Five years ago my life forever changed, I found myself in the hospital with a full blown herpes outbreak. It was devastating.
I was in physical anguish and I was dealing with the flooding of all my emotional and mental judgements of having attracted a herpes outbreak. At first my ego flared as the feelings of shame, guilt, anger and panic came flooding into my experience. And then something profound happened, a little voice somewhere inside me reminded me that I had a choice, this could either break me or build me.
I made my choice: this one moment in time would not define my life or who I was in any negative way. I would find a way to heal myself from the inside out.
To Heal, I Had To Get Radically Real About My Relationship To My Sexuality
While I had made profound shifts in many areas of my life there was one area I was avoiding, my sexuality. It had been kept on major lockdown and in all honesty hadn’t been willing or ready to look at it- until now.
To truly expand into our potential we must release and let go of all the things that weigh us down and hold us back. Our unconscious and disempowering beliefs are often held hostage in the memories and perceptions of our past. To heal these blocks the universe brings us opportunities to deal. The more we ignore what we need to face the harder the universe works to get our attention.
The First Gentle Nudge
The body always communicates to us – if only we are open enough to hear. For nearly my entire sexual life my body wouldn’t physically open during intercourse. My body was as dry as the desert and I just accepted that sex was painful and for the most part unenjoyable.The only orgasms I was capable of having were external, where I was fully in control. I was incredibly uncomfortable with relaxing and receiving pleasure and so I blocked it.
Blocking something enough times ultimately leads to a breakdown.
My Breakdown Was My Outbreak
I had learned enough along my journey to understand, there is always an emotional connection to the manifestation of dis-ease in the body. When I realized a herpes outbreak represented a longstanding belief in sexual guilt, the need for punishment, public shame, rejection of the genitals and the belief in a punishing God, I knew this had occurred for me to establish once and for all a powerful, love-filled relationship to my sexuality.
What Herpes Taught Me About Radical Self Love
To heal the wounds of my past, forgive them and set myself free I had to do something I had never done before- Love myself. I somehow knew if began to love and accept myself the more empowered I would feel within my sexual nature and heal myself.
The Miracle of Vulnerability
This one outbreak forever changed the course of the way I communicated with people and with whom I chose to be around. I have learned to openly share my experience so that others can learn, heal and come into greater levels of love and compassion.
At first I had a fear that sharing my experience would cause others to reject me and treat me as an outcast. Instead something beautiful happened. I was given, every time, the gift and miracle of witnessing the depths of human compassion and acceptance. Every. Single. Time.
I came to understand it as the power of vulnerability. When I was able to authentically share myself with an open heart it caused a ripple effect in another. Inside the energy of intimate dialogue and heart opening vulnerability people soften, they are kind and they become true examples of unconditional love in action. To get to this place of openly sharing, I had to love myself. I had to accept myself.
Accepting myself meant declaring what I would accept in my life. The more I loved myself the higher my standards became. I was no longer willing to exchange sexual energy with low vibrational individuals. I made a choice to only engage with partners going forward who I shared a spiritual connection, mental connection, emotional connection and heart connection with. To hold my ground and stay rooted in my self worth was the most liberating feeling in the world.
Radical Self Love = Sexual Bliss
Over time as I began to love myself more I began to open energetically. As I opened energetically I was more and more able to open physically.
As I healed, forgave and released the toxic energy of my past, my sexuality blossomed. I was no longer terrified by the idea of intimacy or allowing someone in. I was no longer threatened by the idea of surrender. I was no longer a prisoner of fear.
This massive life lesson has lead me to my current relationship where I am the most sexually, spiritually and emotionally fulfilled I have ever been. I have given myself permission to love freely and receive love through my sexuality. My sex life is now a safe, sexy and fun playground to explore and expand.
The more I open to self love the more intense my pleasure becomes. My sexual expression is now a balanced fusion of my physical senses, my emotions, my intellect and my spirituality.
To say I am grateful for the experience of my past, is an understatement. I was not only able to effectively heal a dis-ease out of my body through radical self love, emotional and physical re-programming and spiritual healing but I was also able to give myself the gift of feeling, the depth of true heart filled intimacy and the sacred gift of human connection.
I now have the privilege and honour of guiding other women through their unique journey of self worth, self acceptance, self worth and Radical Self Love. I am truly blessed.
“Read more about the inspiring Kelsey Grant in the “About” below. You can also check out her 30 Day Radical Self Love Program (a virtual self study course to support anyone who is looking to have a more enriching relationships and a truly fulfilling, juicy, high vibing life) here: www.kelseygrant.com/30dayprogram – Note: I have not tried it myself, so please let me know how it went.”