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Fuck The Divine Feminine & Divine Masculine


About Me

Scott DeStephanis is a Men's Relationship Coach and Speaker who has over 7 years of experience in leading seminars, workshops and presentations internationally. Scott's goal is to impact and facilitate connection within relationships by teaching men how to communicate in a way that is true, honest and understood by their partner. His down-to earth manner coupled with his high degree of integrity with his teachings makes him an excellent and easy to understand expert. In his webpage you can learn more about him and download his free e-book: Put Passion In Your Partnership.

More than any sort of divinity what we as humans so desperately need is the freedom to be who we are, exactly the way we are, and to know that that is enough.

As I was scrolling through my Facebook feed the other day I couldn’t help but notice all these articles on men and women:

  • ‘6 Ways to Find a Conscious Man’ or
  • ‘What the Divine Feminine Wants’, ‘
  • What a Real Man Looks Like’,
  • ‘What an Awakened Man Wants in a Woman’

… and on and on and on.

All I could think to myself was what a bunch of bullshit!

Let me first start off by saying that I understand and support the concept of the divine masculine and feminine. I believe that they are useful models for relating to men and women.

I’ve participated in tantric workshops, studied under David Deida, read a number of spiritual texts, and have read a lot of books on masculinity and femininity.

I even had this concept as an integral theme for my wedding ceremony.

I fully get what it is for and about.

The Divine Masculine & Feminine In Real Life


The original concepts of The Divine Feminine and The Divine Masculine are these:

The Divine Feminine: is the creative essence, she is all about receiving and surrender, fully vibrant, a source of inspiration. She is the spark. Fully in her emotions and completely compassionate.

The Divine Masculine: is all about consciousness, providing structures and safety for the feminine, a builder and creator of things, providing focus and intention to fulfill desires and the wishes of others.

As human beings we are made up of both masculine and feminine dynamics.

More and more though I am finding that the model of the “Divine Feminine and Masculine” are idealistic and unrealistic for everyday life.

They are certainly useful. They are just not attainable on a sustainable level.

The Real Life Struggles Of The Divine Femininity


Women are becoming more and more empowered in their life and in order for them to be more effective they can’t operate in a place of “complete surrender and being able to receive” all the time.

Sometimes their positions in work or life require them to get more active, create structures and manage systems in order to be effective.

If a woman was only in her Divine Feminine she’d never get anything done that required structure, timelines or planning, even the ones she holds dear and close to her heart.

There’s already enough garbage out there about how women are not enough. We’ve done a great job of pushing women’s self esteem down if they don’t subscribe to an unattainable standard of beauty, do we really need to add a new way of being to the list of ways they don’t measure up?

Must Read: Top 10 Traits Of A Fully Empowered Woman

The Real Life Struggles Of The Divine Masculinity


As men we already subscribe to the belief that we need to have our shit together; always know what to do, be living our legacy and working our plan. This can hurt us by furthering many of the already existing stereotypes.

We as men have bought into this idea that we are supposed to be masculine, but also emotional with just the right amount of toughness, heart, enlightenment, compassion and ruthlessness needed to be the PERFECT actualized version of a man.

A man out of touch with his feminine side can never create something as inspiration is a source of feminine energy.

Furthermore, his life will lack purpose and creativity and any vibrancy.

Yet another impossible standard to try and attain and has men, good men (who may not measure up in some or all of these areas) left feeling and being perceived as ‘not enough’.

MUST READ: The Awakening Man {A Guide To Become A Conscious & Powerful Man}

Fuck Idealized Archetypes!


I have all the room in the world for what these words represent, and what they can allow for. But when they become the new standard to measure up to, that is where we should draw the line.

It is for that reason, and that reason alone, I say Fuck you to both of these archetypes.

These idealized models for behaviour have their uses but they have been overused and as a result are no different than photoshopped magazine covers creating unattainable standards that make us feel bad about ourselves when we don’t reach them.

I think the solution isn’t to try and identify with and be The Divine Masculine or Feminine.

That’s the standard we’ve been operating inside of and let’s face it… it hasn’t been working.

Instead we should allow ourselves to play in these aspects of the masculine and feminine, and see them as an opportunity and one possible way we can operate as humans that may offer us a new path to growth.

To me the ideal place is when we are free to be who we are and express ourselves fully without concern for appearing, less than what the ‘ideal’ is.

So please, let’s stop touting them as the next big revelation in relating and let’s understand that both those archetypes already exist in us and you will never fully embody them all of the time and that it is okay.

I think it would make a lot of us happier if we didn’t have the pressure of living up to a standard that has been socially and culturally imposed.

More than any sort of divinity what we as humans so desperately need is the freedom to be who we are, exactly the way we are, and to know that that is enough.

That to me is what is truly sacred and holy.

What are your thoughts on the conversation of Divine Masculine or Feminine? I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions in the comments below!

By Scott Destephanis | Featured Art By: Boris Vallejo | Art Inside Article By: Thomas Saliot

MUST READ: Why I Don’t Fuck Spiritual Guys

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7 years ago

I’m very early into my studies about the divine feminine and masculine. However, your description of what it means seems a little bit off base. The archtypes described here seem to be mixed with the confusion of patriarchical society (and structures) which is in fact not part of the divine archetype at all.

Red Witch 4Evah
Red Witch 4Evah
7 years ago

Artist for the main image (man and woman in galaxy) is Boris Vallejo “Reaching for the Stars”.

7 years ago

Thank you 🙂

7 years ago

You mentioned 5 other articles online that were “total bullshit”. Why is this any different in quality or substance???

Danielle Fletcher
Danielle Fletcher
7 years ago

I have to disagree with this as the truth about the masculine that we’re living with in this society… “We as men have bought into this idea that we are supposed to be masculine, but also emotional with just the right amount of toughness, heart, enlightenment, compassion and ruthlessness needed to be the PERFECT actualized version of a man.”

Perhaps the author is one of the exceptions, but I feel like we have a flurry of these articles about awakened men for the very reason that NO, the majority of men do NOT have the idea that they should/want to be all those things. The ‘traditional’ masculine man in this society is not about enlightenment or emotion, he is about maintaining the status quo. And the ‘traditional’ enlightened man in this society is not about masculinity and toughness, he is about compassion and heart.

The real issue is not about throwing out the idea of the Divine Masculine, but really about teaching the feminine not to squelch the masculine from a young age… allowing it to be rough and intense and protective, and also encouraging compassion and openness. We have a very black or white view in this society and we raise the masculine in that narrow view of judgmental black or whiteness… and yet the highest form of masculine is in the middle. I do NOT think that’s a common thought among men. I think that’s a common thought among awakened men.

7 years ago

Yes, perfect. I’ve been writing along the same lines. Glad to see us doing this (while swearing) together!

Jessica M. Brookes
Jessica M. Brookes
8 years ago

“More than any sort of divinity what we as humans so desperately need is the freedom to be who we are, exactly the way we are, and to know that that is enough.” I agree. And that’s a great personal affirmation. I also feel that there are some people who express themselves by creating unnecessary drama, unfulfilled commitments and are energetically draining. Do I honour myself by having them in my life? Consciously, I have to bow out and say no thank you.

falcon warrior
falcon warrior
7 years ago

Thank you for raising this point. Please do bow out and I hope one day you will return having been faced with all your judgement , when life has become so painful that you can no longer see the maya , all you can see is love and compassion , it has become too tiring to see a fellow sentient being as being over dramatic or draining or unreliable , all you see is the bigger picture of the struggle the human spirit goes through from birth untill death , the compassion , the love is all you feel . At that point you will not feel drained , a light will burn so bright in your heart …. Please untill then do bow out , run to the forest , do your thing , you are of no help in bringing in a new dawn , chances are we would be faced with sabotage from within , lynch mobs will be formed to protect the madness of the so called “godess” , only those who worship her the way she demands will be worthy of love , she will destroy anything that questions her supreme divinity and nobody will dare question . Enough with the new age taliban .

Joshua Seaman
Joshua Seaman
8 years ago

Google reverse image search tells me the paintings are by Thomas Sailot – https://www.thomassaliot.com/

8 years ago

What don’t you close your quotes?

Stella Mill
Stella Mill
8 years ago


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