and what we are actually naturally inclined to do and how to be. I am sure I will get chewed on for this commentary and how sad is it, that those who read it and miss the valuable nuggets he shares, will miss the point on how to create a better relationship with a partner. This isn’t about who is better or more powerful, it is about what is natural for a man/woman. It is not about dominating. And why don’t y’all ask men who visit strip clubs and have affairs and watch porn why they do it? Why don’t you ask men WHY they do what they do? And women, for example who use sex as a negotiation too, why they do it? Or withhold sex when they’re angry? Or happy or want to make a point? Relationships are a dance, a comraderie, a teamwork between two whole people with various needs and in order to have it be a success, can certainly succeed with the tidbits this author shares here. Kudos!
Agree with you 100% Cindy !
I would love to go into a long dissertation about how terrible this article is but I don´t care enough to do so. The only prudent thing I would like to point out is the wretched grammar used to create this piece of crap. Please, for the love of god, get yourself an editor before you post this garbage. Your ideas are nowhere near the caliber you think, but at the very minimum you could learn how to use proper punctuation.
Cheers.