The Myth Of The Big Black Penis

The Author

Monique Ruffin

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About Me

Monique Ruffin is the host, creator and producer of Generation Sex, a web series that creates a safe space to discuss the taboo issues facing both men and women in sexual relationships. She has a Master’s Degree in Spiritual Psychology, has studied under the guidance of Michael Beckwith, and is an accomplished writer and blogger with contributions at Purple Clover, Huffington Post and Mom.me.

Recently I was watching one of the Bethenny of Skinny Girl Cocktails and Real Housewives of New York on Watch What Happens Live, and she asked host Andy Cohen:

“Is it true that black men have bigger penises than white men?”

While not surprised by the question, hearing it from a white woman was somewhat annoying. This idea just perpetuates stereotypes of black men that started when the Europeans set foot in Africa several centuries ago. In the sixteenth century, Europeans generally believed that Africans were primitive and animalistic. They were considered to be a people without God and therefore prone to being uncontrollable sexually. It was also believed that black men had larger penises than white men. Their purported anatomy and inclinations supposedly enticed white women, making black men a threat.

The myth was born with the onset of the slave trade, and still lives today. It’s also propagated by black men and understandably so. Men, all of them, take a great deal of pride in the size of their penises and the ability to satisfy a woman. When I ask a group of black men whether this myth true, nine out of ten say yes and present more than one experience or reason to support their belief. However, when I asked a group of women, of different races, seven out of ten said the myth was true. That number decreased drastically when a group of black women were asked. Only four of ten agreed that black men have larger penises, and the remaining 60 percent were adamant that the myth is false.

For a while I even believed the myth myself.

As a young person—as a child in a black community and while attending a traditionally black college—this myth has been within the consciousness of my environment. At school, there were constant reminders that I was surrounded by young black men with their big penises. Thinking back, all I can say is I’m so happy those early hormone-driven myth-filled experiences are over. For a while I even believed the myth myself. My first boyfriend’s penis was large and curved. My second boyfriend also had a pretty substantial penis, and I was on good streak until college. Until I met Jonathan (whose name I’ve changed to protect the innocent), I believed the myth too.

He was the blackest, most gorgeous man I’d ever seen. I wanted him bad. His skin was dark as night and his body looked like it had been chiseled by Michelangelo himself. He stood about six foot five, and I was silenced by his beauty. He was younger than I by a few years, but that didn’t matter. Finally, after months of flirting, he got on board and in bed. I can only recall that his skin was so dark, I couldn’t see him with the lights off. I didn’t care; I knew how gorgeous he was. But when I touched him, I couldn’t believe how small his penis was. I thought oral sex would remedy the problem. It did not. We never connected sexually again, and I was very sad for us both, but mostly for him.

Now, as an adult and the mother of a black son, I can appreciate the humanity of my lovers beyond the size of their penises and the color of their skin. At nineteen years old, I missed the opportunity to fully love that young man who revealed himself to me so tenderly. I was too busy subjecting myself to ego-driven sex with men who identified themselves way so strongly with their big penises that it didn’t really matter that I was on the other end of it, in pain.

Our lovemaking was amazing, and it was the size of his heart that really penetrated me.

Recently I had a lover, a black man who was probably one of the most well-endowed men I’d ever encountered. His penis was like a piece of art. But much more intriguing was the way this man treated me. He opened doors, touched me lovingly, carried my bags, paid attention to my son, spoke kindly and maturely with me and with everyone he met. Honestly, he made love to me the entire time we were together even before his penis came into play. Our lovemaking was amazing, and it was the size of his heart that really penetrated me. Looking back I was incredible triggered by Bethenny’s question because too I have believed the myth and sought out black men hoping to experience the grand sexual fantasy of being taken by the Mandingo with the big penis. In each experience before recent years I missed the opportunity to connect, give love and share humanity. I apologize.