Jamie Catto is a musician, film maker, writer and activist.
“It’s not the cock’s job to get its man a sense of well-being, sexual prowess, pride or self-worth.”
I was looking at my penis today – applying some oil and care – and it struck me very sadly how much I have enslaved my cock and my sexuality in my life.
I have treated it as if its job was to deliver me certain things, things which are beyond its intended offering and function.
Using my cock to please women, ‘be a great lover’ and deliver lots of pleasure and satisfaction so I can feel sexually powerful (or even just adequate), is a form of enslavement of the cock…
..and I’ve been feeling some sadness and regret around that today. The pressure to ‘deliver’.”
Of course, beautiful, connected sex is not in the same realm, but the times I’ve used sex – either with a woman or by myself – to fill a gap, avoid loneliness, or to make me feel powerful, lovable or special.. that is not what my glorious cock was born for.
I want to apologize to my penis and all cocks of the world for the unconscious ways we have sent them on ‘missions’ they were never trained for.
Masculinity And Vulnerability
I’m treating my cock with much more care now. I’m no longer using it as a tool of unconsciousness, avoidance, and escape of emotional and ancestral wounding, or as a tool of compensation for the spaces and edges in my masculinity.
So a new journey of deeply respecting my cock in a much more aware and focused way begins.
The alternative to prostituting our penises to ‘fill the holes’ of our insecurities and emotional needs is to make a practice of investigating and fully feeling those energies of lack and need that live in us.
Sex can be an addictive way of burying those feelings, but the Modern Warrior is training himself to feel those aspects of himself – the ones he once used sexual connections to avoid.
He is training himself to cultivate a fascination with his neediness, loneliness, anxieties, and dis-empowerment, and feel them fully without giving his penis the job of anaesthetising the uncomfortable waves that are arising in his body in those moments.
When you are willing to fully feel the energies that erupt in your body without running to an addiction, or starting a fight, manipulating, or suppressing, you become more trustworthy and steadfast; someone who can be impacted and not collapse, be courageous and vulnerable and therefore, become a space where others feel totally safe to be with their own tender places too – which is the heart of intimacy.
This path creates the very intimacy and connection that we were wrongly charging our cocks to get for us.
Tools To Help You Honor Your Manhood
Here are a few extra loving practices to reconnect authentically with your penis:
An ancient healing practice is to sit naked and allow full sunlight to bathe your cock for ten minutes or more.
#2 Breath Work
For thousands of years in China, Taoists have made a practice of breathing their smiling energy and sexual energy into their organs (including the penis) and bones for health and longevity.
Inhale gratitude and friendliness all the way through and around your (or your partner’s) cock.
It is super nourishing and creates a more sensitive and familiar relationship with the penis.
One big step for me was to look at my penis and say sorry to it.
To acknowledge to myself how I’d been burdening it with responsibilities that didn’t belong to it, and then to tune in to it’s true gift or purpose, perhaps different for every man.
How often do we ‘check-in’ with the cock before volunteering it for action, either by ourselves or with another?
To listen to parts of our bodies is one of the first steps towards sustainable healing. The cock is no exception.
Does it carry any past residual energy from old experiences and partners? If you listen closely from a place of stillness you will know. Clearing any ghosts is another illuminating and liberating area to explore.
A New Path To Intimacy
True intimacy is not just with our lover or anyone external – it’s such a deep listening to the Self that the resulting presence and rootedness you emanate becomes an environment of permission and safety for everyone you are in relationship with.
If we don’t care for our fragile sexuality in this way, how can we ever be trusted with our boundaries? Won’t they always be at the mercy of the next ‘need’ that has to be fulfilled?
Safety in relationships, with ourselves and with others, comes from trust.
We will be able to manifest that kind of conscious environment within which we can thrive by dissolving the parts of our sexuality that we’ve enslaved.
So men (and women) will you join me in no longer enslaving our penises and vaginas to ‘get our needs met’ – to escape, fill gaps, prop us up, or ‘get’ us anything?
Can we love each other’s sexual parts with that respect and care too?
Let’s build a new culture of presence and no longer unconsciously prostitute our sexuality to fulfill roles and needs it wasn’t meant for. Let’s make love and sex a celebration of the moment.