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Sexy Consciously Awake Women: Who We Are, What We Want & Need From Men

Sexy-Consicous-MyTinySecrets

About Me

I am a lover of words and all things true. I am an awake women who will not be held down. I am here to do great things for what other reason is there to live and breathe.

When you are not dealing with Consciously Awake Women you are dealing with crazy bitches, women with emotional problems and severe insecurity issues.

I’d like to allow my vulnerability to shine through in this piece. It’s rare that I let down my guard, and speak from my heart and feminine essence.

My masculine has ruled for so long. But recently, I realized how hardened I’ve actually become.

Someone came into my life for a brief moment, blasted some serious perspective, and awoke the sleeping feminine in me.

So, here I sit today, ready to flip the script on what it means to show vulnerability. I’m here to show that vulnerability is neither weak nor cowardly. It requires immense courage and strength.

It’s my coming out party.

What The Heck Does It Mean To Be A Consciously Awake Woman

poynter_freewoman

For clarity’s sake: the term Consciously Awake might trip some of you up. “What the heck does that mean and why the hell is it so important?”

I’ll put this bluntly.

When you are not dealing with Consciously Awake Women you are dealing with crazy bitches, women with emotional problems and severe insecurity issues.

MUST-READ: 6 Things Consciously Awake Women Want From Sex

To The Men:

If you love drama and women who bathe in insecurity, you have no business reading this unless you’re ready for a change.

This post might trigger you. That’s okay. That’s growth.

To The Women:

This post might trigger you too. Being a Consciously Awake woman requires you to work through these triggers. It’s no one’s responsibility but your own. If you choose not to accept that, stop reading now.

But, if you, reader, male and female, want to grow into more awareness in your relationships and life, settle into your seat for the next ten minutes. I’m about to lay down some meaningful shit.

The choice is yours.

Before I take you too far down the rabbit hole, I want to be clear: EVERYONE has issues. Men. Women. The difference lies in self-awareness.

Yes, Consciously Awake means Self-Aware. It is the complete antithesis of self-conscious.

Unfortunately, whether the cause was childhood trauma, sexual abuse, or mommy and daddy didn’t teach much about self-respect/worth, most women start out a little “off.”

The tough reality is that all women have to navigate these waters until they personally decide how they want to view themselves. And often, we see this result in unconscious self-hate.

Bad decisions. Unhealthy relationships. Insecurities. Doubt. Self-deprecation. Comparison.

These are self-hate manifestations.

At 23-years old, my romantic life was tripping me up. I was choosing men who were ambitious and driven. The downside is they were complete pricks. I liked men that were wicked smart. It’s a shame that some of those fools were too wicked for their own well being.

Then I met Adam. Adam and I clicked. Conversation was endless. There were no topics left untouched. What a relief that was.

Adam was a Consciously Awake man, the first I had ever encountered in my life. His self-awareness opened my own world to an expansion of my self. The part of me I had been craving for an eternity.

MUST-READ: 5 Signs You’ve Found An Evolved Man & Why Your Should Be Scared Sh*tless

Deep-seeded issues started arising. I had no idea how much my past was playing itself out in my present.

Fortunately, the one thing I had gotten right (and didn’t fuck around with) was my outright refusal to compromise on my standards of living. So, instead of running, I dived in to examine and process the stuff I’d buried for so long.

My desire to wake up was bigger than my desire to stay unconscious. I went to war with my demons and did the work to become a more Consciously Awake human being.

Choosing awareness was brutal. Real examination of self and vulnerability requires courage, discipline and immense strength. It’s tough to understand until you’re sinking in piles of your own shit and you have to figure a way out before it suffocates you.

But once you’re out… you’re free.

MUST-READ: 8 Ways To Awaken The Sexy Goddess Within

Consciously Awake Women Are Not Your Average Woman

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Consciously Awake Women choose growth and evolution of self.

We take pride in our personal development. We dive into the fires of our souls, emotional triggers, past wounds, flaws, mistakes, or pain. We aren’t afraid of therapy or coaching. We don’t allow fear to make decisions for us.

We care about our health, attitude, style, and connections. We value communication. We are reasonable (even when we’re pissed off). We admit when we are wrong. We are willing to talk things out once the dust has settled.

We’re beautiful but not flawless. We’re aware but not egotistical. We slip from time to time. We own what’s ours. We let you own what’s yours. We’re healthy and sane. We get crazy and party. We work through our shadows.

We, Consciously Awake Women, are relationship material. We are the kind of women men want.

Here’s the truth you might now know or realize. And it’s the truth of many other women as well.

Men… WE NEED YOU

edwardpoynter1

All this “we don’t need you” crap is a big fucking lie.

The problem is a lot of you are lame, unreliable, emotionally stunted, and impossible to date.

The idea that the vast majority of men are cavemen has validity. And it’s hard to need (and want) a caveman with no purpose and no ability to communicate to us as women.

We need men, not boys.

Ever since the Women’s Liberation movement, women have been vying for the respect and equality we deserve. Women have only begun to fully understand how the over-arching male ego of our greater reality and history has fractured our femininity.

The women’s movement made women more masculine. If women wanted to play with the “big boys” we had to play a man’s game. We had to armor up. We turned to masculinity for strength so that we could reasonably compete in a man’s world, leaving us hardened, bitter, and aggressive bitches who have little to no faith left in the emotional maturity or acknowledgement of men.

And guys… we’re really fucking tired of fighting for the right to be seen and honored for the magnitude of what and who we are.

We want you to take your blinders off. We want you to actually treat women the way you would want men to treat your moms, sisters, and daughters.

MUST-READ: 6 Things An Evolved Woman Want From A Man

We’re done fighting. You either get it or you don’t.

So, today, on behalf of all women, I am taking off the armor and the boxing gloves.

We no longer need to self protect to be strong. We are STRONG.

We are not afraid to feel. We are emotional beings. We can be hurt and it is okay. We don’t require a man to be responsible for our emotions.

We want a man that can handle all of us, emotionally mature men who don’t run away at the sight of our essence.

We have evolved through enormous effort and courage to confront the tumultuous waters of our own emotional landscape and conditioning.

We are not entitled or self-righteous. We are confident and loving. We love ourselves first.

We are not selfish. We have boundaries. We trust our intuition.

And we have no time for emotionally counterfeit men.

MUST-READ: She- The Sexually Empowered Woman

The Difference Between Men and Boys To A Consciously Awake Woman

poynter_freewoman1

There is nothing un-sexier to a Consciously Awake woman than a guy who is still being potty trained emotionally. These men are not men. They’re boys.

And to the women who are still toying with these boys, you can make better choices. It’s time to demand these men step up and initiate into manhood.

There is a big difference between a MAN who can harness his boy spirit, and be playful, loving, funny, and obnoxious, and a man who has the emotional intelligence of a teenage boy.

3 Signs A Man Is Still Potty Training Emotionally

  1. He’s never explored his emotional landscape or done inner personal work, gone through extensive therapy or personal and emotional coaching.
  2. He doesn’t own his shit. He expects others to deal with his emotional issues, triggers, unresolved childhood stuff or dysfunctional family imprinting.
  3. He’s insecure and projects his fear and emotional wounds onto you, but tries to spin it like you’re the one with issues.
Emotionally stunted men are an epidemic in our culture. A lot of these emotionally stunted guys have awesome personalities. The real problem is that they’re cool in every way except for how they choose to deal with their emotions.

All women get caught up with these types at one stage or another until they wise up.

Why? Because we aren’t living in a culture where the emotional intelligence of men is predominantly great, and it often takes time for people to see others as they actually are.

A lot of women are so starved for connection that they begin making excuses. They get roped into multi-yearlong love affairs when WARNING SIGNS have been flashing the entire time.

Ladies! Stop falling for a guy’s potential. Too many women want to be with the idea of who a man is. They sacrifice deep emotional intimacy and choose good looks and hot sex, then complain once the relationship fails.

If he has major emotional issues (like the ones I highlighted), you will be babysitting, playing mommy, and living with a headache larger than life.

That is unless he is willing to work his shit out on his own without you nagging him to do so. The desire must come from within, not from you.

It’s time we choose men who value growth. We will no longer subscribe to one-sided relationship. These leave us bitter, resentful and unfulfilled.

We’ve been down that road too many times already. We aren’t looking for disappointment. We are looking for someone who stands out.

We want men who challenge us to grow.

MUST-READ: 6 Things An Evolved Man Wants From A Woman

I Didn’t Come Here To Stay The Same. Did You?

poynter_freewoman2

It’s a choice we must make daily. It’s scary. We must confront it.

We can choose fear – or we can choose the life we crave and wish to experience.

We are not asking for perfection, but our standards remain high.

XO, Kelly Marceau

Artist Featured Image: Edward John Pointer | Edited By Samuel Hershberger

VIDEO: “WHY I LOVE SEX”

Editor’s Note: If you want to read more epic articles like this follow MyTinySecrets on FACEBOOK

RELATED:

Why Consciously Awake Women Are ‘Cunts’

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Share Your Thoughts

  • Charles Bynum

    Curtis, you are absolutely correct. This article, written as it was from the feminine perspective, fails to note that women capable of this behavior (honest introspection, the ability to own responsibility for their feelings and stop blaming you, etc.) are as rare as men who can do this. I dated hundreds of women over many years before I found one who had these abilities. My average length of a relationship, if you can call it that, was ten days. Unhealthy women will demonstrate their illness early on in a relationship. We men either think we can heal them, or we see the good in them and think if we love them enough, long enough, that the good in them will find fertile soil and will grow–bullshit. A weed is a weed no matter the garden in which it is planted. It is far easier to pull a weed early while the roots are small than it is to wait till that tap root embeds itself in your heart. I learned that anyone can be good when it suits them–even the most evil amongst us can do that. The true measure of a person’s character is not how good they CAN be; it is how bad they are willing to be. Good people do not allow themselves to be intentionally hurtful. If you are with a woman who will do things like use anger as an excuse to say things she knows to be hurtful to you, dump her. You’ve learned all you need to know about her. If you date a woman who says it’s your fault she’s treating you badly, dump her. Again, you’ve learned all you need to know. Besides, you deserve a woman who is healthy and takes responsibility for keeping herself that way. why spend your life with someone who is broken? Let her fix herself, because she will try to make you responsible for her emotional stability, and that is a losing proposition. Don’t hand on. Don’t make excuses for her. The more time you spend with unhealthy women, the less likely you are to meet that healthy one. Relationships with healthy people (assuming you are healthy) are easy. Anyone who tells you relationships are hare is likely not well. Cheers!

  • Curtis Mullin

    I found it didn’t go into that much detail. Then the article abruptly ended on “Why I Love Sex” video link to YouTube.

    Articles like this I can never believe that it’s even true that a woman wrote it (bad grammar). I see articles like this everywhere and I can’t seem to find a single woman who subscribes to this kind of maturity and awareness. I would love to meet a woman I can talk with to my hearts’ desire, who loves sex and isn’t afraid of a little male emotion from time to time, including crying on their shoulders when we are particularly crushed because we care so much (well, I do anyways). So far I have not found this anywhere in anyone, and I have dated dozens women. Alas, I am much more choosy and critical now than 10 or even 20 years ago – and rightly so. The next woman I want to meet must be founded in the oceans of love and in the bright light of self-awareness, honesty, and while desire to grow all together and to cherish the daily stories of our lives. Please god send me one, if she’s not the one I have found and have been waiting for (3 years of longing for – MY – redheaded Viking Queen).

    I am loyal to a fault. I love hard and I love raw. Do apologize for my superpower.

  • Brenna

    “When you are not dealing with Consciously Awake Women you are dealing with crazy bitches, women with emotional problems and severe insecurity issues.” I’m all aboard the sex-positive tenet, but nothing is black-and-white. It’s a popular stereotype to portray women (yourself), as being in touch with feelings and naturally good at communicating them. That idea, however, has a harmful corollary: When women are overcome with emotions, they are incapable of making decisions and thus: we are crazy. This needs to stop. I’ve enjoyed some of these articles, but I feel it doesn’t feed awareness, it feeds into stereotypes that are hurtful to women who want to feel empowered. Let’s lift each other up and out of hurtful investiture.

  • Michael

    Well written, full of great points. It’s not hard to see the places where I’m hung up, and how that hurts my wife. That being said…there’s something in this that feels off.

    I guess it comes down to this. The idea that there is a class of ‘consciously awake women’ that all have the same fundamental needs conflicts with my direct experience of existence. Rather, I propose that all humans are consciously awake, to some degree. It is a gradient. The idea that it’s some kind of plateau which imbues a shared set of needs and experiences is, in my understanding, very dangerous.

    Some consciously awake women exist as catalysts, and very much enjoy spending time with many different men who they help to find the next rung. Some consciously awake women aren’t interested in men at all. Some are interested in women. Some are celibate and focused on other aspects of existence.

    I can’t fault most of the things asked for, but I wonder how useful it is, and how it furthers consciousness and wakefulness, to generalize about anything at all. Moreover, there’s a real danger of using this kind of generalization to support a ‘True Scotsman’ fallacy, and decide that Ms. Soandso isn’t a consciously awake woman because she doesn’t share this need, or this quality. In other words, I can hear what the author wants. I understand what the author needs. I can recognize the truth underlying the author’s frustrations. I cannot, however, jump behind the idea that the author gets to define what a consciously awake woman looks like by projecting her wants and needs outward.

    Kelly…you are conscious, and awake. So are all of the men, and all of the women, to some degree…to the degree which they are able to be in that moment. That’s the important take away…forget trying to change men…men change. Forget trying to change yourself…you’ll change. Be here now, and let your partner learn in whatever way they need to to be here now. Generalizations are unnecessary.

    And yet…it created a conversation, and do enjoy those, so thank you. <3

  • Depends.

    Neccesary for what?

    Relationships force us to compromise and work together intimately and to do our personal work that we can ignore and pretend doesnt exist in every other social medium.

    Its neccesary to engage in deep intimacy with other human beings for us to develop spiritually past a certain point unless we replace the human with hundreds of hours of dedicated spiritual practice and even then… usually that can only go so far as its purely selfish in nature.

    Most things that we do are.

    There are some gifts and spiritual dynamics that can not be engaged in any other way.

    so yes need is a strong word but I believe that deep, honest and challenging relationships are neccessary (need) for us to evolve in some specific ways that cannot be supplemented with porn, food, family, success, stability or anything else.

    But this is my need, to evolve, not everyone wants to evolve. Some people want to validate who they think they are and stay the same and in this manner never have to admit they could possibly make a mistake 😉

  • Thank you.
    This is one of the BEST articles I have ever read.
    No blame game or shifting of responsibilities and you lay out the reasons and methods as well (roughly) so that people can come to terms. I think that every man and woman should read this at least once and probably once a day for most until it sinks in and becomes common sense.

    “Common sense: So rare these days its like a super power”
    As such you are indeed superhuman.

    Thank you.
    <3

  • Well scripted I really agree with much of what is said. The only thing is it’s comes across a bit angry in places. I think if some of the messages were put out in blunt point form way – without too much thought. Whereas others where she glorifies redeemable qualities in men – this is where one wants to be rather “Bold” and elaborate in context. As its key highlight the outcome you are promoting! Nicky Khan

  • Ella

    wow Thank you for this piece I’m one off this awake woman for many easy I that I’m from different planet then I realized that women they lost themselves they lost the elegance the self estimation etc.

  • Stacy W

    We speak a common emotionally fired-up, passionate language! Thanks for being you! I love it!

  • Really really enjoyed reading this; kind of words well where my own conclusions lead about where we all are emotionally right now and that its time for less bullshit from men and a lot more growing up. Right now it mostly is women leading the way.

  • Soozee Wyld

    DEEP SEATED ….. please please please …. when in doubt use google !!!!!!

  • Cyril Sansano

    Great article — you could start a dating website for “Consciously Awake Single”… 🙂

  • Nice read. Now we’re getting somewhere.

    Heron Free
    http://www.therelationshipcode.com

  • Seth Avergon

    Wonderfully written. Great insight. Thank you.

  • Cristina Vilcan

    I absolutely love all your work! This article was eye-opening! Thank you for sharing from your experience, i appreciate it. Sending much love and light!

  • Anna Suvorova

    Great work,beloved. keep shining.

  • bernie reilly

    teach your daughters to be far more choosy re men- TEST them beforehand in all areas to see how they react- happy , sad, angry, depressed- pushed to see how they deal with it BEFORE give of yourself – – then you will find there are lots of us great guys, who will build you up, help improve your own self image and take care of yourself FIRST. You do not need men- 4 sure- but the right one – – I had been married twice before I met my wife- both were the worst destructive women on the planet, then this one and we have had 26 years of bliss- best friend, great sex, great partnership – CHOOSE BETTER LADIES – don’t blame some moron you should have never given the time of day to – Think better of yourself. ( I love all women- strong women – I teach Tae Kwon Do to women- gives you similar benefits) TEST THEM 1st!!!!!!!

  • The quest for psychodynamic awareness is one currently on the minds of a tiny minority of the global population, namely educated, intelligent, Western women and men. At least 2 billion of the world’s population struggle without electricity or easy access to clean water. In half the world’s nations, gender equality is centuries away from acceptance as even a legitimate concept and women’s lives are lived in subjugation to entrenched, state supported male supremacy. Hundreds of millions of females have their genitals mutilated each year, robbing them of a vital human right….the right to experience sexual pleasure & the myriad benefits of orgasm. With the above in mind, it’s still legitimate for those in the fortunate position to do so, to optimise oneself as a human being, including having therapy to gain an understanding of who we are & what has shaped our personality and our relationship with ourselves and each other. There are over 300 named schools of psychotherapy claiming to have the answer. My advice, look for a therapist whose credentials are warmth, honesty, sincerity & genuineness first and a practical, respectful, eclectic approach, second. There is much to gain personally from conscious awareness but keep in mind how much assistance half the women in the world desperately need to survive, to be freed and to thrive at the most basic levels.

    • Debrah Armstrong

      Thanks for reminder…..I am a bit late, I know !

  • Beverley Drumm

    “We want a man that can handle all of us, emotionally mature men who don’t run away at the sight of our essence.
    We have evolved through enormous effort and courage to confront the tumultuous waters of our own emotional landscape and conditioning.”
    This really resonates with me. I’ve dedicated my life to awakening sexually & spiritually as woman (and coaching others through this process) and the more I’ve awakened, the more inclined the men I’ve been in relationship with seem to be to RUN! As in, literally, wake up one morning and go with out any explanation!
    I have been through hell and high water to explore and heal my inner landscape – it’s part of what I commit to every day. But I have found, to-date, the men I meet are simply unable to match that and are, as you say further on in your article, emotionally illiterate.
    That said, when the happens, I always look first to what is going on within me, as I absolutely believe that one’s outer world reflects one’s inner world.
    So I have, for example, recently, found a part of me that hated and was disgusted by men and I didn’t like to admit it, but I understood how the energy of this unresolved anger would keep the right men away from me.
    I love the way you write – you are incredibly eloquent and entertaining, and you do address a vital issue – i.e. the need for many men to cultivate self-awareness and emotional intelligence, but I do also feel a very angry tone in your writing, which I imagine would be alienating to many guys.

    • Leibfarce

      In short: Your crazy is yours to deal with. That’s why they run.

  • I wish to speak to all the Women of and for the World,

    I wish to speak to all the Women of and for the World, thank you for
    this great opportunity and its such an honor to have your attention. I
    have always had a great reverence for women, I never could understand
    how they have been so abused by men. Fortunately, I live in a mostly
    latino, clown/ artist eco community in the Andes, surrounded by
    powerful, sweet, loving women and good men as well.. A world without
    women…can you imagine how barren, bleak, and cold that would be, even
    if it meant that us men would probably have a lot less problems to deal
    with :).

    All that is sweet in the world seems to be contained in
    each and every woman. Of course, I have found that as sweet as she can
    be, is exactly equal to the power of her fury, if she should be provoked
    in such a way as to cause her to erupt into a storm or a tsunami. So, I
    am always careful to be conscious, real, and loving when I enjoy their
    presences. And here I am today, alive today, which is a testament to the
    veracity of my words.

    But please don’t think that I put women
    on a pedestal. I don’t wish for you to have that impression. I know that
    that is false. It is one thing to love, admire, and respect someone,
    but in reality we need to be on an equal footing. Because with all the
    wondrous qualities a woman might possess, in the end, they are just as
    human as the rest of us, or maybe I should say, just as “divine” as the
    rest of us, gods and goddesses.

    Fortunately, I have had the
    benefit of some lovely “goddesses” to enlighten me in the ways of women,
    so that I know what not to do, i.e. never to offer to “fix” whatever it
    is that is bothering her, as well as what to do, i.e. empathize,
    empathize, empathize. And if i should have the good fortune to have a
    woman that is willing to open her heart to me, I know that she simply
    needs to be authentically loved all the time and never taken for granted
    (that would be tantamount to suicide, or maybe even murder).

    There
    are many other things that men are guilty of with regards to women,
    sexism is ubiquitous, even with guys like myself, supposedly conscious
    and alternative, we can make a joke which objectifies the female body
    and when the woman is appalled, simply say, ” oh please, lighten up, it
    was just a joke” and never see how hurtful the words can be.

    Patriarchism is another horror that women have had to endure, which in my mind is a
    form of arrogance that comes from the ludicrous assumption that men know
    more than women, that women are weak. Really, it seems that all the
    negative things that women have had to experience at the hands of men
    come from the fact that men in general, are unable to assimilate the
    powerful sexual energy that women embody and hence we have the double
    standard where men can be as sexual as they can, while women are
    supposed to be the opposite.

    If we are ever to achieve peace,
    respect, and love between the sexes, men must assume their true role,
    which might be that of a “master servant”. That is, to be a protector,
    never to allow violence or injustice, to demonstrate love in as many
    forms as possible, just as women seem to be all about love and
    nurturing, men also need to be about giving love, like a master, giving
    love effectively, effusively, graciously, and continuously.

    I
    would like to live in a world where love is everywhere, without any
    shame or guilt, because it would be genuine and authentic, person to
    person, not just body to body. (Sex without love is kind of like a
    MacDonald’s cheeseburger, it might taste good to someone who has never
    experience real food, but it leaves a bad after taste, and is bad for
    the soul and body.) And where there is real love and attraction, sex
    would be plentiful and available as it is a very important human need,
    and should never need to be commercialized, which seems to be the case
    ever since syphilization began.

    Of course, all women need and deserve love and respect. Men have been
    using the vagina as an escape, a place to hide from the visicisitudes,
    pain, and injustices of our current paradigm, instead of a place to
    share in the orgasmic love that created the Universe, as we know it, the
    “big bang”.

    In a world without women, I am
    sure love could exist, but just the fact that our world has both sexes,
    makes for the possibility of an ecstatic form of love that takes our
    existence to a higher dimension, another realm, to a fuller realization,
    analogous perhaps, to the fact that our
    world with all of its sounds has made it possible for us to create and
    enjoy music, that having the gift of sight allows us to enjoy the
    feeling of beauty and to create art, and because of the pragmatic qualitiy of discernment
    that our minds are capable of we have developed humor and the joy of
    laughter.

    We can imagine that animals have sex, but are
    incapable of “love” as we know it and only operate on an “instinctual”
    level. So, even though we have lost much of our naturalness and wildness
    under the yolk of capitalism and the patriarchal hierarchies that we
    tolerate, that have usurped our freedom, joy, and dignity, we can regain it,
    when “love” is
    manifest in all that we do. And therefore ladies, I thank you from the
    infinite depths of my heart for the
    shining examples and possibilities of love that you bring to our world.

    • bill

      my god you are a white knight…

    • James

      very well written, i’d say animals definitely do love each other, and that we are animals first and foremost. all this enlightenment talk is kinda ridiculous, but good in the same way a christian takes pride in christianity, or a happy person “knows” happiness

  • Michael ‘Brett’ Baker

    & to go deeper into the WORK & core of The Dilemma 😉 >>>> http://revocations.galactichistorian.com/index.php/browse-contracts/

  • William Sexton

    Great words, being a single father of three girls has opened my heart and the emotional fallout was hard to adjust too but after some years of some inner searching and self reflection of my life I found an emotional groove. Being a Marine Corps veteran, I was not very in touch with my emotions. I could switch my emotions of at any second and was quite good at it, much to my ex wife’s chagrin, and it served me well for some time… while I was in the military, but that doesn’t work well in the civilian world or in any real relationship I desired to attain. The trigger for me was the understanding that my daughter’s only example of how a man should act and treat women was the example I made, and that scared the shit out of me. That was when I decided to truly become a gentle man, because the only man worth my daughter’s attention is a gentleman. With that decision to change it opened the flood gates to emotional growth and changed me inside and out. I’m still not to the point I want to get past but I work daily on bettering myself and it’s because I want to for myself now and no other reason.
    Thanks for the great insight and for sharing with us something that is so personal.

  • ThenAtlasSpoke

    “Woman Blames Men For Her Problems/Unhappiness/Bitterness”

    …shocker! Yawn.

    • Obviously you didnt read the article.

      You could learn a lot if you didnt realize that you already knew everything. …

  • Paul Pitts

    It takes 2 to tango… I’ve just been untangled from a relationship with an ‘awakened woman’. Tho I’m no guru, I did try to communicate throughout. What I found in the end was that I was led on with a lot of lies. I was told of unfathomable and permanent love that would never fade. After dumping my heart and soul fully and without reservation into this bond, what I found was that she is what’s known as a Covetous psychopath. I don’t say this out of bitterness, for I understand the ‘problems’ her past has created. But, in all honesty, she created all the past that caused the problems. I tried to love her unconditionally, meet all of her physical and material needs, but, she was in need of much more. She suffers from a mental/emotional/spiritual pain that I couldn’t touch. Giving her a new car, appliances and caring deeply for her children only complicated matters. It made her feel somehow less and she accused me of buying her love. I was under the belief of what she’d told me, that the love was already there between us. I was simply trying to keep stress out of her life. But, some damage is so deep, it can’t be healed by all the material, the physical snuggling, the emotional connecting, mental common ground and counseling in the world. Some damage is life long and the only possibility of healing is thru lonely communion with the universal omnipotence. The longer that’s distracted by puedo, quick fix relationships, the less chance for happiness. So guys, it’s not always that we’re immature, emotionally disconnected or non-committal. Sometimes, it’s just that no matter how good the other looks, they may be able to maintain for a short while, but, the damage will eventually surface. And ladies, that goes both ways…It takes two to tango…

    • Obviously she wasnt a consciously awake woman and it seems you didnt read the article if you compare your ex with the type of woman this article is referencing.

      You might learn something from this if you took the time to understand what it says.

      Dont play pity party. Its unbecoming. Man up.

  • richard

    Ever wonder why you never see articles like this where men are telling women how they expect them to be?

    • Bicyclebabe

      I don’t wonder. I see them all the time. http://www.wikihow.com/Keep-a-Man-Interested . They are in every magazine that a woman reads. If you google “how to please a man” “how to keep a man” “what men want….” you will get thousands of articles.

    • No men just make demands or become violent or threaten to leave or cheat.

      Read the article before you speak again.

  • Darren Lee Wheeler

    cool article and I’d say very spot on and yes… I’m a guy lol

  • Julia Delaney

    I discovered that I was part of holding my man in trauma – because I was playing the mmmmm do I want you or do I just hang until some one else comes along – and dumping my insecurities on him . . . which of course has detrimental effect! When I owned up to myself and chose to be with him securely he opened up like a flower! We are the ground, we hold space for men – it is time to recognise their gentleness.

  • Jojo Ban

    It’s so hard to trust any man though. So many just have no control over their emotions. It’s like no emotional response, no emotional response, no emotional response and then BANG! a volcano goes off. And anything can happen when that volcano goes off including violence 🙁
    And you think a guys good and honestly sometimes it feels like there’s no red flags but shit can appear years down the track. And then it’s like oh my gosh I’ve put so much time into this. And you can see from some of the comments below that some men are never going to be interested in learning their emotions. So what can I do?

    • Dont worry about the possible issues a man has, respond intelligently and confidently to the ones he actually engages with you. Makes it a lot less of a guessing game and allows you to enjoy your time together fully.

  • delilah

    It’s a good article and a lot of it resonates with me, however, I think that to be Consciously Awake you need to be fine with yourself and on your own, without “needing” someone in your life, which i see very different from wanting someone else to be part of your life.
    I also firmly believe it goes for both sexes. In a way the author says that, but i guess she’s a straight woman talking about her experience.

    • Yes and no.

      Im fine by myself and I do need a woman / partner in my life. we are ultimate;y social being and incomplete without deep comradeship, doesnt mean I cant be fine without it, does mean that I will not be potentiated without it.

  • Jerrome Deal

    I had a worked with a woman who was a consciously awake woman. She has so much love for her husband. In her words she said she was a woman of power. In her sharing about her personal life, she shared that a woman of power wants a man on the same level. She inspired me, beyond belief with her perspective. I will always respectfully love her for that. This article reminded me of her so much. She helped me become more selective in a partner. And reflected a mirror as to what I was creating in relationships, with love. So I could stop the blame game, and really love myself or a woman through there emotions. I don’t have to fix anything. I can love it all. Now I just give women 1 strike because I love myself so much more. My level of self respect has risen. I admit until recently it was three strikes. If you are in partnership with someone and they have baggage, and they aren’t actively doing the work too be happy. Well your decision is up too you. But I have experienced I can’t save anyone, from themselves.

  • Teresa Palerm

    Hello,
    Do you happen to have the info of the painting’s crops in the article?
    I would love to know them.

  • Good article, but..
    It would help a lot if we stopped looking at each others as genders and more as souls. Right?

    • delilah

      That’s the exact feeling I had throughout the article, although i would call it people rather than souls.

    • It seems to me that the point is for us to look at each other period.

      What we call what we experience is kind of besides the point.

  • I guess this is a decent article, but as a “aware” woman, i almost have to agree on the men on this one… the author uses very accusatory language- making men seem like they fall into two categories, man and boy. Thats not true, just as its not true for women. Everyone has different stages, everyone is sculpted by thier environmental surroundings. The women who are consistently “insecure, bitchy and emotional” as it is put, are generally shaped to believe something as they see it in the MEDIa. Men who are seen as “pricks, jerks, shallow, etc.” are also shaped by the media of all types. What we need is to teach media literacy and social awareness- to understand the paradigm in which we live and how to step out of it to see who we are for who we are and not products of our environment. It seems to me the author is going through this epiphany after being a media robot and thinking we all need this light shed. Ia gree with the guy about South America and Eastern European woman. He gets it. Some other countries don’t value the same as we do- materialism, outer beauty, etc. Their lives may not be necessarily better, but at least they lack the controlling hand of the media.

    To be self aware you need to release the outside world around you to understand what is in you. it has nothign to do with men vs. women, etc.

    • Mercurious

      I don’t believe you should callously throw people aside because they aren’t at a *perceived* stage of maturity that suits you either, or you will fall into arrogance and a foolish pursuit of the abstract ideal, leaving a trail of wounded behind you.

  • Byronic Supersonic – Male

    I recently started latin dancing, it is a great way for a man to step into your masculinity and for a woman to allow her femininity, no matter how the balance is outside of the dance the dance allows you to experience it in a full Man embracing the lead and Woman being led whilst the man creates a space for her to embracing beauty, expression and grace. It is challenging, sensual and beautiful, it helps breaks through boundaries fast. The man has to get past his insecurities, learn the steps, own it and be confident, make her feel save and let her flow, the woman follows. When one or both parties are learning they can help each other by being forgiving, encouraging, it is common in a dance to dance with other partners(which could be similar to finding certain needs met by friends or others) until your partner becomes more experienced with this. Anyway give it a try guys and ladies, Kizomba, Zouk, Salsa embrace or explore your masculinity or femininity for a brief moment within the fun foundation of dance.

  • Anoka Shiva

    Women awakening to their full feminine – at all levels. Marvelous article !!

  • Alex

    So you woke up during a relationship with a man that was consciously awake. And you say that women shouldn’t get into relationships with man that are not yet awaken. Don’t you think this works both ways? He woke you, you wake me, I wake her… “If we work together we both (all) own it.”

    • I think that its fine to get into a relationship with someone who is still working out there stuff. Just dont complain about it if you get abused emotionally or in other ways and have the self love to know when to move on.

      If you decide that you are in this to the end with this person then great! You are dedicated and eventually you will work things out and they will mature and you will mature and you will (ideally) have a stronger relationship for it because you were there through the difficult times and didnt just show up for the big prize at the end maybe.

  • concerned

    If you advise women to stop having relationships with immature emotionally stunted men (which is probably like 85% of the gender) how will they ever learn and grow enough to become more? For sure, there’s a lot of things men can work on by themselves, but certain things are only learned in relationships.

    • Friendships between those who are attracted to each other exposes triggers, allowing man & woman to work through their pain & paradox.

  • Gabriel Prince

    Women Need Men? Tell that to the women (feminists especially) who’ve said the opposite for 50 years now. The difference is that men ARE listening to them now. Now many men and women are experiencing separate, but equal misery.

    • Jojo Ban

      I don’t believe anyone should ever “need” anyone. Like you need to breathe, eat, sleep. But you shouldn’t need anyone. When you feel you need someone you feel as though your survival is dependant on them which will always create resentment as deep down we all desire freedom. You may however want someone. And let’s be honest a lot of the men these days who are “sick” of modern women are just angry that women can now actually speak back and have their own lives instead of being little servants to men.

      • Phoboskibbity M’Goo

        i see things differently… many of us do need another, human beings are social creatures, meant to live together,love together, make babies all that evolution and biology stuff. but i think the catch is that we need the “right” person for the “right” reasons…we need consciously aware people. as a guy i am done with the not aware types of the female persuasion… i need a woman who is bad ass.. basically i tell my guy friends ” the kind of woman you need is a woman that you can survive a zombie holocaust with” and its basically true. consciously aware people, have relationships full of immense passions, adventure, action and romance, with periods of quite just existing together.life is very often very very shitty its ideal that you have someone there for you through thick and thin, emotionally stunted people will never attain this…

  • Luca Lucakiss Calabrese

    Can i still open the door for you, or will you punch me in the face?

    • michelle

      Your response indicates that you missed the entire point.

  • AR

    My goodness the emotionally potty trained part is so on point as well as the smart men who are pricks. Esp males in the west or cultures that are being influenced by it. Both genders needs each other but there has to be a lot worked through it seems for certain groups.

  • Ian Ellis

    Nailed it!

    “He’s never explored his emotional landscape or done inner personal
    work, gone through extensive therapy or personal and emotional coaching.
    He doesn’t own his shit. He expects others to deal with his
    emotional issues, triggers, unresolved childhood stuff or dysfunctional
    family imprinting.
    He’s insecure and projects his fear and emotional wounds onto you, but tries to spin it like you’re the one with issues.”

    that piece is so applicable to both sexes. It’s beautiful when two people can be mirrors for one another, own their own shit, yet also hold space for another, if they are willing to do their work.

    Thank you for writing this article love.

  • nickbrit

    Blah blah blah……..
    The smart guys have moved on from the masculine American feminist.
    Go to a Eastern Europe, South America or Asia to find “naturally” conscious women.
    They know how to be both strong and feminine instinctively .
    American bitches are too busy competing with their men, to have a romantic relationship with them.
    And there just not smart enough to see that until they grow old and lonely…..

    • Jojo Ban

      You’re amusing if you think that’s what you’ll get from women in those cultures. Having lived and travelled around the world I’ll let you know that eastern women tend to be a lot more cleverer and cunning if required then western. I always joke about dropping my western friends into an eastern country and making a tv show about it because the dynamics are so different. I don’t know who started this eastern women trend. It’s not based in reality. I’m not saying it’s not good. Everything has it’s place. But western women are definitely more straight forward and down to earth. #generalisations but I’ve seen it plenty of times. Both are good at times.

    • Sheila Varga

      I’m American born of Eastern European descent and I agree with being “natural.” Although, in all fairness, I think that being raised in a culture where you’re grateful to have food on your table and warmth in your home during winter teaches you to appreciate anything (and everything) you get in life. That means, when we find a man who treats us well, we hold back nothing to show our feminine (and loving nature). I hear a lot of American men complain that their wives stop having sex as soon as children are born. I’m one who didn’t have this problem and it’s not OK to use that as an excuse. Sex is an important way to stay connected with your partner, even if you’re not “in the mood” (sometimes, your love and appreciation for your partner should be enough to get over the lazy attitude). Men: if you find a sexually liberated woman who can love you unconditionally, don’t assume she’s a slut and pass for the stuck-up prude who culture has conditioned you to think is “wife material.” There are good women who love sex and are faithful to their man.

    • Another bitter know it all who didnt read the article (except for the title) and had to say something nasty

  • nickbrit

    Blah blah blah……..
    The smart guys have moved on from the masculine American feminist.
    Go to a Eastern Europe, South America or Asia to find “naturally” conscious women.
    They know how to be both strong and feminine instinctively .
    American bitches are too busy competing with their men, to have a romantic relationship with them.
    And there just not smart enough to see that until they grow old and lonely…..

  • Blake Boustead

    Thanks for expressing yourself. I have lots of room for that. Especially when, beneath the frustration I so clearly sense a desire to give so much love.

    I would have liked to have read a bit more about how you need us men. You offered a sentence but the rest of your longing lay implied, like a slip of erotic underwear peeking from beneath your priestess garb. I just wanted to read more of the sweet juicy stuff, that’s all.

    Thank you for the encouragement.

  • Chris

    You have some solid and valid points….but you do some serious finger pointing here. You said you wanted to take the gloves of masculinity off and embrace your feminine essence….well I don’t see much of that here….seems like you just put your guard up even more. These 2 statements are extremely disrespectful to all boys and men

    1.There is nothing un-sexier to a Consciously Awake woman than a guy who is still being potty trained emotionally. These men are not men. They’re boys.

    2.And to the women who are still toying with these boys, you can make better choices. It’s time to demand these men step up and initiate into manhood.

    As a MAN, I respect a girls journey to becoming a woman, and would never blame her for my choosing to get into a relationship with her. I would never have the audacity or disrespect to demand that it is time for a girl to become a woman…..that is her process…and as a MAN I can only respect that and as a MAN it is my responsibility to be aware of who I am in a relationship with. However, you totally bash a boys journey to become a man….and blame us for it.

    As for this headline:
    3 Signs A Man Is Still Potty Training Emotionally
    ….seriously…grow the fuck up…..

    You want respect….give it…..you want us to treat you like we treat our mothers, sisters and daughters…..give it…..I would never title my article ‘3 Signs That a Woman is Still in Potty Training Emotionally’. If I did, I bet it would take about 1 second for a mob of women to start screaming that I am a sexist bastard, slap my picture and article up on Facebook and telling the whole world that I am a childish boy…..again, you want the respect you think you deserve… step the fuck up

    You want a MAN….be a WOMAN…that is what you will attract….just because you call someone blind, doesn’t mean that you can see.

    • 12 Notes

      Ladies, the men that wrote their comments with raging anger, do not represent all men but interestingly enough, they do accurately represent the problem. With all “isms”, those who respond this angrily are almost always the guilty. They have so much anger that they don’t even realize how they incriminate themselves.

      Moreover, they also accurately portray another trait. When an insecure egotistical man with anger issues is losing a discussion with his wife, this is when you need to run for your life because in about 2 seconds, he is going to lose it completely and become unpredictable even to himself. He is too insecure to admit losing a simple discussion so when he runs out of arguments, his own lack of resourcefulness makes him angry but it is directed wrongly, in a cowardly way. Like a bully with an hurt ego, he will resort to other means rather than have to admit he is wrong.

      Women are still abused and oppressed by men everywhere in the world but you are expected to step up! Here in the US, women only earn 76.5% of the salary of men with the same education, skills and experience. 10 years ago, it was 76%. So men have helped it grow by a whipping half a percent in 10 years but it’s women that need to step the fuck up.

      I agree with the author, women have been carrying the baggage of men on their backs long enough. It’s time to give it back to men and let them own it.

    • Musa Kristos Narayan

      Right on Chris, she has some valid points but the tone is accusatory. She comes off as holier than thou. Very typical of “conscious” feminist movements

  • Excellent article Kelly and one that deeply resonates with me as a man!

    “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

    Count me in! 🙂

    • Jojo Ban

      I love this quote!

  • NewMHRA

    Being “Consciously Awake and Self Aware” isn’t the same as “Thinking Real Hard About Why Men Are At Fault and You’re Not, and How You Can Present Yourself as Better In Every Way While Treating Men Exactly The Way You Say You Don’t Like Being Treated.”

    Out of the kitchen and back to the drawing board.

    • NewMHRA

      Re-read this article again and have to reiterate my comment.

      As a man it’s very tiring to hear how you’re at fault for everything (even things you had no hand in that concern people you’ve never had any contact with.) That type of approach prompts a “fuck you” response and it’s well deserved.

      I don’t owe women anything other than the respect I give everyone I encounter. It’s up to them to maintain that respect (and that’s not to say they’re clamoring for my respect or that I expect them to, just that if one wants to relate to me one should expect me to be honest in my reactions to them and their behavior.)

      If you can’t own your shit it’s your problem.

    • Jojo Ban

      It’s not about treating men badly or whatever. It’s acknowledging that in the society we live in today a lot of men actually do come across as ticking time bombs. That is they have no emotional responses and when they do it is like a bomb going off. The author is just pointing out that not enough men are in an emotionally good place and quite honestly emotionally unbalanced men are just dangerous to be around. Physically, mentally, emotionally dangerous to be around. The best a woman can do is avoid them.
      It’s not about blaming men but definitely pointing out that people who’ve never looked intro heir emotional health are probably not going to make the best partners.

  • i
    feel like her whole article is pretty dismissive… and dismissive is
    never a good way to get your point across. shes obviously unaware of
    that fact, which kinda runs contrary to the entire article.

    it
    sounds to me like shes just discovered the act of being honest with
    oneself… and the fact that she needed someone else to open her eyes is
    a bit sad IMO, and contrary to her argument as well (not that theres any shame in that… but it seems like shes trying to shame people who havent awoken yet, which is wrong IMO).

  • Carmen

    Love this. I dealt with a man who is still potty training emotionally and avoids confronting himself. 15 years was enough. I’m wide awake and LOVING it!

  • Aron Sabaj

    I relate to this all too well though coming from the side of the dangly bits, and at this point in my life, I’m much happier without relationships than in a miserable one. I really do love this article because it’s about time someone wrote on the subject of the value of self growth but the article is a tad gender-specific and men are at least as emotional.

    I also disagree with this: “The women’s movement made women more masculine. If women wanted to play with the “big boys” we had to play a man’s game. We had to armor up. We turned to masculinity for strength so that we could reasonably compete in a man’s world, leaving us hardened, bitter, and aggressive bitches who have little to no faith left in the emotional maturity or acknowledgement of men.”
    I don’t think masculinity is intrinsically less emotional, or more aggressive than femininity, nor is it something you can utilize to your advantage but not own, sure we’re physically bigger and tougher most of the time but we face the same society you do and we’re affected differently by it. Talk about owning up, those hardened, bitter, and aggressive qualities are not masculine, but human qualities. I dislike how anytime a quality is negative it’s written off as masculine instead of human. Just my two cents.

  • Viva_Kevin

    jung called it “individuation” – nice write up. here’s hoping both genders open their eyes to each other.

  • Liana McDonald

    Fantastic. Evolved women need to find evolved men and vice versa. Simple.

  • Howtomeet

    I was deceiving into thinking this would be about a girl opening her heart, but it just turned into another girl patting herself on the back and slamming men.

    Everyone likes to skip ahead to dissections of already being in relationships and in the middle of dating someone (and whatever problems come along with that). What I think more people are looking for is a discussion of how to go about meeting new people – much further upstream. There are great women, there are great men. But how do we get them connected!? Men are confused on which methods (also where/how) of meeting ladies and introducing ourselves/asking out are appropriate versus inappropriate. Romantic songs and movies depict men doing things that, if done in reality, would absolutely be considered stalkerish! Think about it. It all depends on the subtly of how it is done and who it is doing it right? Are there ideal ways ladies day dream about being approached by a man? Casual, coincidental? Could a cocktail bar approach work or is the grocery store/ waiting to cross the street joke or comment much more effective? Does it matter at all or does it just matter that the man DOES it? Deliberate and strongly masculine? This is my call for a discussion on how to connect. 🙂

    • femdyk

      You have to change your environment. Look into attending personal growth seminars, like HAI, Landmark Education, and NVC. Almost any man who is willing to dig into this stuff is a better bet than any man who won’t.

    • Jojo Ban

      I think we often tend to divide men and women into masculine and feminine. Or yin and yang. With masculine and yang energy being more driven and yin and feminine passive being more inwards. What I find is that these qualities are not split across genders but you find as many yang women as yin men and ofcourse vice versa. Then there’s also balanced people. But basically men and women who are yang dominant will be the ones who like approaching and getting things started and yin people rather sit back and enjoy the show. So the best is to find out your particular balance and act it. I’ve always found fault with women being considered feminine and men being considered masculine. Because there are definitely many women who are naturally masculine and many men who are naturally feminine. By masculine I mean driven, ambitious, outgoing, extrovert and feminien means more introspective, introvert … Well you get the general picture. In my opinion yang women will be naturally attracted to yin men and will be the ones to approach and vice versa for yang men and yin women. So the best we can all do is ditch the gender roles, embody who we really are and act in ways natural to us and then we’ll attract someone who likes is for us.

  • Kevin

    I totally agree with her ideas, I love women that are Consciously Awake and Self Aware. It allows for a more honest and meaningful relationship. Now I just need to find the right one for me. These women are out there and the men they are looking for are as well, but there are so many other factors involved in finding the right one. This is a prerequisite to have a mature relationship but you also have to look at other things that are important to you and what your intent is for being with someone is. I have been told, I am too picky, but I look at it as I’m just making sure I find the right one. I’m glad I have been let go or let others go because it was not working. I’m single now but it is just temporary, one day a relationship will become the right one and I will have a wife to love and have a family with.

  • Laura Marcos

    I love Kelly’s definition of consciously awake. Brilliant. I can really identify with the underlying truths she is working to express here. People in relationships need to absolutely both be committed to growth for it to work. However, her tone at times is clearly angry–(eg. The problem is a lot of you are lame, unreliable, emotionally stunted, and impossible to date. The idea that the vast majority of men are cavemen has validity. And it’s hard to need (and want) a caveman with no purpose and no ability to communicate to us as women. We need men, not boys.) SO, it’s easy to understand why many men would be defensive.. When we can look at the “emotional challenges” men face without judgement it doesn’t sound like that. Clearly, both men and women are still learning what emotional intelligence sounds and feels like. The lessons never end… And let’s not forget these men are often raised by mothers who accepted similar behaviors in their fathers/father-figures that they are now modeling. The best gift we can give them is to work on ourselves, model healthy behaviors, and trust in their innate ability to understand their emotions and come along at their own time and pace.. The more we believe in them, the more they will grow.. it’s just sad that sometimes for this to happen, we have to let someone we love go.

    • Musa Kristos Narayan

      You are absolutely Right. She herself “woke up” after being with all those unconscious “pricks’- her language-, who is she to tell other women to avoid these kind of men? Unless you are living in fantasy land, women will always encounter these men and in the process, they themselves will wake up at their own Time and pace

  • Marie

    It’s amusing to read all the comments from men trying to debunk this article. I’m so glad that I have truly awakened male friends (several) who actually AGREE with this article, loved it…..and shared it!!! Funny. 😉

  • Tad Dicks

    I think you make the mistake of thinking once you’re “consciously awake” you (and everyone who attains this state) magically stay there from then on and that everyone is on this same “journey”. Not so, but when you’re there you realize you absolutely *do not* need someone, more likely you will find or be found by the right person. They may be there to teach you or to learn from you they may be just as “awake” or maybe even more “awake”. Lastly you could probably strip out all the gender specific pronouns from your rant and (just take a less confrontational tone) and it would be more accurate.

  • 1nameme

    Sorry, no offense intended, but women, if you see this article primarily as validating your feelings about the type of man you want, rather than a criticism of the type of choices in men you make, then you aren’t a Consciously Awake Woman yourself. You’re still blaming others (men) for your poor judgement, likely caused by your lack of self-awareness. If you read this and said to yourself “I need to make the men in my life read this!”, then you need to go back and read it again, because YOU are the one who doesn’t get it.

    And if you think that it’s any easier for men, consider that just as most women have not reached this level of emotional maturity because they grow up being fed the fairy tales of being Cinderella swept off her feet by Prince Charming, men grow up with the same lame fairy tales telling them that they are supposed to get the hot, emotionally infantile girl and have her magically become the woman of his dreams as well. And unlike women, as adults we don’t have thousands of men’s magazine articles and blog posts telling us the kinds of things this article is telling women, because most men and women both buy into those fairy tales, which also indoctrinate us all into believing a man who doesn’t like such emotionally immature women, or worse, can’t handle “raising” one, is weak, so few men would ever be caught dead ever reading such articles. Most of us have to figure out what it means to be consciously awake for ourselves, usually through some massively painful event that forces us to engage in deep self examination, mostly without guidance – because we’re trained by all that same garbage to avoid seeking such help.

    So, if you actually want the type of man this article is saying you should, then you need to first and foremost use the article as a starting point of self-examination, not a tool for fixing the men in your life (which is not something you should be doing anyway, as the article points out). Only once you’ve done that do you even deserve such a man, and only then are you ready to have one.

  • Joe Farrell

    Well. . .. First off, I think you meant deep-seated . . . .

    Next. . . Women who twist men for being male instead of female light? Not so much a turn on.

    Maleness is something women will never understand just like femaleness is something I cannot understand innately. I can appreciate it, value it, enjoy it, but not understand it.

    Be a mirror . . . Reflect that which shines onto you until what you feel can be a part if you. You come off aloof and disinterested because with most people you are . . . At least when it comes to intimacy.

  • God Dieux

    If you grow, if you show, if you know, that is good. Intimacy is a beautiful natural bi product of waking up and realizing the true self deeply. <3

  • jackstar72

    I enjoy these articles. I really don’t like the pictures of women that look like porn stars. The pictures are incongruous to the good content being put forth. So it’s kind of hard to take seriously with the ridiculous pictures.

  • Paul Sutty

    This is an incredibly lame article. You either grew up in a good family and you value yourself and you are drawn to other people that value themselves and you have emotional insight… or you don’t…. or you just mature and realize that most guys who wear baseball caps (ie trappings of a child) are not emotionally open for business and most girls with excessive makeup and jiffy-marker eyebrows (some of whom also wear ball-caps…maybe the woman-hat-wearing thing is just a Canadian thing) are also emotionally inept…. also the images are completely inappropriate for such a discussion and the random inclusion of semi-related, un-cited quotes doesn’t suggest that the writer is an “Awake Writer/Blogger.”

    • Random

      Of course it’s bullshit. Only people having problems are those with unrealistic expectations or confused with too many options. Btw, baseball caps are very useful for keeping the sun off your eyes and face, not just expressing to the world that you are still a child, or whatever you meant..

  • wokjr

    i’d like nothing better than a never ending conversation inseparable from the sexual one with no politics or competition. Wouldn’t that be something? The post almost genuinely said this was part of the “conscious” woman, but it still sounds like you have to be interviewed. The unconscious woman in your sense is mindless; most people are. But how about the man or woman who is at least aware that she has an unconscious world that reveals itself at its own pace, from a deep mystery. Meanwhile, I’m looking “at Pussy Sucking,” “being fucked wide open” and “the nipple orgasm.” This tends to distract me from the topic.

  • Andrew Pearson

    You talk about emotionally conscience women needing emotionally conscience men. You define a non-conscience man like this:
    “He’s insecure and projects his fear and emotional wounds onto you, but tries to spin it like you’re the one with issues.”

    And yet, isn’t this entire post spinning your insecurities and fears as if men are the ones with the issues?

    • Marie

      I think you missed the boat on this one. In no way is she ‘spinning insecurities and fears’. She’s showing her authentic side and telling you who she is, how she desires to be treated and what she desires in a mate. Perhaps you are projecting your feelings, fears and insecurities into what you read?

      • Tad Dicks

        Marie here’s the thing… if you’re “emotionally consciously awake” no one can project there emotional wounds onto you or spin it like you’re the one with the issues. Well they can try but you’ll see it immediately and know how to handle it (walk away or talk the person through their issues). The fact the author gets caught up in gender differences when really this applies to any side in any relationship makes me think she’s half asleep =P

  • Jote Mahern

    I’m curious what the process was in choosing images for this piece. It looks like the first one came out of Victoria’s Secret. No smile. Super thin. Pursed lips. Super mainstream. I might understand a little more if it is a photo of the author and about her own sexual identity. What was the purpose of choosing this imagery? I, personally, don’t find it sexy and I actually find it alienating. For me sexy does not automatically equal sex.

    This article also enforces the gender binary, drawing very distinct lines between what is feminine and what is masculine. I personally don’t find this helpful in the healing process. There is guardedness and there is vulnerability. I do not consider it feminine to be soft and vulnerable and masculine to be hard and guarded. I think it is more helpful to realize that we have the whole scope of emotional potential inside and that we don’t have to become more feminine or more masculine to find it, just more sensitive.

    I want more women to share their thoughts on patriarchy. I’m inspired to share more of mine. I also welcome intelligent feed back. I think it is important to help each other see the assumptions we are making about other women’s experiences. and men’s as well.

  • Tyler Ayers

    There’s no such thing as a conscious woman, this article is bunk.
    It’s yet another attempt in a long series of feminist ploys to blame men
    for the problem and try to lure them back in since the MGTOW thing has
    fucked up your fantasy wedding dream.

    We want women that were like
    our mothers, they don’t exist anymore so to tell us to treat you like
    that is a joke. Tired of being treated like shit? Stop dressing up and
    acting like men, you’ve created unnecessary competition with those that
    you are supposed to complement, not battle for control.

    You say
    you want men not boys yet you treat men like boys and then blame them
    for the outcome. You’ll never change until you start to completely own
    up to your bullshit and take accountability for yourselves. We are
    becoming more awake and enlightened at a more and more rapid pace daily,
    why do you think we aren’t connecting with you anymore?

    Like
    always throughout history women are 10 steps behind the curve of
    technological progress whether it be in the form of philosophy, math,
    science, electronics, sociology, you name it. The problem is instead of
    working with men rationally in order to catch up you aim to destroy men
    to bring them back to where you are, it seems easier though the outcome
    has almost destroyed us.

    I say to all men, especially my son and
    his friends, never ever marry a woman and certainly avoid getting her
    pregnant at all costs. The number one cause of divorce? Marriage.
    Women have a long ways to go when it comes to being conscious, simply
    claiming a thing does not make it so, you have to be able to show your
    winning hand when I call at least once and a while. That’s more of that
    “The Secret” new age BS the CIA started alongside feminism to fool
    people into believing that if they thought something was so it just
    occurred. YOU HAVE TO DO THE WORK HONIES.

    Earn it, then we’ll talk. Until then, thank god for porn!

    • LANE

      This was an interesting and thought provoking read…

      Things I didn’t like:

      -The intro was actually quite defensive, not vulnerable, and almost made me stop reading right away
      -I think relationships could have been framed as being between one human being and another before diving into talking about how men and women may connect differently due to their social environment
      -I don’t agree that self aware women are the kind of women that men want, because many men seem to be raised with the idea that part of growing up is finding a woman who will come along and teach them how, so really they want women with the potential to be self aware but who instead use their energy to help “potty train” men emotionally
      -“All this “we don’t need you” crap is a big fucking lie.” I don’t think that it is and saying that women need men is what drives women to taking on terrible relationships instead of waiting to find someone with similar depth to themselves

      Things I liked:

      -This is pretty spot on: “He’s never explored his emotional landscape or done inner personal work, gone through extensive therapy or personal and emotional coaching.He doesn’t own his shit. He expects others to deal with his emotional issues, triggers, unresolved childhood stuff or dysfunctional family imprinting.He’s insecure and projects his fear and emotional wounds onto you, but tries to spin it like you’re the one with issues.”

      -“Fractured femininity” is really great imagery of what is happening to both men and women.

      -Boundaries are super important, and they are the kind of protection we do need
      -I like that it was pointed out that women ARE already strong. Even when terrible things happen, women often bounce back and become even stronger, creating boundaries and protecting themselves in the ways they need to

      I think there are some great points in here, however some of the suggestions will not apply generally. Some women need to find their strength by protecting themselves. Some need to find it in becoming more vulnerable. The balance between those will be different for each relationship and will vary by time. And I don’t think the reason women get into crappy relationships is as simple as encountering abuse or bad parenting. In fact I have met many women who get into healthy relationships because they use those experiences to learn amazing things about themselves and their needs. Instead of just putting the onus on individual experiences we should also address why our society makes women start out a little “off”, and men as well. Media has a giant impact on socialization and the general public has little involvement in its creation.

      • Tyler Ayers

        Are you sure you were replying to my comment? You’ve obviously spent too much time in institutions (perhaps not the right ones?)

        Things I didn’t like:

        1. Does it matter?

        Things I did like:

        1. Again, does it matter?

        So much time wasted on petty bullshit. This is why I avoid relationships like the plague, I have more important and interesting things to do. Have fun whining about how much it sucks to be a woman while you blame it on men for a lifetime (boring), I’ll be busy creating my grandest visions for the rest of the world to enjoy!

    • Flo

      +Tyler Ayers Also a MGTOW. I don’t care anymore what women want , especially those who chose a career over children. There are more important things to do in life as a man, but if you’re still a fool to try marriage you have to know that marriage laws are rigged and the divorce industry is bigger than the commercial one… for a reason. Women marry for your money , work power and vitality, so don’t be a sucker , give them nothing to begin with, because in the end trying to make them happy it’s futile. Women are never completely happy, not even after 100 years of Feminism. Women like the author are “awaken” so they don’t need a man anyway.
      Save a woman, stay away. Take the red pill, go your own way. Be a free man.

  • Definitely enjoyed reading this. I do get the passion behind every word said. On the other hand I do see how some may feel slightly offended by the passionate ending and declaration against having to be masculine just to get some respect. I agree with nearly everything regardless.

  • Justin Showna

    I apologize if I have offended you. I am intensely passionate on this subject matter, and sometimes that gets intense. Everyone grows at a different rate. You’ll learn.

  • Justin Showna

    I call bullshit. No, you don’t need men. Well, maybe *you* need them, but plenty don’t. Different people are happy with different things; not every women is you. Please realize this is not me talking down to you or dismissing you offhand–this is empathy and experience talking. I’ve met people from all walks of life and have worked through my own problems. Also, conceptualizing everyone you don’t like as children is a cop-out, feeds hierarchical structures and keeps us arguing. You don’t define womanhood or manhood for anyone but yourself. The fact that you feel the need to box others doesn’t seem very conscious at all. Of course, you’ll have people jumping into “We’re beautiful but not flawless, etc” because many women who see this will automatically assume it’s about them. It’s far easier than real self-examination. Beyond that, tell a rape victim that they don’t need to self-protect. Tell my friend who was abused, raped, humiliated, and systematically tortured for years she’s a crazy bitch. Tell my many, many friends with extreme anxiety disorders–many who had it literally beaten into them–that they’re crazy bitches, when that’s how they get shut down again and again and again. Go ahead, I dare you. I will stand by them and defend them fiercely, flaws and insecurities and all; I have counseled them through incredibly difficult times, and infantalizing people with problems does nothing but beat them down further. You’re projecting your ego onto the world, a feat of great arrogance, and frankly, it’s obnoxiously inconsiderate. Please stop.

    • Len Daye

      I’m going to clarify these points that I picked out from the article: The overview of the feminism movement turning into a d*ck-measuring contest beside those with actual d*cks, yet don’t think of anything better to do with them due to egotistical “values” which leave men & women at war with each other. She means it is better to identify with self and actually begin to fix problems within that could otherwise lead to a self-destructive pattern, rather than “calling a spade a spade” and just live with the problems as an unfixable, inevitable part of life. Like things could only get better by just accepting you dont work with others without finding the real issue within yourself. And yes, SHE IS RIGHT THAT WOMEN DO NEED MEN>AND VICE VERSA. It took both to get us all here, to even be able to formulate an idea at all. To ignore that would be to say “it’s ok to ignore the baby after you make it” in so many ways. Yes, it’s fucked up that it hasnt been the best society and in different ways we all have been abandoned and/or neglected in one way or another. But carrying that around is only ammo to hurt yourself with in the long run. Men and women always work better as partners, and always will. Meanwhile, the lower dredges of society will be at war with their counterparts, while thriving families plan on continuing their legacies (and they have!) She was not saying to “be less masculine” even if that’s part of your nature. She’s saying to embrace your true self, after making the effort to actually find you. To figure out how we can work because we can, and not let a mob, media fueled mentality fool you into acting/feeling insecure. That it takes real strength to see what you yourself have been doing (or not doing) to contribute to your life, through the scope of gender. Not to have to play at these games for the fake and weak-willed examples of men. ..But to actually be yourself and find someone else who has been taking the journey of actual self-awareness and maturity, and being someone who can actually identify with and keep them, and we will enlighten each other

      • Justin Showna

        1. Come back to me when you understand feminism, because you don’t. 2. NO SHE IS WRONG. The species as a whole needs men and women procreating and raising babies. You, personally, do not need a significant other of any gender. Oh, and if men and women need each other, why do we have homosexual couples? It’s also arguable the world would be better off without human beings period, so there’s that. 3. It’s not hurting yourself, it’s dealing with damage inflicted by another. Getting help is expensive. Not everyone can meditate away PTSD. 4. “Lower dredges”? Oh, do clarify. 5. Growth and maturity = good. Healthy relationships = good. Now define what maturity means, and what a healthy relationship means, and compare notes across cultures and individuals. Now realize how many of them would think your definition constitutes immaturity.

    • femdyk

      We are each welcome to hold onto our fears as long as we want. Once we realize that our fear of being our powerful selves doesn’t serve us, we no longer have to be crazy with anxiety, (another word for fear and insecurity) or jealousy.

      Ego is that facet of ourselves that powers our ability to get things done.

      I believe I understand the injury to others to which you refer- and I am suggesting that there is another way to look at the stories of our lives. If I examine (or you examine your beliefs) my beliefs and find that I feel fearful, angry, anxious, maybe my beliefs are out of alignment with reality. Or maybe those emotions are clues to a need for justice changes. Emotional upset is not a stopping point- it is the impetus for change. When we hold onto our upsets instead of changing something, we hobble ourselves into inaction.

      The blogger has found a path to action for herself. That doesn’t say anything at all about your personal path or your anxious friend’s path. Take what works for you and leave the rest.

      Good luck in your growth.

  • Well it started great and then it just went downhill from there on. You seem to forget you met someone kind enough to open your eyes only to go into a rant about all the men who have yet to meet a woman (or man) to open theirs. You began by speaking of humility but went into an absolute shitstorm of arrogance. You are feeding into the usual crap that there are no good men and they all need to grow up etc. And it reads like a woman scorned rather than someone who was awakend to love. You selfishly project your own hardness rather than the compassion you seemed to have been shown. We are here to Share the love and inspire eachother not sit around and complain and expect the perfect mate to show up. Lets face it it isnt due to our gracefulness and giving that we enter relationships it is for our own selves. Lets not think ourselves so holy like we are creating world peace here. Wake yourself from the slumber and realize that when you are awake everyone else is too.. they may not see it but you will know and so you no longer need to judge.

  • Raphael

    All very very very wonderful 🙂 . Sorry I have to nit pick a couple things. “the one thing I had gotten right (and didn’t fuck around with) was my outright refusal to compromise on my standards of living.” This comes a crossed as someone that might value money more than a kind heart. Then there’s this ,”Consciously Awake Women” and all the little bits about men needing to grow up. This is a two way street. Do you know what happens to the men who are courteous, kind, caring, devoted, open about themselves, owning there own emotions and responsibilities, everything this article asks men to do? The exact same thing that happens to the women. It should be “Consciously Awake People” or “People who grew up, stopped being so self indulged and entitled, and started being decent human beings”. This world is full of selfish a-holes and the kind people get taken advantage of regardless of gender and it is difficult for everyone to find the good ones. So while I do agree with so many of your points, it is very insightful and it is extremely well written. Do not even begin to think its women only or even a women majority problem. But again, overall, wonderful article, well done.

  • Sharona

    Sharing this w a few male friends. Always love hearing their take on valid, powerful, true statements like this.

  • Susan Barre

    Amazingly said!

  • Bobby

    As one of the guys who “gets it”, I wish more women were like you. So many women settle for boys. We MEN are out there. Oh and it’s so refreshing to hear the truth – that women need men too. Well said.

    • Tyler Ayers

      Bobby hasn’t been laid since the stone age, but he has held open many a door for angry femnazis that self righteously proclaimed “I CAN GET IT MYSELF!”

      Keep up the good work bobby! (I can’t bring myself to capitalize his name anymore).

  • Loved, loved, loved this article. I agree with 99% of it. But I do have a couple of counters. Most importantly, I think it’s important to acknowledge that we attract people into our lives for a reason – to act mirrors. If a woman is involved with an emotionally stunted man maybe it’s showing her something within herself. Blaming him without owning her part won’t help. If she doesn’t change her thinking, she won’t change her point of attraction and she’ll end up with the same man in a different skin when she enters her next relationship. I know the first part of the article sort of addresses this.

    I also don’t think that a woman can step up and ‘demand’ a boy become a man, but I do believe a woman CAN have a wonderfully loving influence on her partners growth. When we can stay calm and explain gently how different behaviors can lead to different outcomes, most men are more willing to listen (if they’re ready).

    And while I do agree our culture perpetuates an immature, superficial approach to sex and relationships, I think there’s a shift underway. More people, women AND men are waking up. To say the ‘vast majority of men are cavemen’ locks in an old paradigm. Whereas I would rather be optimistic that it IS changing. Blaming and name calling trigger defensiveness in almost everyone, of either gender. But LOVE? Love transcends and is only thing that will create true and lasting change.

    Just my 2 cents. But overall, seriously – amazing article. Thank you so much for sharing your talents and insights!

    • Tyler Ayers

      I just did the math and based on your counters you only agree with 50% of it since she flipped her own script and started ranting foaming at the crotch about how everything was the fault of men (as usual) and you disagreed with the concept. Just sayin’!

      Also, your 2 cents were easily worth more like 2 bits, keep up the good work!

  • Anya Gandelman

    brilliant article, well done! maybe cause i just read an article before this on buzz feed about photoshop and young girls body image issue epidemic, i am wondering about the picture thats been chosen at the top to represent us awake women….

  • Benjamin Tobias Hawkins

    Wow what a great read I totally agree for I have experienced the same awakening she speaks of. I can especially identify wholeheartedly to the line “My desire to wake up was bigger than my desire to stay unconscious” . It is only when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain that comes with change are we ever really ready to “wake up”. The unfortunate truth of the matter is however that this blatant societal emotional immaturity goes unnoticed and unrealized by those suffering from their current states of unconsciousness. There are times when my heart breaks for those still asleep but take solace in the fact that depending on someones spiritual fitness and their emotional maturity level(yin or yang) they are doing the best they can with the tools they have and they deserve our compassion and our understanding not our judgement. And then there are times like this when I get the privilege of being exposed to such a bright light on my path.

    • femdyk

      Welcome home.

  • Richard Khemin

    With the exception of the needless profanity that counter-productively reflects the same immature and emotionally stunted male attitude this article is intended to point out, yet this article’s wonderful points are spot on. This is most certainly a foundational understanding we all need to understand… though, unfortunately, only those who have come to these realizations due to their emotional and spiritual maturity will benefit therefrom… as the rest won’t have a clue as to its importance and will not acknowledge the points made.

  • Mathew Maybee

    Phenomenal article, rings true on every level…well said 🙂

  • Autumn Estrella Brighid

    Fierce and powerful and vulnerable. Thank you so much, Kelly. I see myself coming back to read this article again and again, whenever I need a reminder and reconnection to my core and vision for what I want. I’m really loving both the rawness and clarity in your expression and sense of compassion you hold for everyone involved.

  • Kate

    This article has touched my heart and answered many of my internal questions. Thank you.

  • Jen

    Thank you for this, right on point for me right now and I needed this message. I know that this is something we are all working on in the mass conscious if I am experiencing it and a week later you are writing about it. It’s the microcosm of the macrocosm. I want growth. I am happy alone but I would be happy with someone to. May we all find partners we can grow with and be supportive to each other in that growth for truth and love and happiness.

  • Koa Cohen

    I think it’s funny how Gato thinks he’s the AUTHORITY on LOVE. LOVE chooses you? It does when you are unconscious. Edward, you and I are on the same page. Kelly rocked it and she laid down some serious truth. There was no hypocrisy here, just reality. Reality BWalker can’t digest cause he’s too busy deflecting.

    • Warren Moore

      Quit judging and just absorb truth.

  • Mimi Clark

    doing the work… and I want a man who is willing to do the work with me… I believe I have it.. but time will tell!!

  • Edward Bouchard

    This is an amazing article and as a man I not only enjoyed reading it, I concur whole-heartedly (Not that it matters to fully conscious women what the fuck I think…LOL) Bravo!!! 😀

  • Gato

    good ..but ..you dont choose love…love choose you ..love is an exiting accident

  • BWalker

    Hypocritical and condescending with a dollop of inverted sexism.

    • Sharona

      Thanks for your constructive insights and communicating w intent.

    • Andrew Pearson

      I agree BWalker. The article starts off strong with a good message about owning it, and then delves into blaming men and saying we need to own it. Does the author think she needs to take control, as her initial paragraphs suggest, or does she intend to continue to blame men for her issues?

      • PleasureTribe

        I completely agree. It irritates me. All the blame and emasculating men turns me off. Perhaps I’ll write a counter article on my platform.

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