Tantra 101: A Super Simple Guide For Tantric Sex Beginners!

The Author

Helena Niestroj

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About Me

Helena is a passionate tantric practitioner and educator. Drawing on her extensive experience in meditation, yoga, reiki and spiritual arts, she guides her clients with care, warmth and loving compassion on their tantric path. A graduate of the Australian School of Tantra and a member of the International Institute of Complementary Therapists, she loves to share the knowledge and the practical tools of Tantra. She’s particularly passionate about creating deeper, more meaningful relationships with others, more authentic connection to self, stronger control over one’s life, and sacred sexuality between lovers.

“Tantra is a set of techniques used all over the world to deepen intimacy, increase passion, and communicate in a more open and authentic way.”

In a world of high stress, to-do-lists, and constantly running out of time, tantra is the perfect antidote to the routine that develops in every romantic relationship.

This beautiful art of conscious, sacred sexuality has been practiced for thousands of years by Tantric couples in order to achieve authentic love, deep and passionate connection, and Spiritual enlightenment.

And absolutely anyone today can draw from the ancient reservoir of knowledge and wisdom of our ancient ancestors!

Tantra 101: 11 Tips For Beginners!

Practice these methods to reconnect to your lover, and in no time, you will master the ancient art of tantra!!

TIP #1: Make Time For A Weekly Session

Commit to a weekly tantric session with your partner. Pick a day and time that works for both of you.

Set aside at least two hours to truly celebrate your relationship. Do not reschedule even if you’re feeling tired, as your tantric session will soon invigorate your body and leave you feeling new, stronger energy flowing through you!

Be sure to stick to your special date, only rescheduling if absolutely necessary. You’ll be amazed by the increased love, connection, and playfulness each session will bring both of you!

TIP #2: Be Open To Try Something New

Remember to have fun and don’t take yourself too seriously. Have an open mind and open heart, even if something seems silly to you at first.

Many people who are new to tantra have declared the eye-gazing exercise awkward and weird… until they tried it!

Don’t dismiss anything, just set some practices aside until you’re ready to experiment with them later on. And make sure to remain playful and curious – if a practice feels good to both of you, you’re on your way!

TIP #3: Set The Mood 

Prepare for your lover by cleaning and adorning your bed with comfortable cushions and blankets. Create a feast for the senses with flowers, light incense sticks (or diffuse essential oils), plus a few fruits and drinks you both enjoy.

“Create a magical space by turning your bedroom into a temple of love.”

Light plenty of candles – their flickering and dim light will bring magic into the space. Put on a soft, relaxing music playlist (that will play for at least 2 hours). And make sure that the temperature is just right so that both of you are comfortable.

TIP #4: Take A Cleansing & Relaxing Bath

Run a soothing bubble bath for your beloved. Light candles all over the bathroom, add soft music, spread rose petals on the floor, and pour a glass of their favorite wine.

Even better, you can join them in the bath tub!

TIP #5: Shake Your Body Alive

Re-sensitize your body and to release any tension or blockages.

Stand facing each other with feet hip width apart and slightly bent knees. Take a moment to relax from head to toe and next start shaking your entire body for at least 5 minutes – shake your arms, hands, hips, head, shoulders, legs… You’ll just love the tingling and aliveness you’ll experience afterwards!

This practice helps your bodies experience pleasure in a much deeper, more intense way.

TIP #6: Meditate Together

Meditate together to clear your minds and connect to your hearts. Sit down cross legged facing each other and close your eyes.

Breathe deeply – simply be together in silence until all the worries of the day are gone. This will help you both become fully present and focused on each other.

You can also play a guided meditation, meditative music, or just sit in silence.

TIP #7: Tell Your Beloved What You Love About Them

Look them lovingly in the eye, and begin each sentence with ‘I really love…’.

Be true and authentic, reaching deep into your heart to express all that you appreciate about them. This is not the time for a discussion but for sharing.

To open your hearts even deeper and create more connection and intimacy, use the following phrases (and fill in the blanks):

‘”My heart truly desires… “, “It brings me a lot of pleasure when you… ”

Once you’ve finished, invite your beloved to do the same for you and thank them afterwards.

TIP #8: Look Deeply Into Each Others Eyes

Look into the eyes of your beloved: the gateway to the Soul, and ask them to do the same.

Try to eye-gaze between 5 and 15 minutes. It will feel like a long time at first until you connect on the Soul level, and this connection will feel wonderful and delicious.

To deepen the experience, synchronize your breaths so that you inhale and exhale at the same time.

TIP #9 Sit In Yab Yum Pose

This traditional tantric pose is a wonderful way to connect intimately with your beloved.

The male partner sits down cross legged, while the female sits down on top of his legs facing him (clothed or naked). Embrace each other and breathe fully together. Allow your bodies to tune in to each other; to merge together in this beautiful embrace.

Feel the love you both share, the appreciation for this special moment, and the joy of being able to celebrate your relationship!

TIP #10 Engage In A Tantric Kiss

Still sitting in the yab yum position, breathe together and imagine that you’re sharing each other’s breath. Then join your lips in a soft, gentle kiss.

Allow your lips to melt together in a slow sensual kiss. Relax and savour the kiss as you caress your beloved’s lips with your own.

Stay completely present in the moment and immerse yourself in the sensations of closeness and intimacy.

TIP #11 Give {or Receive} a Tantric Massage

Have him (or her) lay face down, as you awaken their body to various sensations.

Softly touch their skin with flowers, fabrics, feathers, ice, hot wax, fingertips. Begin with a gentle touch, then proceed to longer, fuller. Start at non-erogenous zones (back, neck, head, hands, legs, feet), then slowly excite their sexual energy, touching their bottom, inner thighs and genitals.

Have your lover turn over, and repeat on the front of their body – awakening their skin with soft touch, then massaging their non-erogenous zones first before proceeding to their chest, nipples, inner thighs and genitals.

Keep asking for feedback and remind your beloved to relax, breathe fully, and stay present.

Note: This massage is not about orgasm, so do not try to make them come – simply enjoy giving them pleasure.

How To End Your Session

At this point, you both may decide to make love – or not. If not, simply lay in each other’s embrace, and share your feelings in a soft, loving conversation.

If you do decide to make love, do not rush it. Allow the penetration to happen naturally, without any effort.

Start with slow, shallow thrusts, and remain completely aware of your bodies, your energies and particularly your genital area. Guide your consciousness to travel up and down your spine – between your heart and your genitals, and notice all the sensations in your body.

And as you start to move again, allow your genitals to connect lovingly, and melt together in a sensual, ecstatic dance.

Take your time! Tantra is not a chase to an orgasm – it’s a feast of pleasure, and as long as you’re both experiencing plenty of it, you’re on the right track!

By Helena Niestroj

Artist Featured Images: Aryo Bhatara {MTS eam} | Edited by Chelsie Diadhiou

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This video explains how to give a tantric yoni massage:

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