Why You Shouldn’t Give A Fuck About Looks

“I love a good looking woman but theres so much more to it ,” That`s exactly my experience…. Wonderful article by `Haelthy & Happy?´…….

I love a good looking woman but theres so much more to it ,

my partner has become more beautiful on my eye the more she has become a beautiful energy and person. A loving smile means a lot more than a polished face to me she is the best and most beautiful in the world i just wish she felt the same about me.!

On the whole, I would agree with these elements (and, for me, yet a few more actually) needing to be present for at all having a shot at a relationship of the serious kind. The “right” looks however (I mean plainly physical, no so much clothing etc) also must be present; there are a few physical elements I simple cannot deal with. Wonder if I’m more like men are said to be in that regard …? Never identified much with that being unimportant either way – on the other hand the best looks can *become* unattractive when there’s no substance behind them. Too, being too perfect isn’t attractive either.

Also would like to take the opportunity to share an article I read a while ago, which resonated fully with me, and that came to mind now when reading your lines about “soul mates”.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/brooke-hampton/dont-marry-your-soul-mate_b_6004132.html

That’s a great article, unfortunately I don’t think it applies to modern society, and modern people’s perception in meeting a partner.

I’m not a “good” looking guy(at least I don’t consider myself to be one), I’m 25 and I’m ashamed of the fact that until this age I never had a girlfriend. Why ?
I’m not an introvert, I’m a social person, it’s not difficult to make friends, but my whole life I never trusted myself, I don’t like the way I look, so I always thought that I would have no chance with a beautiful girl, and instead of making “a fool of myself”, I never really tried to approach anyone, didn’t dare to ask a person out or something, despite of having no problem talking with girls.

The fear of being perceived as desperate, pathetic, or the fear of rejection, and of “making a fool of myself” trapped me, and never tried to take a risk.

I understand now that it matters how you perceive yourself, if you have low self esteem, and you think you’re ugly, or not smart enough, or not interesting enough, you’ll live thinking everyone will see you as you see yourself.

This “problem” bothers me for a while now, especially since everyone that I know is in a relationship with someone.

Looks are over rated. What somebody calls ugly, somebody else calls beautiful. I take functionality over fashion anytime. If you have a great car but it won’t run, it’s useless, but if you have an old POS truck like i do that gets me from a to b and back, it’s the best thing in the world. Now women are basically the same. If you have a super model girlfriend that is dumb as a brick and can’t cook or clean and is lousy in bed, useless. But if you have a Beauty Queen, like I do (my opinion, but others have told her as well) that is intellectual, can cook and sexy as hell and great in bed, you have gold. We work together well, we are in love with each other. We don’t just love each other, we are IN live with each other, and are very compatible. But even if she wasn’t as attractive as she is, I would still love her like I do now. We are best friends, and that makes wonderful lovers to me, no matter how we look.

Awe thank you for sharing, LOVE everything you guys stand for. You both are beautiful in my eyes, INSIDE and OUT!
Namaste

Your video resonated so much with me, it made me cry, because it is so genuine. Your relationship is truly beautiul in every sense. Blessings to you both!

All of the items mentioned in the article are great things, and definitely things that I look for in my own relationships, but “looks” is also apart of it and something to “give a fuck about”. Looks do matter, *along with* all the rest of the stuff. It’s not either/or, it’s both/and.

Beauty is a sacred thing, and a celebrated thing. Perhaps media and our culture have gone to weird places in celebrating lumps of bones, muscle and flesh in empty ways…but who cares? We all have the capacity to determine what is beautiful for us and to appreciate physical beauty in our own lives.

In my experience, to bask in the physical beauty of a woman is such an energizing, peaceful, exhilarating and spiritual experience. And that includes everything from her sense of style, to how she carries herself, to her hair, her smell and her body. To be in that quiet space with a woman and to acknowledge her beauty, to have the privilege of witnessing her – I wouldn’t want to live without it. To dismiss that dishonors a part of who we are as physical creatures…the world is full of beauty and we are naturally drawn to beauty. I couldn’t imagine being with a woman, or marrying a woman I did not unreservedly consider beautiful. That would seem like a dishonoring situation if someone was to say on their wedding day, “I think you’re terribly ugly, but you’ve got a great mind and personality!”. At the same time, I couldn’t imagine being with a woman I thought was stupid, rude, boring, cruel, unhygienic, etc. Looks, personality, values, intelligence, and whatever else we decide *are all* part of the mix of beauty and attraction.

Looks also signal how a person feels about themselves. People who have good self-esteem and are happy do things to take care of themselves, stay clean, groomed, and dress in ways that enhance their appearance, are fun and creative and express their personality. It’s a good measure of whether a person cares about how they live and how they conduct themselves. A man or woman putting effort into how they appear is expressing themselves, their personality, their mind, and ultimately their soul, in a physical way. It’s just something we can’t get away from as physical beings. It’s easy to tell insecure people from their looks as well.

Both of you are clearly beautiful, attractive, good looking people and you present yourselves that way on this website and in the video. So you’ve already got that covered, it’s there and it’s one item off the checklist so to speak. Imagine if you woke up one morning and told Adina that these past 10 years you thought she was ugly, but you didn’t give a fuck, cause she had other things going for her. It might not go over so well. That wouldn’t seem very caring thing to do. That may even start to unravel everything that you had been building over the past 10 years and all these other things that are valuable to you. My guess is that you honestly find her beautiful, AND she’s got lots of other awesome stuff going for her as well. If she didn’t have other awesome stuff going for her, you may find her beautiful, but you wouldn’t have gotten into a 10 year relationship with her.

good points! it is not about looks in the end. it may draw you to a person but it does not keep you there.

Sorry hun,

but I can make a case for why looks DO matter. After my
divorce, I started dating guys thinking that its what’s on the inside that
matters, so I looked for a high intellect, education, a big heart, and all that
other sensible stuff. But dating men I thought were proper, and had the right
credentials, was making me miserable. Sure, they were on my professional and
socioeconomic level, and could impress my friends and family, but I just wasn’t
having fun.

Then, around age 40, I became self-actualized, I threw the
opinions of others out the window, and started following my bliss. I actually
started to have fun, dating young, hot, beautiful men. Some had brains, but
most had not. Some were self-aware, others were not. But as I analyzed the
stage I was going through, I realized the reason I was no longer interested in
what’s on the inside of a man, and more focused on looks. I realized, that as a
successful, independent woman, I already possessed the qualities I was looking
for in a man (high education, success, high IQ, intellect, confidence, ability,
a strong sense of right and wrong, morality, a wide circle of friends, etc). I
no longer needed a man to complete me with these characteristics because I AM
complete.

And so, no matter how hard I tried to appreciate those
qualities in men, they were just not inspiring me to have a relationship. Then
I reached the stage of life most men reach, when they become more indulgent.
They grown a pony tail, buy a Porsche, and start dating pretty, little things.
No one would be able to convince these men that they should date sensibly (a
woman their own age, with a high intellect, big heart or inner beauty). Most
self actualized men could convince you that that
is the beauty of life- being able to enjoy a young woman simply because she
makes him feel younger, sexy, virile, and joyful.

So here I am, dating former models, athletes with big
biceps, enjoying their outer beauty, their physical prowess and absolutely
enjoying life! These younger hotties have given me something my
well-credentialed, ethical, husband with a big heart could not: hot sex,
beautiful bodies, incredible fun, adventure, all the stuff that makes life
worth living. After all, when I am old, dying on my death bed, what will I
regret the most? That I didn’t do what
is proper? No. I will regret being once young, having a beautiful body too, and
not enjoying every single minute of it.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that what is on the
inside of a human being is unimportant. But I think we as women, have been
conditioned for centuries to appreciate men for traits which no longer serve us.
Religion, culture, and our parents teach us that it is important to appreciate
the inner qualities such as intellect, a moral compass, loyalty, emotional
strength, etc. But now that most women are better educated than their
counterparts, earning their own living, and becoming more independent, it is
absolutely fantastic that we are learning how to complete ourselves, enjoy our
lives, our sexuality, our bodies and create adventures of our own. Now that I
am at the stage in my life, where it is all about me and my own pleasure, there
is nothing that I appreciate more than those superficial qualities of a man:
physical beauty, an athletic build, biceps, a sexy smile, oh, and that other
little appendage that makes me smile.

Most women might disagree with me here, but as the rare
woman who is not hunting for a husband, nor in a frantic panic to procreate, I
have no other need from a man. I exist for those simple life’s pleasures and
sure, they may seem superficial to some, but to me, there is nothing more beautiful
than an early morning hug form a set of rock-heard biceps, and a beautiful face
to say good morning.

You might argue that this does not constitute real love, but I beg to
differ. As someone who was previously in a marriage with a man who possessed a
beautiful mind and a beautiful heart, I can attest that a beautiful face and
body are to be appreciated as well. Some people choose a Volvo because it is
safe, reliable, and a quality car, and there is nothing wrong with that choice.
Others splurge on a Lamborghini and risk it all for the epic thrill that makes
life worth living- I choose the later

So beautiful seeing you both share your vulnerable & intimate Selves on video – Blessings, bYOUtifull souls ♥ ♥

This article rings very true for me. The attributes you mention are at the root of our emotional, intellectual, and physical attraction that is still going strong midway through our fifth decade together. It is also what has allowed us to run a couple of businesses, raise children and grandchildren, volunteer with a variety of nonprofits, and generally enjoy exploring life.

The attributes you mention have, in my opinion, allowed us to question conventional “wisdom” at a number of levels. We are mixed race, polyamrous, sex positive activists, and have worked for ourselves mostly, monetizing our passions so that we are mostly doing what we want most of the time.

I recognize that most people are not living their lives as we do. In part, it is because they may not have had our good fortune in some ways – good education, enough if not a lot of money, and reasonable intelligence. Or they never thought it was possible without unacceptable risk. But it may also be that some people, due to nature and/or nurture, simply don’t pair bond strongly. For them serial relationships or “solo polyamory” make more sense than long term relationships. I think it is important to try to understand and accept these people instead of marginalizing and disparaging them. Maybe some of them want to be fixed, but maybe many of them don’t think they are broken.